If you want to feel better, write a love letter!”

From a good 12 step friend of mine.

How to write a love letter/inventory

Begin by writing out steps 1, 2 and 3…

Step 1

I admit I am powerless over…so and so, (him, her, them or me) my pain, anger, finances, God, Higher Power, emotions, feelings, my mother, my father, my son/daughter, my husband/wife, AA/OA/NA/CODA/CEA HOW, my surgery, someone else’s surgery, the landlord, the doctor, insurance company, department stores, the grocery clerks, the weather…(whoever or whatever still causes you pain) and my *lives (and their *lives) are unmanageable by me.

Step 2

I do believe that you and only you, God, can restore me (and them) to sanity.

Step 3

I make a decision to turn my will and my *lives and so and so’s *lives over to your care and protection.

Write out: Please God, help me to be honest. Write through me your liberating and healing truth. Guide my hand, ,my heart and my mind in writing my thoughts in this matter.

Step 4 (or Step 10)

Write using the following format. Move through all the levels of feelings, until you get down to the love. Write as much as you can on each topic you can. Freedom comes from the writing, healing comes from sharing the writing (step 5) and peace comes from taking the rest of the steps on the writing.

1. Anger and Blame

I hate it that you…

I’m fed up with….

I don’t like it/didn’t like it when…

2. Hurt and Sadness

I feel hurt when…

I feel disappointed because…

I feel awful because…

I feel sad when…

3. Fear and Insecurity

I’m afraid that…

I feel scared that…

I worry that…

I should have/shouldn’t have…

*Lives – refers to the many roles we play: work life, home life, school life, etc.

4. Guilt and Responsibility

I’m sorry that….

I’m sorry for….

Please forgive me for…

I didn’t mean to….

5. Intention

I want…

I need…

6. Love, Forgiveness, and Understanding

I love you because…

I love when….

Thank you for….

I understand that…

I forgive you for…

Write out: Thank you Lord and so and so, for the revelations in this writing that are necessary for my growth.

Take Step 5

Read your writing to a friend, sponsor, mentor, etc. (not to the person the letter is addressed to!) then take the rest of the steps out loud with the friend or sponsor.

Take Steps 6 and 7

Repeat out loud with your sponsor:

“I am entirely ready to have you, Lord, remove all these defects of character (and if I am not willing, help me to be willing)

I humbly ask you to remove my shortcomings (the ones I see so clearly and the ones I’m not even aware of)”.

Seventh Step Prayer

(Repeat aloud)

My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen.

Steps 8 and 9

If amends are due, we work steps 8 and 9.

Step 8: We make a list of all people we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.

Steps 10

This letter is a 10^th step.

Step 11

(repeat aloud) “I am seeking through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out.”

Step 12

(repeat aloud) “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of “taking these steps”, I will try to carry this message to alcoholics, (addicts, compulsive eaters, codependents, anyone in need) and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

Thank you Lord, and amen.

IOU by Bertha Munro

This poem was read in a recent church service. I liked it enough that I wanted to blog it so I could find it again sometime. It was written by Dr. Bertha Munro, academic dean at Eastern Nazarene College from 1923 to 1957.

"I owe you respect for your personality. You too are that climax of God's creation, made in His likeness. I owe you a right to your opinion. You may differ with me without fear that I shall raise a barrier between us if we do not see eye to eye. We can disagree and still be friends.

"I owe you belief in your integrity. Since I do, I shall put the best possible construction on your actions. I shall trust your words and deeds, even those I am unable to understand.

"I owe you honest treatment; I shall not steal people's good opinion of you. I shall voice the sort of comment on you and your actions that I should wish made on me.

"I owe you a "taking off place." Though I value your friendship, I shall not enslave your spirit nor bind you so closely to me that you will lose the wealth of other friendships, or even fail to develop your own best potentialities.

"I owe you thoughtful consideration. I will not steal your time when you are evidently busy, just because I have free time to "kill."

"I owe you honest wages if I chance to be employer, honest work if I chance to be employed, honest measure and just weight in any case.

"I owe you special help in time of special need: my hand, my ear, my voice. I owe you patience with what seems to me your stupidity or slowness. I owe you the identification of Golden Rule imagination. I owe you "love unfeigned."

"I owe it to you not to push you down in order to lift myself. Rather, I owe it to you to see you forge ahead of me without any reaction of envy or jealousy- even to give you a push.

"I owe you a good example, a Christian testimony. I owe you the gospel of Christ to the limit I possess it. I owe it to you to prove its power to the full, that God may challenge and encourage you by the sight of what He has done for someone else.

"All this I owe you, and much more. I owe it to you not to fall behind with my payments. I shall always owe the abounding love that will meet those unforeseen and unexpected demands of the emergency and will save me from "Thou shalt" and "I must."

"Owe no man any thing, but to love."

Dear Prudence: Autism

I don't always agree with the advice given, but I enjoy reading the column. I got in the habit when I was a kid of reading Ann Landers in the paper.

Anyway, in today's column, she answers the question from a woman who had two pre-school daughters, the younger of the two has autism. The woman is irritated because her mother-in-law does not treat them the same.

I understand where the woman is coming from, but I also see the side of the grandmother. I think it is great that the grandmother can give the older daughter individual attention.

The hardest part about being a parent of a child with autism is also being there for the other children. I don't think I have always succeeded there. On my recent trip to Utah, I ended up spending the majority of my time with my son John, because he needs the majority of my time sometimes. He loves his siblings, in-laws and nephews, but it is hard for him sometimes. The week before we drove to Utah he was saying "Hello, Rachel, hello Rachel" over and over again.

Barbara reminds me that it takes a village to take care of a special needs child. That is just as true in John's case at age 22 as it was when he was 3. I am very grateful for the help that we continue to get from friends, family and church members. I am also grateful for those who have given my other children attention when they needed it.

Anyway, the letter.

Dear Prudence,
I have two beautiful preschool-age daughters. My youngest was diagnosed with autism a year ago. Since the diagnosis, my mother-in-law has been treating the girls very differently, inviting only my oldest daughter to dance recitals, holiday celebrations, movies, etc. She just called to invite her on a weekend getaway. I told her no, it wouldn't be fair to my youngest daughter. I believe she is ashamed or embarrassed by my little girl. My husband doesn't understand how his mom can be this way. I am this close to prohibiting my in-laws from seeing the children. My youngest is going to understand soon that she is being excluded from events. I was so afraid of how strangers would treat her, and the real problem lies in the family. What should I do?

—Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,
Your mother-in-law may be ashamed or embarrassed, but she also may just be afraid. Afraid that a child with autism is too much for her to handle, that your youngest daughter may act up in a way that leaves her baffled and helpless. Instead of getting angry, you and your husband should have an open, nonjudgmental discussion with her. Start by saying this diagnosis is painful for all of you and means a readjustment of your expectations of your family life, but that you can all agree you love your youngest and everyone wants the best for her. Allow your mother-in-law to air her concerns, and then come up with constructive ways to address them. Educating herself and getting to know other grandparents dealing with this would be particularly helpful. Direct her to the Web site of the Autism Society of America, where she can get information about autism, find a support group in her area, and get a list of books that will help her understand her granddaughter better. You might want to give her The Way I See It, by the remarkable Temple Grandin, a distinguished scientist with autism. But also don't insist that your mother-in-law always take both girls. In any family, it's wonderful for each child to get time alone with their parents and grandparents. Your youngest daughter, by necessity, is going to require a lot of attention and extra help from you and your husband. You will all benefit if your older daughter can enjoy some special time with her grandmother.

So, you want to be a Gmail ninja?

 

 

Sent to you by davidaustex via Google Reader:

 

 

So, you want to be a Gmail ninja?

via Gmail Blog by The Gmail Team on 6/23/09

Posted by Zach Yeskel, Product Marketing Manager

If you got 100 new messages, how long would it take you to get through them all? An hour? Five minutes? How would you find the important ones, reply to the ones that require an immediate reply, and mark the ones that you needed to take care of later? Would you use stars, filters, keyboard shortcuts, labels? What about Gmail Labs like tasks or canned responses?

Everybody has their own system for managing email, but some are definitely more efficient than others. Even if you only get a few messages a day, there are probably some simple things you can do to make it easier to get through your inbox and maybe even have a little fun along the way. We know time is valuable, so we asked lots of Googlers for their tips and tricks on how they make the most of Gmail, and we combined the best of these into a guide at www.gmail.com/tips, cheekily entitled "Become a Gmail Ninja." The tips are categorized into ninja belts (white, green, black and master ) based on how much mail you get each day.



For a handy reference that you can pin to your wall or keep on your desk, we even made a printable version of the guide where all the tips fit on one page front and back. And for the first 1024 of you who want them, we'll send a limited-edition, laminated guide for free. Just fill out this form with your address. Sorry, we can only ship to addresses in the US. If you're not one of the lucky 1024, you can still buy a laminated guide at www.barcharts.com/gmail.



If you're already a Gmail ninja and have your own tips you'd like to share, let us know and we'll add the best ones to the online guide.

*Our lawyers asked us to make sure it was clear that your contact information won't be maintained longer than necessary to send you the laminated guide and that this offer is "void where prohibited and only while supplies last."

 

 

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Thought for the day

From a good friend and former sponsor. This is very appropriate in my situation today.

"...can develop gratitude for all conditions, good or bad. Each has its necessary place in our development as healthy, happy (people.)"

The future will be better tomorrow.

Dan Quayle
US Republican politician (1947 - )

Yellow Bus

For almost 19 years (since John was 3 in Euless) we have had a school bus come by our house to take John to school.

John still refers to the bus as 'Yellow Bus' and through the years, that is what I call a school bus also.

The school bus will make its last stop at our house next Wednesday, June 3, 2009. It is definitely an end of an era for us.

It is going to be very difficult to explain to John why there isn't going to be any more high school, summer school, and of course, no more yellow bus.

Quote from a fried

And a former sponsor. "Sometimes all I can do is trust that all is well, even though it's not as I had hoped. On bad days I need only to reflect on the past to know that I am moving in the right direction."