From my friend Susan: Another Blonde Joke

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there.! "

If you're not sure what a 710 is Click Here

SavareseLowry: You're adopting who?

Super commentary in today's paper.

SavareseLowry: You're adopting who?: "'Why would anyone adopt a badly abused, autistic 6-year-old from foster care?'

So my wife and I were asked at the outset of our adoption-as-a-first-resort adventure. It was a reasonable question in this age of narrow self-concern — far more reasonable, or at least more reasonably put, than many of the other questions we fielded."

Woman: Blame devil for infant in microwave - CNN.com

Just when you think you have heard it all. No wonder so many people (including myself) are so cynical when it comes to religion. With any luck this idiot will be spending the rest of his life preaching his fellow prison inmates.

Woman: Blame devil for infant in microwave - CNN.com: "GALVESTON, Texas (AP) -- A woman blames the devil, and not her husband, for severely burning their infant daughter in a microwave, a Texas television station reported.

Eva Marie Mauldin said Satan compelled her 19-year-old husband, Joshua Royce Mauldin, to microwave their daughter May 10 because the devil disapproved of Joshua's efforts to become a preacher."

Mrs. Betty Bowers' Eulogy to Reverend Jerry Falwell : All's Well That Ends Falwell

This of course is satire but Mrs. Betty Bowers has outdone her self in this column. No tears shed for Falwell here.

Mrs. Betty Bowers' Eulogy to Reverend Jerry Falwell : All's Well That Ends Falwell: "Gossipy paramedics told me that Jerry died of a faulty heart. Frankly, my only surprise was that he had one at all. Nevertheless, his yammering mug finally being silenced because he had a failed heart seems marvelously fitting. After all, while he was alive, this obscenely wealthy miser's heart seemed to fail him at even the most mundane opportunities. Jerry never gave anything to anyone other than an interview. Indeed, so parsimonious was this vain, oily swindler, in the aftermath of our nation's great tragedy on September 11, 2001, the only thing Jerry thought to give those who grieved was blame."

What to say - Advice from Miss Manners

From time to time someone says something incredibly boorish about our situation. I thought the following advice from Miss Manners was right on.

"Dear Miss Manners:

My family and I have just been through the difficult and draining experience of caring for my father through his terminal illness and grieving his loss. While so many have brought comfort and care to us, this milestone has been made more difficult on occasion by allegedly well-meaning people and their almost unbelievably insensitive comments.

For example, to my unmarried sister, 'I guess you'll have to find someone else to walk you down the aisle, dear' or to my mother after church, 'I'll bet the hardest part is waking up in the morning alone.'

What does one say to such people? Is there a polite way to let them know how inappropriate and painful their remarks are to us?

Yes: 'I'm sure you meant to be kind.'"

The Ten Rules of Housekeeping

From my dad. We really weren't raised this way though.

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
   
2. Dust bunnies can evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
   
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
   
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
   
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
   
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children.
   
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."
   
8. If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."
   

Oldies enjoy a renaissance

From Kim Komando:

Thanks to online music stores, old recording artists are making a comeback. Often, their music has been long out of print. But now fans are rediscovering it. Even one-hit wonders are finding that fans are downloading their music.

I have been very happy to find songs that I loved when I was younger on ITunes. I was surprised to find out that I could download music from the Electric Prunes!

Red State Update: Everybody's mad at George Tenet