Bob in Trouble (Don't ever assume what you think is happening, doesn't desire the repercussions)

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4-letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Bill Maher: Rove Reversal - Politics on The Huffington Post

Why didn't I think of this?

Bill Maher: Rove Reversal - Politics on The Huffington Post: "If the Democrats want to win in 2008 they must pull a 'Reverse Rove.' If the Democrats want to beat the Republicans, and I mean really beat them, not just by a few hundred votes in Florida, Ohio, or Pennsylvania, they've got to start thinking like the Turd Blossom. In the 2004 presidential race Karl Rove mobilized Republican voters by getting initiatives banning gay marriage on the ballots in 11 states. If the Democrats really want to mobilize their base they must push for swing state ballot initiatives that call for reinstating the draft. Even if it's a local draft, calling up young men and women to serve in their state's depleted National Guard units. That would really get the Democratic base to turn out en mass: young people, reasonable mothers and fathers, the anti-war crowd -- America's true silent majority."

Interesting statistics

Number of the Day

41: Percentage of Americans who, when asked to name a Republican running for president, couldn't.

Eighty-one percent of Americans polled by the Pew Research Center could name at least one Democrat running for president. And if you need one more sign that the Republicans are just a little obsessed with Hillary Clinton, here you go: When asked to name a Democratic candidate, 78 percent of Republicans named Clinton, but only 57 percent of Republicans could name their own front-runner, Rudy Giuliani.

Overall, 62 percent of Americans could volunteer the name of Barack Obama. Twenty-eight percent remembered that John Edwards is running, but no other Democrat cracked the double-digit barrier.

Asked to name any GOP candidates in the race, 45 percent of Americans named Giuliani; 30 percent said Mitt Romney; 27 percent I.D.'d Fred Thompson; and 24 percent mentioned John McCain. Only eight percent of Americans volunteered the name of Mike Huckabee. Seven percent did the same for Ron Paul.

A little Texas humor from my friend Susan

Three aspiring student psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student From TCU, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," replied the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" the professor asked of the young lady from Rice University

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?"

The Aggie replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

Check Out These Clever Ads . . .

If I read about it on the internet, it must be true

Dear All

Thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you,

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice,

I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

If you can't trust Nixon....

Dumb but friendly: Good for a dog, not so much for a president

Just in time for Fred Thompson's GOP debate debut, ABC News has unearthed some vintage Richard Nixon commentary that fits in just a little too comfortably with the fast-emerging conventional wisdom on the man.

Thompson served as minority counsel to the Senate Watergate Committee, and it's in that context that Nixon says -- on tape, of course -- that he thought the young lawyer wasn't smart enough to go up against his Democratic counterpart, Sam Dash. "Dash is too smart for that kid," Nixon tells John Dean on one tape. On another, Nixon tells Alexander Haig that Thompson is "dumb as hell."

In June 1973, White House counsel Fred Buzhardt tells Nixon that the White House has developed "a pretty good rapport" with Thompson, who "came through fine for us this morning."

Nixon: "He isn't very smart, is he?"

Buzhardt: "Not extremely so, but --"

Nixon: "But he's friendly."

Buzhardt: "But he's, he's friendly."

Nixon: "Good."

Gettysburg Address

From Barbara:

This is a Power Point showing how bad the "Gettysburg Address" could have been had it been the type of presentations we are used to now.