Thursday, September 08, 2005
God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
NEW ORLEANS—Throughout the Gulf Coast, Caucasian suburbanites attempting to gather food and drink in the shattered wreckage of shopping districts have reported seeing African?Americans 'looting snacks and beer from damaged businesses.' 'I was in the abandoned Wal-Mart gathering an air mattress so I could float out the potato chips, beef jerky, and Budweiser I'd managed to find,' said white survivor Lars Wrightson, who had carefully selected foodstuffs whose salt and alcohol content provide protection against contamination. 'Then I look up, and I see a whole family of [African-Americans] going straight for the booze. Hell, you could see they had already looted a fortune in diapers.' Radio stations still in operation are advising store owners and white people in the affected areas to locate firearms in sporting-goods stores in order to protect themselves against marauding blacks looting gun shops."
Friday, August 19, 2005
New Scripture -- The 23rd Qualm
3rd QUALM .... Freudian Slipture
Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness. He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war, I will find no exit, for Bush still art in office.
His tax cuts for the rich and his media control, they discomfort me.
He preparest an agenda of deception in the pretense of true religion.
He anointest my head with blood-won oil. My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of his term,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
Author unknown
Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness. He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war, I will find no exit, for Bush still art in office.
His tax cuts for the rich and his media control, they discomfort me.
He preparest an agenda of deception in the pretense of true religion.
He anointest my head with blood-won oil. My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of his term,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
Author unknown
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
SF Gate: Multimedia (image)
SF Gate: Multimedia (image): "Two faces to Piraro's art / Revised cartoon deletes reference to same-sex marriage
The two different Bizarro cartoons. Images courtesy of King Features Syndicate "
The two different Bizarro cartoons. Images courtesy of King Features Syndicate "
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Bush light bulb joke
...How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
None.
Nothing is wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are
improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a
delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served
honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect.
Why do you hate freedom?
--Annonymous
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Calling in sick
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
Monday, March 21, 2005
Monday, February 28, 2005
The 23rd Sigh
Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's
sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception, in the presence of thy religion.
Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of
thy
term.
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's
sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception, in the presence of thy religion.
Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of
thy
term.
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Something to remember....
I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of
it all, by the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp--the thieves, the liars,
the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him
was my old neighbor who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in Hell, was sitting pretty on cloud
nine, looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal? I would love to hear Your take. How'd all these
sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He. "They're all in shock. No one thought they'd see you."
Judge NOT...