Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation

Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation: "

(Pet Store | WY, USA)

(An irate customer comes flying through the door and slams a soaking wet, dead hamster on the counter. I recognize her as a woman I had sold a hamster to an hour ago.)

Me: “Oh my goodness what happened?!”

Customer: “I took this hamster home and he didn’t even live 10 minutes!”

Me: “Why is he all wet?”

Customer: “From being in the aquarium! He swam for awhile, but then he just dropped dead!

Me: “I’m sorry, are you telling me you put him in an aquarium full of water?”

Customer: “You told me hamsters can live in aquariums! You said I didn’t need to buy a cage specifically for hamsters!”

Me: “Hamsters can live in an aquarium, but not in water! When you were picking him out didn’t you notice the others are in empty aquariums with bedding?”

Customer: “You told me he could live in an aquarium! I demand a new hamster! One that is alive!”

Me: “I really don’t think any of our animals are going to work out for you.”

"

Oh Call Him At Home, Where The Phone Charges Roam

Oh Call Him At Home, Where The Phone Charges Roam: "

(Call Center | Victoria, BC, Canada)

(A customer calls in to report his cellphone as stolen 3 weeks earlier while he was on vacation in Vietnam. He had just received a bill for a few thousand dollars for international usage. I asked if I could put him on hold while I checked into his problem. I used the time to confirm the billed calls from Vietnam were to numbers from previous bills; numbers he called all the time. I looked up his to see where the phone was currently registering and was unsurprised to find it registered to a US cell tower. I decided to call it.)

Me: “Hello sir, this is [name] from [service provider]. We were just having a conversation about this phone being lost on your other line. You do realize that what you are attempting to do is fraud? Given the amount of money involved it would be considered a felony.”

Customer Cell Phone: *click*

Landline: *click*

(I dialed into his voicemail and left a very detailed message about prompt payment and made copious notes on the account. The account was paid in full and on time.)

"

Comparisons

Years ago I heard someone say "I was always comparing my insides to someone else's outsides."

I have a corollary to that now which is that one should never compare one's life to another person's Christmas newsletter.  I got a call from someone who said that he had hesitated to call before because he didn't think that he was as successful as I was.  Naturally, I didn't think that I had it together as well as he did either.

Happily, we cleared up the misconceptions and had a very nice chat.  I am glad he called.

The Grinch Who Shocked Christmas

The Grinch Who Shocked Christmas: "

(Bookstore | PA, USA)

(It is December and Christmas decorations have been recently put up throughout town. I recognize our town manager, in the store. She is responsible for all the towns’ decorations.)

Me: *as I am ringing up her books* “I love all the lights downtown!”

Town Manager: “Thank you!”

Me: “My favorite is the reindeer topiary garden!”

Town Manager: *scowling* “Well they do look nice, but unfortunately the children like them too.

Me: *confused* “Excuse me?”

Town Manager: “The children! They are always trying to touch the reindeer.”

Me: “I’m sure they’re very excited about Christmas, and hearing all about Rudolph.”

Town Manager: “The decorations are for looking at! Not for touching! I suggested electricity but no one liked that idea.”

Me: “You suggested what?”

Town Manager: “Just a light jolt, to discourage the children!”

(I am stunned and silent.)

Town Manager: “No, no one else liked that idea either.”

Me: “Here are your books! Happy holidays!”

"

Find Missing Manuals for PCs, Printers, and More

Find Missing Manuals for PCs, Printers, and More: "With a library of more than 100,000 downloadable instruction guides for all manner of electronics, Retrevo is a great place to start your search.








"

Quote Details: Kurt Vonnegut: There is a tragic... - The Quotations Page

There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

Kurt Vonnegut, "Cold Turkey", In These Times, May 10, 2004
US novelist (1922 - 2007)

In Need Of A Better Outlook

I think I know her.

In Need Of A Better Outlook:

(Tech Support | Riverside, CA, USA)

Customer: “I’m having issues with my Outlook.”

Me: “Show me the problem you’re having so I can see if I can fix it for you.”

(She has six passwords each over twenty characters long, Bios password, Windows password, Zone Alarm Password, Outlook Password, etc…)

Me: “You don’t need to have your passwords that long for security’s sake.”

Customer: “I read on the internet that sniffers give up if the password is too long.”

Me: “I’m happy you did your research, but you don’t have to have it longer then 15 characters long.”

Customer: “Well I’m afraid if someone steals my laptop, the programs that can recover passwords can’t detect past twenty letters.”

Me: “That’s true, but no one really does that anymore. In this business we have customers coming in all the time to have us remove the password for them because they forgot it. For instance, I can get into your laptop in less then 2 – 3 minutes without your help.”

Customer: “No way. I’ve made precautions.”

Me: “I will be more then happy to show you that I can. But I would have to charge you a half hour fee and you would have to sign the work order giving me permission to.”

Customer: “And if you can’t? ”

Me: “Then I will be more then happy to refund you the money and you would have won this war.”

(Customer then pays the fee and signs the work order.)

Me: “Give me a moment.”

(A minute later.)

Me: “Here you go, I’m logged in to your Outlook.”

Customer: “Oh my God! How did you do that?”

Me: “If your really worried about someone stealing your laptop, you shouldn’t have laminated your passwords to the laptop.”

Daniel J. Boorstin

Daniel J. Boorstin: "'Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.'"

Quote Details: Isaac Asimov: The most exciting phrase...

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'

Isaac Asimov
US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

Victoria at the office

After Russell was sworn into the Texas Bar, he and Sarah Jane went over to the Texas Bar office so Barbara and I took Victoria with us. We waited at my office to join up with Russell and Sarah Jane for lunch. Victoria amused herself by exploring the Christmas tree in the lobby of my office.

Yukon Not Believe This Juan, Part 2

Yukon Not Believe This Juan, Part 2: "

(Military | Richmond, VA, USA)

(Canadian Army Reservists go to Fort Pickett in Virginia to train with the National Guard. I am in the last flight out of the U.S. and back to Nova Scotia. I am in my uniform, waiting for to be processed through security when a fellow traveler approaches me.)

Traveler: “Thank you so much for protecting us! We are so proud of the bravery of soldiers defending the United States!”

Me: “Thank you ma’am, but I’m not an American. I’m from the Canadian Army.”

(She looks confused, so I point to the small Canadian flag on my shoulder.)

Me: “You know, your friendly neighbours to the north?”

Traveler: “Oh! Mexico!”

Related:

Yukon Not Believe This Juan

"

Gratefulness

The sermon at church today was on gratefulness.  Since our pastor used to be an English teacher, I am sure she used the word gratefulness as opposed to gratitude for a reason.  The dictionary definition of both seems to be about the same.

Anyhow, today is my son John's 24th birthday.  We had breakfast at IHOP and the manager paid for our meal because we are such regular and loyal customers.  Something to be grateful for, the free breakfast and the fact that we are welcome there.  When several servers started singing a birthday song to John, he started to hit his head, so I had to grab his arms and hold him until they were finished singing.

John seems to have a hard time with special occasions.  I don't know if he is reacting to some disappointment that things don't live up to his expectations or what, but it is something that I have to work around.  Holidays are especially bad and I have to remove John to my office where he is not over stimulated.

We last for a couple of minutes at church today before I had to take John outside because he started hitting his head again.  This is one of those weeks that I am surprised that I don't get a visit from some adult protective services agency.  I am the one with the injured hand from the experience, not John.   We went for a walk and John calmed down and seemed pretty happy.  We went back into the service and I ended up holding him pretty tightly for most of the service. 

With all of that, I am sure that I did not pay 100% attention to the sermon, but I did catch a few ideas that I am going to have to think about.  

What I heard was that for a given situation, I have a choice of asking myself  "Why me?" or looking at it as an opportunity for gratefulness.  Whether or not Rev. Karen actually said what I heard or not probably doesn't make much difference.  

Since John was diagnosed with autism some 21 years ago, I have had a lot of "Why me" moments.  IHOP and  taking John from church this morning come to mind.  Not as many gratefulness moments though.  Like I said, something to pray and think about.

Love Thy Culturally Homogenous Neighbor

From Not Always Right.


(Grocery Store | Orlando, FL, USA)
Me: “I hope you’ve found everything to your liking!”
Customer: “Oh, thank you, I have! It’s so nice to meet a polite Christian girl nowadays! You know, it’s always best to love thy neighbor.”
Me: “Oh, actually, I’m not Christian. But yes, I agree.”
Customer: “Oh. Well, as long as you love Jesus our savior!”
Me: “Actually, I’m Muslim and Jewish.”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Well, my mother is Jewish and my father is Muslim.”
Customer: “Oh. When I said ‘love thy neighbor,’ I didn’t mean you!”

Sadly, There Is No Cure For Rudeness

I have Ichthyosis, so I totally understand where this guy is coming from....

CONVENIENCE STORE | NORTH BATTLEFORD, SK, CANADA

(I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition which leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)
Customer: “What’s wrong with you?”
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Customer: “Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?”
Me: “Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh eating disease. Very painful.”
Customer: “Oh my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?”
Me: “Well, you probably already have it.”
Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*

First Things First

Police arrest man after beer found in child safety seat » Corpus Christi Caller-Times

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Getting Old(er)

The Three Joes.  My dad, brother and grandfather.

I was looking at some of my family pictures from when I was a kid today.  It is kind of fun, looking at my siblings and myself and then comparing them to photos of my grandchildren.

I then had the very frightening thought that in those pictures, me and my siblings are the age of my grandchildren, my parents are in my children's age range, and that I am closer to my grandparent's age.

For example,  in this picture, my dad would have been in his early 30s and my grandfather (his dad) would have been in his late 60s.  It is worse when I think about my maternal grandparents, they would have been several years younger than I am now.

My son leads when communion time comes

There is a terrific piece in the Austin American Statesman today written by a man who has two children with autism.   Here is an excerpt.

No, this is not an old picture of me and John. 

Jeffrey has a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, which we call "autism" for convenience. So here's my dilemma: Jeffrey doesn't have any understanding of Communion. Zero. He's not even baptized, and in fact, he had recently summarized his theology for me as, "At the end of the Bible, Jesus finally gets to come down from the cross."

So, I defer. But the next week he springs up again, as if "The gifts of God for the people of God" were spoken to him personally. He doesn't know about the historical controversy over Transubstantiation, he doesn't know that the Early Church believed that if you took Communion in the wrong way or with the wrong attitude, in the words of a local pastor, "God could freaking kill you."

Most of all, he doesn't understand my conflict with Communion. It is so laden with expectations, with the trappings of human authority, with a presentation that emphasizes transaction, with quid pro quo. Do this and get that. It can and often does feel forced.

Most weeks, my son John goes to church with me, and he is very welcomed there. 

When he first started attending, I had a conversation with my pastor, and I said that I didn't know if John understood much about God.  She replied, 'Who does?'   And she of course is right.   What works for me and John today is to let him participate as much as he wants and is able.  Most weeks that turns out fine.

Victoria

playing with my new phone

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Victoria's Birthday Cake

Victoria totally loves avocados, so her birthday cake was made with avocado frosting.  Victoria loved it!

Victoria is such a wonderful baby.  I am so thankful for the time we have together.

playing with my phone

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