HU'S ON FIRST

Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this today after Hu
Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in
China.


(We take you now to the Oval Office.)



George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?



Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of

China.



George: Great. Lay it on me.



Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.



George: That's what I want to know.



Condi: That's what I'm telling you.



George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of

China?



Condi: Yes.



George: I mean the fellow's name.



Condi: Hu.



George: The guy in China.



Condi: Hu.



George: The new leader of China.



Condi: Hu.



George: The Chinaman!



Condi: Hu is leading China.



George: Now whaddya' asking me for?



Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.



George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?



Condi: That's the man's name.



George: That's who's name?



Condi: Yes.



George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new

leader of China?



Condi: Yes, sir.



George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was

in the Middle East.



Condi: That's correct.



George: Then who is in China?



Condi: Yes, sir.



George: Yassir is in China?



Condi: No, sir.



George: Then who is?



Condi: Yes, sir.



George: Yassir?



Condi: No, sir.



George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new

leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on

the phone.



Condi: Kofi?



George: No, thanks.



Condi: You want Kofi?



George: No.



Condi: You don't want Kofi.



George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass

of milk. And then get me the U.N.



Condi: Yes, sir.



George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.



Condi: Kofi?



George: Milk! Will you please make the call?



Condi: And call who?



George: Who is the guy at the U.N?



Condi: Hu is the guy in China.



George: Will you stay out of China?!



Condi: Yes, sir.



George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy

at the U.N.



Condi: Kofi.



George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the

phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)



Condi: Rice, here.



George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.

Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the

Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?