COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOT

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT


ABBOTT

Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?



COSTELLO

Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.



ABBOTT

Mac?



COSTELLO

No, the name's Lou.



ABBOTT

Your computer?



COSTELLO

I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.



ABBOTT

Mac?



COSTELLO

I told you, my name's Lou.



ABBOTT

What about Windows?



COSTELLO

Why? Will it get stuffy in here?



ABBOTT

Do you want a computer with Windows?



COSTELLO

I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?



ABBOTT

Wallpaper.



COSTELLO

Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.



ABBOTT

Software for Windows?



COSTELLO

No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?



ABBOTT

Office.



COSTELLO

Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?



ABBOTT

I just did.



COSTELLO

You just did what?



ABBOTT

Recommend something.



COSTELLO

You recommended something?



ABBOTT

Yes.



COSTELLO

For my office?



ABBOTT

Yes.



COSTELLO

OK, what did you recommend for my office?



ABBOTT

Office.



COSTELLO

Yes, for my office!



ABBOTT

I recommend Office with Windows.



COSTELLO

I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?



ABBOTT

Word.



COSTELLO

What word?



ABBOTT

Word in Office.



COSTELLO

The only word in office is office.



ABBOTT

The Word in Office for Windows.



COSTELLO

Which word in office for windows?



ABBOTT

The Word you get when you click the blue "W".



COSTELLO

I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?



ABBOTT

Money.



COSTELLO

That's right. What do you have?



ABBOTT

Money.



COSTELLO

I need money to track my money?



ABBOTT

It comes bundled with your computer.



COSTELLO

What's bundled with my computer?



ABBOTT

Money.



COSTELLO

Money comes with my computer?



ABBOTT

Yes. No extra charge.



COSTELLO

I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?



ABBOTT

One copy.



COSTELLO

Isn't it illegal to copy money?



ABBOTT

Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.



COSTELLO

They can give you a license to copy money?



ABBOTT

Why not? THEY OWN IT!



(A few days later)


ABBOTT

Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?



COSTELLO

How do I turn my computer off?



ABBOTT

Click on "START".............