Daily Affirmations

From my dad.

• I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.



• A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.



• As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.



• I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.



• Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."



• I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.



• As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.



• I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.



• I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.



• Joan of Arc heard voices too.



• When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.



• The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.



• As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.



• Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.



• Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.



• Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?



• I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.



• I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.