Finally got around to moving pictures from my camera to my PC. 
Monday, March 13, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
TheDenverChannel.com - Local News - Strange-Looking Car Leads To Explosives Charges
TheDenverChannel.com - Local News - Strange-Looking Car Leads To Explosives Charges: "A man from Sheridan is facing explosives charges after he accidentally blew up his own car with a gas-filled balloon he was taking to a Super Bowl party."
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Why?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Doctor: Autistic boy died from drug mixup
Doctor: Autistic boy died from drug mixup: "THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
PITTSBURGH -- A 5-year-old autistic boy died from a drug mixup, not the lead-poisoning treatment that was attempted to ease his disorder, a federal health official who reviewed the boy's autopsy results said.
Instead of a synthetic amino acid that treats lead poisoning, Abubakar Tariq Nadama was given a medication that removes calcium, said Dr. Mary Jean Brown, chief of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's lead poisoning prevention branch.
'It's a case of look-alike/sound-alike medications,' Brown said Tuesday. The drug 'acted as a claw' that pulled too much calcium from his blood, causing an emergency event.
She said the child was given Disodium EDTA instead of Calcium Disodium EDTA. 'They sound alike. They're clear and colorless and odorless. They were mixed up,' Brown said.
The treatment Abubakar was receiving, called chelation therapy, is FDA-approved for lead poisoning. The therapy has not been proven to help autistic patients, though some parents and doctors advocate it because they believe autism is caused by heavy metals.
Abubakar of Monroeville died Aug. 23 in his doctor's office after his third chelation treatment, the coroner has said. Brown reviewed the autopsy report for the CDC.
Dr. Roy Eugene Kerry, who treated Abubakar, did not immediately return a message left at his office Wednesday morning by The Associated Press.
Butler County Coroner William Young has said he plans to meet soon with District Attorney Randa Clark and the state police to determine if an inquest is warranted. For now, Young is classifying the death as an accident."
PITTSBURGH -- A 5-year-old autistic boy died from a drug mixup, not the lead-poisoning treatment that was attempted to ease his disorder, a federal health official who reviewed the boy's autopsy results said.
Instead of a synthetic amino acid that treats lead poisoning, Abubakar Tariq Nadama was given a medication that removes calcium, said Dr. Mary Jean Brown, chief of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's lead poisoning prevention branch.
'It's a case of look-alike/sound-alike medications,' Brown said Tuesday. The drug 'acted as a claw' that pulled too much calcium from his blood, causing an emergency event.
She said the child was given Disodium EDTA instead of Calcium Disodium EDTA. 'They sound alike. They're clear and colorless and odorless. They were mixed up,' Brown said.
The treatment Abubakar was receiving, called chelation therapy, is FDA-approved for lead poisoning. The therapy has not been proven to help autistic patients, though some parents and doctors advocate it because they believe autism is caused by heavy metals.
Abubakar of Monroeville died Aug. 23 in his doctor's office after his third chelation treatment, the coroner has said. Brown reviewed the autopsy report for the CDC.
Dr. Roy Eugene Kerry, who treated Abubakar, did not immediately return a message left at his office Wednesday morning by The Associated Press.
Butler County Coroner William Young has said he plans to meet soon with District Attorney Randa Clark and the state police to determine if an inquest is warranted. For now, Young is classifying the death as an accident."
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
The, Um, 'Class' of '06
The, Um, 'Class' of '06: "Dear Miss Manners:
My daughter will graduate in May. I have had discussions with her about the benefits of homeownership and thought it would be great to start a 'my future home' account for her, and have her monetary graduation gifts directed there. She likes that idea.
I spoke with my financial adviser and found that we could very easily set up a trust for that purpose. The problem is getting the word out. I believe that it is perfectly acceptable to include the trust information in the graduation announcement. She thinks it's tacky and in poor taste and believes that I should call everyone and share the information personally.
If you agree with me, please let me know how I can tastefully word the insert; if not, what would you suggest as an alternative?
As an alternative, Miss Manners would suggest teaching your daughter that financial responsibility means paying your own bills, not begging from others, and that common sense says that no one, no matter how fond of your daughter, wants to buy her a house.
It is not only the magnitude of your nerve that makes it rude. Soliciting donations and presents has become so commonplace that people now believe trolling for money and goods is tasteless only when it seems especially greedy. You would get the prize for that, but those who make smaller demands are no less rude. Just less imaginative."
My daughter will graduate in May. I have had discussions with her about the benefits of homeownership and thought it would be great to start a 'my future home' account for her, and have her monetary graduation gifts directed there. She likes that idea.
I spoke with my financial adviser and found that we could very easily set up a trust for that purpose. The problem is getting the word out. I believe that it is perfectly acceptable to include the trust information in the graduation announcement. She thinks it's tacky and in poor taste and believes that I should call everyone and share the information personally.
If you agree with me, please let me know how I can tastefully word the insert; if not, what would you suggest as an alternative?
As an alternative, Miss Manners would suggest teaching your daughter that financial responsibility means paying your own bills, not begging from others, and that common sense says that no one, no matter how fond of your daughter, wants to buy her a house.
It is not only the magnitude of your nerve that makes it rude. Soliciting donations and presents has become so commonplace that people now believe trolling for money and goods is tasteless only when it seems especially greedy. You would get the prize for that, but those who make smaller demands are no less rude. Just less imaginative."
Salon.com | The big lie
I love Garrison Keillor. I wonder who he is talking about?
Salon.com | The big lie: "But who tells the truth to the man who is driving straight into the setting sun and thinks he's heading due east? His wife murmurs that, uh, maybe we should look at a map, and he accuses her of being a defeatist who tries to tear him down any way she can in order to conceal her own lack of ideas. The man is heading the wrong way and speeding and the idiot light is flashing -- low oil pressure -- and the idiot is trying to be manly and authoritative but everyone can see he's faking it, hoping for God to rearrange the landscape for his convenience. Someone ought to speak up, and yet he is fascinating. As the administration is these days, so resonant and believable. The Arctic icecap melts and the Chinese finance our tax cuts and someday we will have spent six years and trillions of dollars to bring democracy to Iraq, whatever that may mean, and the SUV of state turns toward the setting sun, driven by cocker spaniels. And there is so much intensity there, and they are so much in the moment."
Salon.com | The big lie: "But who tells the truth to the man who is driving straight into the setting sun and thinks he's heading due east? His wife murmurs that, uh, maybe we should look at a map, and he accuses her of being a defeatist who tries to tear him down any way she can in order to conceal her own lack of ideas. The man is heading the wrong way and speeding and the idiot light is flashing -- low oil pressure -- and the idiot is trying to be manly and authoritative but everyone can see he's faking it, hoping for God to rearrange the landscape for his convenience. Someone ought to speak up, and yet he is fascinating. As the administration is these days, so resonant and believable. The Arctic icecap melts and the Chinese finance our tax cuts and someday we will have spent six years and trillions of dollars to bring democracy to Iraq, whatever that may mean, and the SUV of state turns toward the setting sun, driven by cocker spaniels. And there is so much intensity there, and they are so much in the moment."
Friday, January 13, 2006
BobGeiger.com: Why Does George W. Bush Hate America?
BobGeiger.com: Why Does George W. Bush Hate America?: " If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator' ~ George W. Bush, December 18, 2000
Here's something that President Bush has been saying a lot this week: '... we should not fear debate. It's one of the great strengths of our democracy that we can discuss our differences openly and honestly -- even in times of war.'
And no matter how many times he or his surrogates mouth the words, they ring just as false as the last.
I'm really beginning to wonder why Bush doesn't just cut to the chase and start rounding up all of us who disagree with the Iraq war -- and his entire method of governing -- and ship us off to some massive forced-labor camp in the middle of the Nevada desert. He can use subtle code phrases all he likes, but the words coming out of this president's mouth might as well have been spoken by any two-bit dictator in the world.
Debate is good – just so you agree with him. And dissent on the Iraq war is fine – just so long as you don't mind aiding and abetting the terrorists. Bush has given two big speeches in the last 48 hours and in both of them he tried very hard to frame the 'debate' in exactly that way, while still coming off as reasonable to his sycophantic audiences."
Here's something that President Bush has been saying a lot this week: '... we should not fear debate. It's one of the great strengths of our democracy that we can discuss our differences openly and honestly -- even in times of war.'
And no matter how many times he or his surrogates mouth the words, they ring just as false as the last.
I'm really beginning to wonder why Bush doesn't just cut to the chase and start rounding up all of us who disagree with the Iraq war -- and his entire method of governing -- and ship us off to some massive forced-labor camp in the middle of the Nevada desert. He can use subtle code phrases all he likes, but the words coming out of this president's mouth might as well have been spoken by any two-bit dictator in the world.
Debate is good – just so you agree with him. And dissent on the Iraq war is fine – just so long as you don't mind aiding and abetting the terrorists. Bush has given two big speeches in the last 48 hours and in both of them he tried very hard to frame the 'debate' in exactly that way, while still coming off as reasonable to his sycophantic audiences."
Thursday, January 05, 2006
AlterNet: Six Degrees of Osama bin Laden
AlterNet: Six Degrees of Osama bin Laden: "Do you remember a parlor game that was popular a few years ago called 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon'? The game was to name any actor and then see who could connect him to the actor Kevin Bacon in the least number of moves. For example, Elvis Presley: Presley once appeared in a film with Ed Asner, Ed Asner later appeared in a film with Kevin Bacon, therefore Presley has a Bacon score of two.
How long do you think it would take to connect you to Osama bin Laden?"
How long do you think it would take to connect you to Osama bin Laden?"
Saturday, December 24, 2005
AlterNet: The War on Xma$
AlterNet: The War on Xma$: "Will Durst's 2005 Xma$ Gift Wi$h Li$t
# For former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich, who says he's thinking of running for the presidency in 2008: Second thoughts.
# For hotel heiress Paris Hilton: A yearlong sabbatical in Kazakhstan. Actually, that gift is for the rest of us.
# For Bill O'Reilly: A four-day, all-expenses-paid trip to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco.
# For Gavin Newsom: A copy of the unrated version of 'Requiem for a Dream,' so he can see what sexist and offensive really looks like.
# For Hillary Clinton: A new best seller entitled 'It Takes an Impeachment.'
# For the Democratic Senate: The gumption to continue the fight for the rights of minorities. Even if the main minority they're fighting for these days is themselves.
# For San Francisco Police Chief Heather Fong: A sense of humor.
# For Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: One blessedly quiet year in a Donald-Rumsfeld-free zone.
# For the Democratic House of Representatives: A spine.
# For George W. Bush: An approval rating higher than his average test scores in college.
# For televangelist Pat Robertson: A 'Clue Train' Fast Pass so he can ride for free for 30 days.
# For Supreme Court Justice nominee Samuel Alito: A Harriet Miers Swimsuit Calendar.
# For Cindy Sheehan: Whatever it takes to prompt more"
# For former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich, who says he's thinking of running for the presidency in 2008: Second thoughts.
# For hotel heiress Paris Hilton: A yearlong sabbatical in Kazakhstan. Actually, that gift is for the rest of us.
# For Bill O'Reilly: A four-day, all-expenses-paid trip to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco.
# For Gavin Newsom: A copy of the unrated version of 'Requiem for a Dream,' so he can see what sexist and offensive really looks like.
# For Hillary Clinton: A new best seller entitled 'It Takes an Impeachment.'
# For the Democratic Senate: The gumption to continue the fight for the rights of minorities. Even if the main minority they're fighting for these days is themselves.
# For San Francisco Police Chief Heather Fong: A sense of humor.
# For Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: One blessedly quiet year in a Donald-Rumsfeld-free zone.
# For the Democratic House of Representatives: A spine.
# For George W. Bush: An approval rating higher than his average test scores in college.
# For televangelist Pat Robertson: A 'Clue Train' Fast Pass so he can ride for free for 30 days.
# For Supreme Court Justice nominee Samuel Alito: A Harriet Miers Swimsuit Calendar.
# For Cindy Sheehan: Whatever it takes to prompt more"
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Letterman is God!
Salon.com Arts & Entertainment | The Fix: "Letterman's mind control: A woman in New Mexico has filed a restraining order against David Letterman, claiming that he's been tormenting her with secret, coded messages through the television. The woman, Colleen Nestler, claims that Letterman communicated to her that he wants to marry her and make her his co-host on 'The Late Show.' The 'mental cruelty' and 'sleep deprivation' that Letterman allegedly inflicted on Nestler apparently came in the form of gestures and eye expressions, songs sung by guest bands on the show, and the letter C on baseball caps. The proposal came in 1993 when Letterman joked on-screen, 'Marry me, Oprah.' Nestler claims that Oprah is one of her code names. In the temporary restraining order, which was granted by Santa Fe District Judge Daniel Sanchez, Nestler stipulates that Letterman stay three yards away from her and that he not 'think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering.' (E! Online)"
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOT
Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO
Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT
Mac?
COSTELLO
No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT
Your computer?
COSTELLO
I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT
Mac?
COSTELLO
I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT
What about Windows?
COSTELLO
Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT
Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO
I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT
Wallpaper.
COSTELLO
Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT
Software for Windows?
COSTELLO
No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT
Office.
COSTELLO
Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT
I just did.
COSTELLO
You just did what?
ABBOTT
Recommend something.
COSTELLO
You recommended something?
ABBOTT
Yes.
COSTELLO
For my office?
ABBOTT
Yes.
COSTELLO
OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT
Office.
COSTELLO
Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT
I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO
I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT
Word.
COSTELLO
What word?
ABBOTT
Word in Office.
COSTELLO
The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT
The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO
Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT
The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO
I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT
Money.
COSTELLO
That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT
Money.
COSTELLO
I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT
It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO
What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT
Money.
COSTELLO
Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT
Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO
I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT
One copy.
COSTELLO
Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT
Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO
They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT
Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO
How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT
Click on "START".............
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO
Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT
Mac?
COSTELLO
No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT
Your computer?
COSTELLO
I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT
Mac?
COSTELLO
I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT
What about Windows?
COSTELLO
Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT
Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO
I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT
Wallpaper.
COSTELLO
Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT
Software for Windows?
COSTELLO
No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT
Office.
COSTELLO
Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT
I just did.
COSTELLO
You just did what?
ABBOTT
Recommend something.
COSTELLO
You recommended something?
ABBOTT
Yes.
COSTELLO
For my office?
ABBOTT
Yes.
COSTELLO
OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT
Office.
COSTELLO
Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT
I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO
I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT
Word.
COSTELLO
What word?
ABBOTT
Word in Office.
COSTELLO
The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT
The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO
Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT
The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO
I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT
Money.
COSTELLO
That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT
Money.
COSTELLO
I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT
It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO
What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT
Money.
COSTELLO
Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT
Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO
I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT
One copy.
COSTELLO
Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT
Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO
They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT
Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO
How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT
Click on "START".............
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
12 Days of Christmas
Christmas legend?
There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me.
What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?
Today, I found out. From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly.
Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.
It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church.
Each element in the carol has a code word for a > religious reality, which the children could remember.
The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ. Two turtledoves were the Old and New Testaments Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. The ten lords a-leaping were the Ten Commandments.
The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in The Apostles' Creed.
So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol...so pass it on if you wish.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Salon.com Arts & Entertainment | The Fix
Salon.com Arts & Entertainment | The Fix: "Money Quotes:
Mike Wallace on what questions he'd ask George W. Bush -- who has declined to be interviewed by Wallace -- if he were given the chance: 'What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? … You apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military … Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [bleeped] up?'"
Mike Wallace on what questions he'd ask George W. Bush -- who has declined to be interviewed by Wallace -- if he were given the chance: 'What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? … You apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military … Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [bleeped] up?'"
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Salon.com Books | "The Truth (With Jokes)"
Al Franken pukes into his wastebasket in Chapter 4 of his new book, then spends Chapter 5 in "Rove-induced septic shock."
Salon.com Books | "The Truth (With Jokes)": "He then analyzes this victory, citing figures from the Economist showing that the percentage of the electorate who voted on the basis of 'moral or ethical issues' was actually lower in 2004 than in the two previous elections. 'Okay? All right? So it wasn't moral values, asshole. (Although coarse language may have played a role.) It was terror. Terror. TERROR!!!' writes Franken. He cites some 'not so widely reported' remarks made by Dick Cheney while campaigning: 'We have very credible evidence that tells us that if [John] Kerry wins, the following states will be hit: Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania ...' This, like many others in the book, is one of those jokes you don't laugh at so much as nod at, thinking, 'Oh man, that's so true.' Indeed, here and elsewhere, Franken's not just being funny. He includes some pretty interesting stuff about a subfield of social psychology called 'terror management theory.' One TMT study showed that -- paraphrasing here, but not making it up -- test subjects, including liberals, were more likely to prefer Bush over Kerry if they'd been prompted first to think about death."
Salon.com Books | "The Truth (With Jokes)": "He then analyzes this victory, citing figures from the Economist showing that the percentage of the electorate who voted on the basis of 'moral or ethical issues' was actually lower in 2004 than in the two previous elections. 'Okay? All right? So it wasn't moral values, asshole. (Although coarse language may have played a role.) It was terror. Terror. TERROR!!!' writes Franken. He cites some 'not so widely reported' remarks made by Dick Cheney while campaigning: 'We have very credible evidence that tells us that if [John] Kerry wins, the following states will be hit: Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania ...' This, like many others in the book, is one of those jokes you don't laugh at so much as nod at, thinking, 'Oh man, that's so true.' Indeed, here and elsewhere, Franken's not just being funny. He includes some pretty interesting stuff about a subfield of social psychology called 'terror management theory.' One TMT study showed that -- paraphrasing here, but not making it up -- test subjects, including liberals, were more likely to prefer Bush over Kerry if they'd been prompted first to think about death."
Friday, October 21, 2005
PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
14. You sing along with elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
20. You can't remember who sent you this list. And, you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
14. You sing along with elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
20. You can't remember who sent you this list. And, you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Quotes of the Day - The Quotations Page
Quotes of the Day - The Quotations Page: "Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
- Alfred E. Newman"
- Alfred E. Newman"
Salon.com | The land of Republican perfection
Salon.com | The land of Republican perfection: "At this point in time, I don't see Karl Rove or Tom DeLay writing a good mea culpa, and I doubt that Colin Powell or Donald Rumsfeld will either. And of course presidents never do, and here is one more proof that we are not now nor have we ever been a Christian nation. Confession is at the heart of the faith. (All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.) But under this administration, the faith has been revised, all the stuff about the poor has been tabled and the confession of sin omitted, and prayer is now a promotional device in which you thank God for making you the terrific person you are. In the Christian view of the world, these folks rank lower than outright atheists, which is a terrifying aspect of the faith -- better never to have believed than to use sacred things for your grimy self-aggrandizement -- and which might scare a Republican into writing a decent book. One can hope for this."
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Qoute of the day
Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness.
- Cullen Hightower
- Cullen Hightower
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Chicago Tribune - Obituaries
Now here is a man after my own heart.
Chicago Tribune - Obituaries: "In lieu of flowers, please send acerbic letters to Republicans."
Chicago Tribune - Obituaries: "In lieu of flowers, please send acerbic letters to Republicans."
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
AlterNet: From The Wire
AlterNet: From The Wire: "From the Wire
Provided by HuffingtonPost.com
Electricity Turned On In New Orleans Neighborhood For Bush, Turned Off When He Left...
Posted on September 16, 2005 at 1:22 PM.
I am duty-bound to report the talk of the New Orleans warehouse district last night: there was rejoicing (well, there would have been without the curfew, but the few people I saw on the streets were excited) when the power came back on for blocks on end. Kevin Tibbles was positively jubilant on the live update edition of Nightly News that we fed to the West Coast. The mini-mart, long ago cleaned out by looters, was nonetheless bathed in light, including the empty, roped-off gas pumps. The motorcade route through the district was partially lit no more than 30 minutes before POTUS drove through. And yet last night, no more than an hour after the President departed, the lights went out. The entire area was plunged into total darkness again, to audible groans. It's enough to make some of the folks here who witnessed it... jump to certain conclusions."
Provided by HuffingtonPost.com
Electricity Turned On In New Orleans Neighborhood For Bush, Turned Off When He Left...
Posted on September 16, 2005 at 1:22 PM.
I am duty-bound to report the talk of the New Orleans warehouse district last night: there was rejoicing (well, there would have been without the curfew, but the few people I saw on the streets were excited) when the power came back on for blocks on end. Kevin Tibbles was positively jubilant on the live update edition of Nightly News that we fed to the West Coast. The mini-mart, long ago cleaned out by looters, was nonetheless bathed in light, including the empty, roped-off gas pumps. The motorcade route through the district was partially lit no more than 30 minutes before POTUS drove through. And yet last night, no more than an hour after the President departed, the lights went out. The entire area was plunged into total darkness again, to audible groans. It's enough to make some of the folks here who witnessed it... jump to certain conclusions."
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
NEW ORLEANS—Throughout the Gulf Coast, Caucasian suburbanites attempting to gather food and drink in the shattered wreckage of shopping districts have reported seeing African?Americans 'looting snacks and beer from damaged businesses.' 'I was in the abandoned Wal-Mart gathering an air mattress so I could float out the potato chips, beef jerky, and Budweiser I'd managed to find,' said white survivor Lars Wrightson, who had carefully selected foodstuffs whose salt and alcohol content provide protection against contamination. 'Then I look up, and I see a whole family of [African-Americans] going straight for the booze. Hell, you could see they had already looted a fortune in diapers.' Radio stations still in operation are advising store owners and white people in the affected areas to locate firearms in sporting-goods stores in order to protect themselves against marauding blacks looting gun shops."
Friday, August 19, 2005
New Scripture -- The 23rd Qualm
3rd QUALM .... Freudian Slipture
Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness. He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war, I will find no exit, for Bush still art in office.
His tax cuts for the rich and his media control, they discomfort me.
He preparest an agenda of deception in the pretense of true religion.
He anointest my head with blood-won oil. My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of his term,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
Author unknown
Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness. He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war, I will find no exit, for Bush still art in office.
His tax cuts for the rich and his media control, they discomfort me.
He preparest an agenda of deception in the pretense of true religion.
He anointest my head with blood-won oil. My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of his term,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
Author unknown
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
SF Gate: Multimedia (image)
SF Gate: Multimedia (image): "Two faces to Piraro's art / Revised cartoon deletes reference to same-sex marriage
The two different Bizarro cartoons. Images courtesy of King Features Syndicate "
The two different Bizarro cartoons. Images courtesy of King Features Syndicate "
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Bush light bulb joke
...How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
None.
Nothing is wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are
improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a
delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served
honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect.
Why do you hate freedom?
--Annonymous
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Calling in sick
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
Monday, March 21, 2005
Monday, February 28, 2005
The 23rd Sigh
Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's
sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception, in the presence of thy religion.
Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of
thy
term.
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's
sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception, in the presence of thy religion.
Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of
thy
term.
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Heaven
Something to remember....
I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of
it all, by the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp--the thieves, the liars,
the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him
was my old neighbor who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in Hell, was sitting pretty on cloud
nine, looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal? I would love to hear Your take. How'd all these
sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He. "They're all in shock. No one thought they'd see you."
Judge NOT...
Monday, January 31, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Russell Murdock - Sports writer
Cougars dominate men's track ::: "By Russell Murdock The Daily Universe"
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Mercora P2P Radio review by PC Magazine
Mercora P2P Radio review by PC Magazine: "Looking for a way to share digital music without risking a lawsuit? Look at Mercora, a new music-sharing service that adheres to the letter of federal law. Billed as 'P2P Radio,' Mercora lets you broadcast your music collection across the Net and listen to broadcasts from thousands of other music lovers. But you needn't worry about broadcasting copyrighted material and running afoul of the major recording labels. Mercora's parent company pays the labels a rights fee for each song the service streams."
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Can therapy fix my parents?
http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2005/01/06/parents_and_therapy/index.html
If, however, you do come to feel that it's your relationship with your parents that is holding you back, then try this: Ask yourself not how you feel about your parents but what you owe your parents. What are your obligations at this point in your life? They have put you through college but now you're on your own: How can you fulfill your obligations?
This is different from asking what your parents want from you. Our parents may want us to fulfill certain unconscious wishes they retain from childhood, from their own relationships with their parents. We cannot help them with that. You can determine, however, what your concrete obligations are. And I think you can probably fulfill many of those obligations.
So what are our obligations to our parents? In general terms, you might come up with a list something like this: To speak with them or visit at least once a month. Not to cause them undue pain. Not to shame them. Not to steal from them. To treat them kindly and with respect. To help them when they become no longer able to take care of themselves. To be a comfort to them when possible.
Beyond fulfilling such obligations as these, we can get into trouble. For not only do you have obligations to your parents, but they have obligations to you. One of their chief obligations is to provide an environment in which you can become who you are. So if you betray yourself, then you betray your parents as well. For instance, suppose you conclude it's your duty to your parents to become a plastic surgeon. If you are not suited to be a plastic surgeon, then in trying to become one you undermine your parents' chief duty to you.
So the best you can do, as an adult, is to fulfill your concrete obligations to your parents. The rest -- the emotional tenor of your relationship, your compatibility, your taste and politics and ideas, their projected wishes for you -- is chancy.
If you can satisfy yourself that you are doing what is right and necessary as a daughter, perhaps it will ease some of the pain that arises when you see your parents. Perhaps it will also allow you to limit your contact with your parents without an undue sense of guilt.
It's hard at 24 to imagine how a lifetime of experience has molded one's parents, and harder still to keep in mind that time will continue to change them, robbing them of both their acuity and their rancor. If you simply go about living, you will find that these things take place, slowly but surely, seemingly without anyone's effort.
If, however, you do come to feel that it's your relationship with your parents that is holding you back, then try this: Ask yourself not how you feel about your parents but what you owe your parents. What are your obligations at this point in your life? They have put you through college but now you're on your own: How can you fulfill your obligations?
This is different from asking what your parents want from you. Our parents may want us to fulfill certain unconscious wishes they retain from childhood, from their own relationships with their parents. We cannot help them with that. You can determine, however, what your concrete obligations are. And I think you can probably fulfill many of those obligations.
So what are our obligations to our parents? In general terms, you might come up with a list something like this: To speak with them or visit at least once a month. Not to cause them undue pain. Not to shame them. Not to steal from them. To treat them kindly and with respect. To help them when they become no longer able to take care of themselves. To be a comfort to them when possible.
Beyond fulfilling such obligations as these, we can get into trouble. For not only do you have obligations to your parents, but they have obligations to you. One of their chief obligations is to provide an environment in which you can become who you are. So if you betray yourself, then you betray your parents as well. For instance, suppose you conclude it's your duty to your parents to become a plastic surgeon. If you are not suited to be a plastic surgeon, then in trying to become one you undermine your parents' chief duty to you.
So the best you can do, as an adult, is to fulfill your concrete obligations to your parents. The rest -- the emotional tenor of your relationship, your compatibility, your taste and politics and ideas, their projected wishes for you -- is chancy.
If you can satisfy yourself that you are doing what is right and necessary as a daughter, perhaps it will ease some of the pain that arises when you see your parents. Perhaps it will also allow you to limit your contact with your parents without an undue sense of guilt.
It's hard at 24 to imagine how a lifetime of experience has molded one's parents, and harder still to keep in mind that time will continue to change them, robbing them of both their acuity and their rancor. If you simply go about living, you will find that these things take place, slowly but surely, seemingly without anyone's effort.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Cary Tennis
Very validating. When I grew up I was made to feel bad for being pissed
when my sister stole from me.
There's no way a family can live together if you can't put your wallet down
on a table and be able to grope around later that night, or in the morning,
and find it, and dig out that receipt for the lamp that you got overcharged
for and say, Aha, see, I told you they overcharged me! I mean, that's the
very definition of shelter. Since the very earliest humanids began living in
social groups for mutual protection, the wallet stuffed with receipts has
been the key totem that delineated the domestic sphere from the wild. Proto-
humanid wallets have been found in the oldest archaeological digs -- some
even with the credit cards still in them! Amazing! But true. Because the
wallet is the central item of domestication. Elephant skin. Buffalo skin.
The wallet and the hearth. That's home and family.
I'm not sure there is a whole lot more to say than this: You cannot live
with people who steal your wallet and scatter your credit cards on the
sidewalk in a bad part of town; when family members do that they forfeit the
privileges of the familial bond -- you know, that gray zone where you
tolerate stuff from family that you wouldn't tolerate from a roommate. Theft
of money puts them on the other side of the fence. You can still talk to
them, and they can still be your family. But you can't live with them.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Amazon.com Is For Republicans / Attention, liberal shoppers! Next year, screw those GOP-supportin' companies, and try buying blue
Amazon.com Is For Republicans / Attention, liberal shoppers! Next year, screw those GOP-supportin' companies, and try buying blue: "And the site, called buyblue.org (along with its more detailed but less intuitively named counterpart, choosetheblue.com), spawned a mini movement and the mini movement spawned this very column and now you are right now encouraged to go see for yourself and discover the moderately shocking truths regarding which big shiny companies suck up to the happy sneering homophobic enviro-slappin' warmongering Repubs and which give thousands to the whiny limping kick-us-when-we're-down Demos. "
Friday, December 17, 2004
Here's a few hints to help you watch those pounds this Christmas.
1. Tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal - It'll take the edge off your
appetite.
2. If you eat equal amounts of dark and white chocolate, that's a balanced
diet.
3. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
4. Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That
way at least you'll get one thing right.
5. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories
in one place. Now isn't that handy?
6. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
7. Two reasons why chocolate is a vegetable.
(a) Chocolate is derived from beans. Beans = vegetable
( Sugar is derived from either Cane of Beet. Both are plants, which
places them in the vegetable category
8. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control pantyhose. An
entire garment industry would be devastated.
9. REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts".
1. Tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal - It'll take the edge off your
appetite.
2. If you eat equal amounts of dark and white chocolate, that's a balanced
diet.
3. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
4. Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That
way at least you'll get one thing right.
5. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories
in one place. Now isn't that handy?
6. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
7. Two reasons why chocolate is a vegetable.
(a) Chocolate is derived from beans. Beans = vegetable
( Sugar is derived from either Cane of Beet. Both are plants, which
places them in the vegetable category
8. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control pantyhose. An
entire garment industry would be devastated.
9. REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Thought for the day
LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION!
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In vet medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."