Slate V - Damned Spot: Romney's "Ocean"

John Dickerson analyzes a new ad by GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney. The spot tries to burnish Romney's credentials as a cultural conservative, but please, Mitt: Block that metaphor!

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Gmail - Kim Komando Show Daily News - Thursday, July 12, 2007

Kim Komando Show Daily News - Thursday, July 12, 2007: "Wii shortages may continue
Nintendo warned of Wii shortages this holiday season. The game systems are a huge hit. If you find the Wii in stores, buy it, company officials say. Those who wait could regret it. Also, the company promises about 100 new games by year’s end. It also plans new controllers."

This is bad news for John. Russell is taking his Wii with him.

Salt Lake Tribune - Kirby: The devil wears Dockers? Who knew?

Salt Lake Tribune - Kirby: The devil wears Dockers? Who knew?: "Wait, it gets worse. Apparently members of Carl's stake are exhorted to wear their best in engagement and wedding photos - and to not allow family members to be included in them if they aren't dressed appropriately."

I wonder if my goatee and shaved head would violate the dress standards for this stake president?

First-born kid a tad brainier than siblings, study says

I am sure my younger siblings would disagree.....

First-born kid a tad brainier than siblings, study says: "Scientists reported Thursday that first-born children, including those who become first after an older sibling dies young, tend to be smarter than subsequent offspring."

Fathers get no respect | Salon.com

Fathers get no respect | Salon.com: "Well, there is fatherhood in a nutshell. A big misunderstanding. We were young swashbuckling guys riding around in cool cars on a hot summer night and we pulled into the A&W for a root beer and these girls walked over in their little white summer dresses and the next thing we knew we had a house and a lawn and a teenager glowering at us and muttering something about us not understanding him. He thinks he's misunderstood -- hey, how about us? Look at Father's Day. All year long, we dads look forward to Our Day and think, 'Well, maybe this year there will be a big parade. A dads drill team, twirling rakes. A unit of Catholic priests in their big black shoes. A float with the Boston Pops on it.' And then, nothing. No fireworks, no music. A few people murmur, 'Happy Father's Day,' and that's it. It's about as festive as Arbor Day or National Pickle Week."

Back to walking

As the saying goes, anything worth doing is worth overdoing. A couple of weeks ago I went in for my annual exam at the doctor's office. I am not sure but I thought I heard him going 'oink oink' under his breath. He asked me about my exercise program and I had to confess that I hadn't been doing much if anything for a long time.

I posted back a few months ago that my back hurt so bad that I had trouble walking or standing upright more than a few minutes at a time. I got that under control with regular doses of Advil, so my doctor suggested that I start walking again. My big fear of course is that I would start walking and then have my back go out on me. So I started small and walked a few blocks away from my office. That worked out well, so I decided to see if I could go around the entire block. Long story short, after two weeks I am able to walk the steep hills around my office and my home. On Sunday I managed to do around six miles. Granted, it is walking and not jogging, but it does feel good to get out in the sun and breath all the nice allergens in there air. Barbara is convinced I have SAD and she might be right, I am feeling much better now.

The Ethicist: Donating Clothing

Live and learn. I really hadn't given much if any thought where my clothing donations go.

For years, I’ve donated old clothes to charity. Then I learned that many of these garments are shipped to poor countries where they are sold, devastating local industries and thus creating more poverty. The recipients do get inexpensive clothing, and my local charity makes money, but I fear I’m doing more harm than good. Advice? — Georgia Vogelsang, Baltimore

Even benevolent acts can have unintended consequences. Bama Athreya, executive director of the International Labor Rights Fund, says that the used-clothing trade “has contributed to the decimation of local garment industries, and therefore contributed to unemployment in Africa.” He suggests you ask your local charity what it does with used clothing and that you give only to charities that bypass middlemen and distribute donations directly to people in need, particularly to people in your community. This seems wise, maximizing the good and minimizing the ill done by your old “I’m With Stupid” T-shirt.

And yet. . . . Eric Stubin, executive vice president of Trans-Americas FSC, an exporter of used clothing, asserts that these are the only clothes the world’s poorest people can afford, and that companies like his “provide thousands of jobs while providing the essential clothing that has actually become part of the culture of Africa.” Stubin argues that as a country’s economy develops and its people are able to earn more, the used-clothing trade recedes. Until then, he says, the trade’s net effect is benign.

Alas, much that has “become part of the culture of Africa” is lamentable. But when experts clash over the facts, what is a civilian to do? She is to learn more. Doing good requires not only good intentions but due diligence — exhausting but unavoidable.

Runaway Bridezilla

From Miss Manners. Makes me very, very grateful for my children.

Dear Miss Manners:

My husband and I are at our wits' end trying to figure out what to do. Our daughter eloped last month while we were dog-sitting her two dogs and under the pretense she was going on vacation. She had not planned on sharing this information until after she returned home, but was unable to find anyone else to dog-sit.

On the day she returned to pick up her animals, she demanded a wedding gift and card.

We were totally surprised and very hurt that she would run off with her fiance and not include us in the event. As her mother, I was especially disappointed because she has commented for the past 15 years (she is 36) how she would like her wedding, what her dress would look like, etc.

She just sent out announcements that included notice that there will be a reception this summer (in a park setting). Our quandary is this: Do we owe her a wedding gift now or in July? Since she chose to exclude us from her nuptials, are we expected to pay for a portion of the "reception"? If so, what part or how much? This is becoming an issue between us. Her birthday is next week and she indicated she would like her wedding gift before she receives her birthday gift. Right now I feel so betrayed, I don't want to give her either. How do you recommend we handle this?

The same way she did -- by running away. Fast.

It will come as a shock to your daughter, and apparently to you as well, to hear that getting married is not considered to be equivalent to performing a service for others, for which they must pay.

The last Miss Manners checked, adults had control over their own money and had no financial obligations to their adult children. That so many of them sponsor their children's weddings and give them presents presumably is because these are supposed to be happy family occasions, and they take joy in pleasing their children.

If you feel that way, by all means accede to your daughter's demands. If not, Miss Manners would consider that you did quite enough for her on this occasion by minding her dogs.

New Company Policy

We had our annual layoffs again yesterday so the item below is becoming a lot more relevant.

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Severe Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service.

ID ten error

I was having trouble with my computer.

So I called Howard, the computer guy, to come over. Howard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that . in case I need to fix it again?" Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down. I D 1 0 T

I used to like Howard.

New York to London with modern technology

Now THIS is both bizarre and funny!

I guarantee you will show this to someone else, it's too off-the-wall not to.

1. Go to www.google.com

2. Click on "maps"

3. Click on "get directions"

4. Type "New York" in the first box at the top of the page (the "from" box)

5. Type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)

6. Read down to at least step # 21.

Separation of Church and State and Tax Exemptions - washingtonpost.com

I do not plan on voting for Br. Romney, but even I think a vote for Romney is not really a vote for Satan.

Separation of Church and State and Tax Exemptions - washingtonpost.com: "Florida evangelist Bill Keller says he was making a spiritual -- not political -- statement when he warned the 2.4 million subscribers to his Internet prayer ministry that 'if you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for Satan!'"

From my friend Susan: Another Blonde Joke

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there.! "

If you're not sure what a 710 is Click Here

SavareseLowry: You're adopting who?

Super commentary in today's paper.

SavareseLowry: You're adopting who?: "'Why would anyone adopt a badly abused, autistic 6-year-old from foster care?'

So my wife and I were asked at the outset of our adoption-as-a-first-resort adventure. It was a reasonable question in this age of narrow self-concern — far more reasonable, or at least more reasonably put, than many of the other questions we fielded."

Woman: Blame devil for infant in microwave - CNN.com

Just when you think you have heard it all. No wonder so many people (including myself) are so cynical when it comes to religion. With any luck this idiot will be spending the rest of his life preaching his fellow prison inmates.

Woman: Blame devil for infant in microwave - CNN.com: "GALVESTON, Texas (AP) -- A woman blames the devil, and not her husband, for severely burning their infant daughter in a microwave, a Texas television station reported.

Eva Marie Mauldin said Satan compelled her 19-year-old husband, Joshua Royce Mauldin, to microwave their daughter May 10 because the devil disapproved of Joshua's efforts to become a preacher."

Mrs. Betty Bowers' Eulogy to Reverend Jerry Falwell : All's Well That Ends Falwell

This of course is satire but Mrs. Betty Bowers has outdone her self in this column. No tears shed for Falwell here.

Mrs. Betty Bowers' Eulogy to Reverend Jerry Falwell : All's Well That Ends Falwell: "Gossipy paramedics told me that Jerry died of a faulty heart. Frankly, my only surprise was that he had one at all. Nevertheless, his yammering mug finally being silenced because he had a failed heart seems marvelously fitting. After all, while he was alive, this obscenely wealthy miser's heart seemed to fail him at even the most mundane opportunities. Jerry never gave anything to anyone other than an interview. Indeed, so parsimonious was this vain, oily swindler, in the aftermath of our nation's great tragedy on September 11, 2001, the only thing Jerry thought to give those who grieved was blame."

What to say - Advice from Miss Manners

From time to time someone says something incredibly boorish about our situation. I thought the following advice from Miss Manners was right on.

"Dear Miss Manners:

My family and I have just been through the difficult and draining experience of caring for my father through his terminal illness and grieving his loss. While so many have brought comfort and care to us, this milestone has been made more difficult on occasion by allegedly well-meaning people and their almost unbelievably insensitive comments.

For example, to my unmarried sister, 'I guess you'll have to find someone else to walk you down the aisle, dear' or to my mother after church, 'I'll bet the hardest part is waking up in the morning alone.'

What does one say to such people? Is there a polite way to let them know how inappropriate and painful their remarks are to us?

Yes: 'I'm sure you meant to be kind.'"

The Ten Rules of Housekeeping

From my dad. We really weren't raised this way though.

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
   
2. Dust bunnies can evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
   
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
   
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
   
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
   
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children.
   
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."
   
8. If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."
   

Oldies enjoy a renaissance

From Kim Komando:

Thanks to online music stores, old recording artists are making a comeback. Often, their music has been long out of print. But now fans are rediscovering it. Even one-hit wonders are finding that fans are downloading their music.

I have been very happy to find songs that I loved when I was younger on ITunes. I was surprised to find out that I could download music from the Electric Prunes!

Red State Update: Everybody's mad at George Tenet