I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is - Will Durst

I am actually not quite that bad. But my idea now of roughing it is staying at a Holiday Inn.

"The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it - Glaser and Way"

War Room - Finger bitten off at healthcare rally

War Room - Salon.com: "It was one thing when protests over healthcare reform at town halls featured a lot of angry people yelling over each other. Not exactly a great way to conduct an important debate, of course, but nothing out of the ordinary, really -- and we do have that First Amendment thing, after all.

But when people's fingers are getting bitten off, maybe it's time to cool things down a little bit."

Quote - Think twice before you speak....

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once - Evan Esar

Monday stuff

Over the weekend, John's adult care was moved to a new location. I was dreading this since my drive time to work is going to increase quite a bit.

Today was the first day and it didn't go too badly. The good news is that traffic wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be once I got past the nasty bottleneck on the expressway. The new facilities for the adult care seem a lot nicer also, so that is good.

For the last 18 years or so, I have a nice easy commute to work generally on back roads. I live close enough that I often just drive home for lunch. I just hope no one tries to schedule me for an early meeting ever again at work though.

Guilt

Barbara is back to school, so I am dropping John off every morning at an adult day care (for lack of a better term, I am sure I will be corrected later.)

I have to say that I am feeling very guilty about this. On one hand, I know that I have to make a living and that it is an okay place for him to be, he is taken care of, entertained, fed, and they won't let him hurt himself. On the other hand, I don't think he belongs there. I get the impression that he is certainly brighter and more aware than most of the other clients.

One of the reasons we chose this particular facility was because it is close to our house and pretty much on my way to work and on the way home for Barbara. This will all change next week, they are moving to a place where both of us will have to fight traffic getting there and coming back.

I am not sure what are alternatives are at the moment.

When John was diagnosed 19 plus years ago, we decided to take him to a learning center in Irving Texas, which was on my way to work back then. As I recall, he was only there for a few hours a couple of times a week, but it was heartbreaking leaving him there, I could hear him cry all the way out to my car. He doesn't cry now, but it doesn't feel much better to me.

Such is life. I of course am grateful that we found this place through one of my co-workers. Maybe we will find something better.

Police: Baby spotted in parked car before his death

This is such an incredibly sad story. Dad forgets that there is a baby in the back of the car and leaves the car in the hot Texas heat.

Then someone thinks they see a baby locked in a car and then they go inside and tell the security people who can't find the car with the baby.

Lesson: Call 911 and wait by the car until someone shows up.

Why I always dress casually

No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.

Sir Frederick G. Banting
Canadian physician & physiologist (1891 - 1941)

The Salt Lake Tribune: Disabled children need spiritual nurturing, LDS moms say

I already posted this on Facebook. I wanted to be able to reference the article later, so here it is on my blog also.

I personally have very bad memories of trying to take John to LDS services. If I kept him in the meetings, I got nasty looks, if I took him out in the hallways, I would get 'shushed.' It was easier for both of us when we started staying home and letting the other family members attend without us.

Though it could have been worse. Quote from the article:

Some parents of the disabled ask whether church is worth the struggle.

For Jeni Grossman, the answer was a definite "no."

About 25 years ago, Grossman and her husband joined the LDS Church in part because Mormon missionaries taught them that "those born with physical disabilities were once valiant spirits in the pre-[mortal] existence" and that the Mormon priesthood "has the sole authority on Earth to heal in the name of Jesus Christ."

The bishop promised them their son Zachary -- who had spina bifida that left him unable to walk or run -- would be able to do so when he went on a mission at 19.

For the next 14 years, Grossman said, her son endured humiliations such as having to crawl up the steps to his Sunday school class because there was no ramp.

When Zachary was ready for his mission, though, the bishop politely informed them the LDS First Presidency instructed bishops to stop sending the disabled on missions.

Their world collapsed, Grossman said, and they left the church. Their son has since earned a college degree in religious studies, traveled all over the world by himself and become a Catholic.

"With the Catholics, he finally felt God's love again," she said.

Does it really save gas to roll down your windows instead of flipping on the AC?

Does it really save gas to roll down your windows instead of flipping on the AC?: "It's summer, which means many drivers will be cranking up the AC or rolling down the windows to keep their cars from turning into mobile toaster ovens. Which method uses more gas? In a column first published last summer and reprinted below, the Green Lantern explained that it depends on how fast you're driving.

[more ...]

"

Facebook Error

Quote on Disasters

Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.

Quentin Crisp

Cynic

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

H. L. Mencken
US editor (1880 - 1956)

Another End of World Scenario

I grew up hearing that the world was going to end at the end of the century. I figured that I would be in my later 40s at the time, which at the time seemed like a very old age.

Since that was over nine years ago, I suppose that people are coming up with other scenarios.

Two good articles about Facebook

The first is about avoiding FB disasters. It offers some good reasons why you don't necessarily want to accept every application request you might get. I almost always turn down requests.

The second is the more interesting one to me, and that is how to set up FB privacy.

I get a lot of questions about FB privacy, and I would probably get more if people even there was such a thing as privacy on FB.

I thought you should see this story

Tiger escapes magic act, ends up on Vegas streets

http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_16032/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=3HZQQJxz

Sent from my iPod

Egotism

Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.

Frank Leahy

If you want to feel better, write a love letter!”

From a good 12 step friend of mine.

How to write a love letter/inventory

Begin by writing out steps 1, 2 and 3…

Step 1

I admit I am powerless over…so and so, (him, her, them or me) my pain, anger, finances, God, Higher Power, emotions, feelings, my mother, my father, my son/daughter, my husband/wife, AA/OA/NA/CODA/CEA HOW, my surgery, someone else’s surgery, the landlord, the doctor, insurance company, department stores, the grocery clerks, the weather…(whoever or whatever still causes you pain) and my *lives (and their *lives) are unmanageable by me.

Step 2

I do believe that you and only you, God, can restore me (and them) to sanity.

Step 3

I make a decision to turn my will and my *lives and so and so’s *lives over to your care and protection.

Write out: Please God, help me to be honest. Write through me your liberating and healing truth. Guide my hand, ,my heart and my mind in writing my thoughts in this matter.

Step 4 (or Step 10)

Write using the following format. Move through all the levels of feelings, until you get down to the love. Write as much as you can on each topic you can. Freedom comes from the writing, healing comes from sharing the writing (step 5) and peace comes from taking the rest of the steps on the writing.

1. Anger and Blame

I hate it that you…

I’m fed up with….

I don’t like it/didn’t like it when…

2. Hurt and Sadness

I feel hurt when…

I feel disappointed because…

I feel awful because…

I feel sad when…

3. Fear and Insecurity

I’m afraid that…

I feel scared that…

I worry that…

I should have/shouldn’t have…

*Lives – refers to the many roles we play: work life, home life, school life, etc.

4. Guilt and Responsibility

I’m sorry that….

I’m sorry for….

Please forgive me for…

I didn’t mean to….

5. Intention

I want…

I need…

6. Love, Forgiveness, and Understanding

I love you because…

I love when….

Thank you for….

I understand that…

I forgive you for…

Write out: Thank you Lord and so and so, for the revelations in this writing that are necessary for my growth.

Take Step 5

Read your writing to a friend, sponsor, mentor, etc. (not to the person the letter is addressed to!) then take the rest of the steps out loud with the friend or sponsor.

Take Steps 6 and 7

Repeat out loud with your sponsor:

“I am entirely ready to have you, Lord, remove all these defects of character (and if I am not willing, help me to be willing)

I humbly ask you to remove my shortcomings (the ones I see so clearly and the ones I’m not even aware of)”.

Seventh Step Prayer

(Repeat aloud)

My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen.

Steps 8 and 9

If amends are due, we work steps 8 and 9.

Step 8: We make a list of all people we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.

Steps 10

This letter is a 10^th step.

Step 11

(repeat aloud) “I am seeking through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out.”

Step 12

(repeat aloud) “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of “taking these steps”, I will try to carry this message to alcoholics, (addicts, compulsive eaters, codependents, anyone in need) and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

Thank you Lord, and amen.

IOU by Bertha Munro

This poem was read in a recent church service. I liked it enough that I wanted to blog it so I could find it again sometime. It was written by Dr. Bertha Munro, academic dean at Eastern Nazarene College from 1923 to 1957.

"I owe you respect for your personality. You too are that climax of God's creation, made in His likeness. I owe you a right to your opinion. You may differ with me without fear that I shall raise a barrier between us if we do not see eye to eye. We can disagree and still be friends.

"I owe you belief in your integrity. Since I do, I shall put the best possible construction on your actions. I shall trust your words and deeds, even those I am unable to understand.

"I owe you honest treatment; I shall not steal people's good opinion of you. I shall voice the sort of comment on you and your actions that I should wish made on me.

"I owe you a "taking off place." Though I value your friendship, I shall not enslave your spirit nor bind you so closely to me that you will lose the wealth of other friendships, or even fail to develop your own best potentialities.

"I owe you thoughtful consideration. I will not steal your time when you are evidently busy, just because I have free time to "kill."

"I owe you honest wages if I chance to be employer, honest work if I chance to be employed, honest measure and just weight in any case.

"I owe you special help in time of special need: my hand, my ear, my voice. I owe you patience with what seems to me your stupidity or slowness. I owe you the identification of Golden Rule imagination. I owe you "love unfeigned."

"I owe it to you not to push you down in order to lift myself. Rather, I owe it to you to see you forge ahead of me without any reaction of envy or jealousy- even to give you a push.

"I owe you a good example, a Christian testimony. I owe you the gospel of Christ to the limit I possess it. I owe it to you to prove its power to the full, that God may challenge and encourage you by the sight of what He has done for someone else.

"All this I owe you, and much more. I owe it to you not to fall behind with my payments. I shall always owe the abounding love that will meet those unforeseen and unexpected demands of the emergency and will save me from "Thou shalt" and "I must."

"Owe no man any thing, but to love."

Dear Prudence: Autism

I don't always agree with the advice given, but I enjoy reading the column. I got in the habit when I was a kid of reading Ann Landers in the paper.

Anyway, in today's column, she answers the question from a woman who had two pre-school daughters, the younger of the two has autism. The woman is irritated because her mother-in-law does not treat them the same.

I understand where the woman is coming from, but I also see the side of the grandmother. I think it is great that the grandmother can give the older daughter individual attention.

The hardest part about being a parent of a child with autism is also being there for the other children. I don't think I have always succeeded there. On my recent trip to Utah, I ended up spending the majority of my time with my son John, because he needs the majority of my time sometimes. He loves his siblings, in-laws and nephews, but it is hard for him sometimes. The week before we drove to Utah he was saying "Hello, Rachel, hello Rachel" over and over again.

Barbara reminds me that it takes a village to take care of a special needs child. That is just as true in John's case at age 22 as it was when he was 3. I am very grateful for the help that we continue to get from friends, family and church members. I am also grateful for those who have given my other children attention when they needed it.

Anyway, the letter.

Dear Prudence,
I have two beautiful preschool-age daughters. My youngest was diagnosed with autism a year ago. Since the diagnosis, my mother-in-law has been treating the girls very differently, inviting only my oldest daughter to dance recitals, holiday celebrations, movies, etc. She just called to invite her on a weekend getaway. I told her no, it wouldn't be fair to my youngest daughter. I believe she is ashamed or embarrassed by my little girl. My husband doesn't understand how his mom can be this way. I am this close to prohibiting my in-laws from seeing the children. My youngest is going to understand soon that she is being excluded from events. I was so afraid of how strangers would treat her, and the real problem lies in the family. What should I do?

—Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,
Your mother-in-law may be ashamed or embarrassed, but she also may just be afraid. Afraid that a child with autism is too much for her to handle, that your youngest daughter may act up in a way that leaves her baffled and helpless. Instead of getting angry, you and your husband should have an open, nonjudgmental discussion with her. Start by saying this diagnosis is painful for all of you and means a readjustment of your expectations of your family life, but that you can all agree you love your youngest and everyone wants the best for her. Allow your mother-in-law to air her concerns, and then come up with constructive ways to address them. Educating herself and getting to know other grandparents dealing with this would be particularly helpful. Direct her to the Web site of the Autism Society of America, where she can get information about autism, find a support group in her area, and get a list of books that will help her understand her granddaughter better. You might want to give her The Way I See It, by the remarkable Temple Grandin, a distinguished scientist with autism. But also don't insist that your mother-in-law always take both girls. In any family, it's wonderful for each child to get time alone with their parents and grandparents. Your youngest daughter, by necessity, is going to require a lot of attention and extra help from you and your husband. You will all benefit if your older daughter can enjoy some special time with her grandmother.