Bob in Trouble (Don't ever assume what you think is happening, doesn't desire the repercussions)

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4-letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Bill Maher: Rove Reversal - Politics on The Huffington Post

Why didn't I think of this?

Bill Maher: Rove Reversal - Politics on The Huffington Post: "If the Democrats want to win in 2008 they must pull a 'Reverse Rove.' If the Democrats want to beat the Republicans, and I mean really beat them, not just by a few hundred votes in Florida, Ohio, or Pennsylvania, they've got to start thinking like the Turd Blossom. In the 2004 presidential race Karl Rove mobilized Republican voters by getting initiatives banning gay marriage on the ballots in 11 states. If the Democrats really want to mobilize their base they must push for swing state ballot initiatives that call for reinstating the draft. Even if it's a local draft, calling up young men and women to serve in their state's depleted National Guard units. That would really get the Democratic base to turn out en mass: young people, reasonable mothers and fathers, the anti-war crowd -- America's true silent majority."

Interesting statistics

Number of the Day

41: Percentage of Americans who, when asked to name a Republican running for president, couldn't.

Eighty-one percent of Americans polled by the Pew Research Center could name at least one Democrat running for president. And if you need one more sign that the Republicans are just a little obsessed with Hillary Clinton, here you go: When asked to name a Democratic candidate, 78 percent of Republicans named Clinton, but only 57 percent of Republicans could name their own front-runner, Rudy Giuliani.

Overall, 62 percent of Americans could volunteer the name of Barack Obama. Twenty-eight percent remembered that John Edwards is running, but no other Democrat cracked the double-digit barrier.

Asked to name any GOP candidates in the race, 45 percent of Americans named Giuliani; 30 percent said Mitt Romney; 27 percent I.D.'d Fred Thompson; and 24 percent mentioned John McCain. Only eight percent of Americans volunteered the name of Mike Huckabee. Seven percent did the same for Ron Paul.

A little Texas humor from my friend Susan

Three aspiring student psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student From TCU, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," replied the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" the professor asked of the young lady from Rice University

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?"

The Aggie replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

Check Out These Clever Ads . . .

If I read about it on the internet, it must be true

Dear All

Thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you,

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice,

I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

If you can't trust Nixon....

Dumb but friendly: Good for a dog, not so much for a president

Just in time for Fred Thompson's GOP debate debut, ABC News has unearthed some vintage Richard Nixon commentary that fits in just a little too comfortably with the fast-emerging conventional wisdom on the man.

Thompson served as minority counsel to the Senate Watergate Committee, and it's in that context that Nixon says -- on tape, of course -- that he thought the young lawyer wasn't smart enough to go up against his Democratic counterpart, Sam Dash. "Dash is too smart for that kid," Nixon tells John Dean on one tape. On another, Nixon tells Alexander Haig that Thompson is "dumb as hell."

In June 1973, White House counsel Fred Buzhardt tells Nixon that the White House has developed "a pretty good rapport" with Thompson, who "came through fine for us this morning."

Nixon: "He isn't very smart, is he?"

Buzhardt: "Not extremely so, but --"

Nixon: "But he's friendly."

Buzhardt: "But he's, he's friendly."

Nixon: "Good."

Gettysburg Address

From Barbara:

This is a Power Point showing how bad the "Gettysburg Address" could have been had it been the type of presentations we are used to now.

Black Male President or White Female President?

Chris Rock on whether America is more ready for a white female president or a black male president—and the last line’s the best, so watch the whole thing:

Speaking of Sloth...

Doing this at the office :)

Greed:	Very Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Mini History Lesson

I had to laugh

Saw this in the paper this morning. With housing costs what they are, I can see why a lot of college grads are back with their folks for awhile.

From a purely selfish point of view, I have totally enjoyed the times when my kids have had occasion to move back in with us.

Dear sir, my name is Natacha and I would like to marry you

A slow day at work....

An Australian sheep farmer traveled to Mali to pick up his bride and her dowry -- but ended up kidnapped instead.

Catherine Price

Aug. 14, 2007 | Here's an odd one for anyone feeling sombered by the AIDS crisis in South Africa and/or Roman Catholic disapproval of Amnesty's support of abortion rights for rape victims. The BBC reports that an Australian sheep farmer was taken hostage in Mali for 12 days when he showed up at an airport to meet his supposed bride -- a woman he'd met over the Internet -- and pick up her $86,000 dowry.

I don't know what their e-mail exchange was like (perhaps the woman had read "The Game"?), but somehow the man, 56, believed that a 20-something Liberian refugee named Natacha would be waiting for him at the airport, presumably lugging a huge suitcase of gold. Except, whoops, the men who greeted his plane and said that they were Natacha's relatives turned out to be kidnapping thugs instead. Talk about a bad online date.

Luckily, things turned out all right -- because while the Australian guy was dumb, his captors were dumber. The Australian authorities somehow convinced the man's kidnappers that he needed to pick up the money at the Canadian Embassy because, you know, one wouldn't want to use regular mail to ship $86,000 in cash. When they dropped him off to get the money, he was rescued. And when relatives were asked how he could have fallen for such a scheme, they suggested that he had been "blinded by Internet love."

Thank goodness no one actually got hurt. Still, I'm impressed that the incident happened, considering that it required two large leaps of faith: first, that a 20-something woman with an $86,000 dowry would be using the Internet to court Australian sheep farmers. And second, that a man who would come to Mali to pick up an $86,000 dowry would have $86,000 of his own to pay in ransom. It's the sort of story that makes you wish there were Darwin Awards for Internet dating -- and kidnapping schemes.

-- Catherine Price

Our one and only president

- Don't Let Them Eat Cake - washingtonpost.com

I love reading Miss Manners, she has great common sense and wit.

"Dear Miss Manners:

I appear to have committed a faux pas. My fiance and I are getting married in a concert hall at 6 p.m. He's excited to don a tux, and the bridesmaids are wearing dresses of their choice (so some of them are floor-length and some are shorter). I guess this means we're having a formal wedding, but we picked out colorful, modern-looking invitations.

Now, people are admonishing us for choosing informal invitations for a formal event. Is there any way to respond to their criticism? Is there any way to redress our error?

Since the invitations have already gone out, it is unfortunately too late for you redo the chief part you did wrong -- the guest list."

No wonder they called him Turd Blossom | Salon.com

No wonder they called him Turd Blossom | Salon.com: "At this point, the Current Administration is like a very, very bad canoe trip with a week left to go, and Mr. Rove is the Head Counselor who has found a path to the highway. He left the White House with a wave and a grin and not in handcuffs as some had hoped, followed by the usual backwash of commentary on how important he was, or how not important in comparison to how important some people thought he was, and what I find eerie about the man is his inexhaustible self-confidence and optimism. He was the Master Woodsman. According to some accounts, his positive outlook was responsible for the Current Occupant's sunny disposition in the face of bad news. No wonder Mr. Rove's nickname was Turd Blossom. He could put fecal matter on his lapel and call it a boutonniere."

Almost to Boise

James just called Barbara to tell her that they drove all night and will be in Boise shortly. I worry when people tell me they are driving all night, but on the other hand I know what it is like to travel with small children and how nice it is to have them asleep in their car seats instead of running wild and screaming in a motel room. Not that my children ever did that.

Years ago when James and Rachel were small we were driving back from a visit to my dad and 'grandma Mary' to Euless, and we couldn't find any motel rooms in Barstow, so we decided to keep driving. We finally found a room in Needles, CA sometime after two in the morning. We carried the two sleeping children into the motel and crashed. Since James and Rachel had rested all night in the car, they were up and ready to go at 7 the next morning.

Changes

James and Emily left with the boys this morning to visit Emily's family in Nampa, Idaho. I miss them already, though I am sure Emily's family will be very happy to share my grandchildren.

Last night Will rolled over for the first time, it has been amazing to have small kids in the house again.

From Misc summer p...

We were also very happy and more than a little amazed to see how well John handled having his nephews around the house. He pretty much left them alone unless they were doing something together like playing a video game or watching the Disney channel together.

The first dance

Sarah Jane was such a beautiful bride!

My Kids!

I am so proud of them, I certainly have wonderful kids!