From my dad

Montana Cowboy

Montana Cowboy A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy,

"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give my back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog

Murdocks Blog Across America: John's school picture

Murdocks Blog Across America: John's school picture

Ten reasons we already miss Ann Richards

Was sad to hear this morning that Gov Richards had passed away.

Ann Richards, the famously silver-tongued and silver-haired former governor of Texas, died Wednesday from complications of esophageal cancer. She was 73. Here's just some of what we'll remember and miss about her:

1. Richards used her wit not only to disarm her political opponents but to encourage other women to get into politics: "Let me tell you, sisters, seeing dried egg on a plate in the morning is a lot dirtier than anything I've had to deal with in politics," she said.

2. As a homemaker raising four kids, Richards became politically involved by volunteering on campaigns, including helping elect Sarah Weddington, the 25-year-old lawyer who had successfully argued Roe v. Wade before the Supreme Court, to the Texas House. Richards called Weddington the first "out-and-out feminist activist" she'd ever met, according to the Washington Post.

3. Two years after undergoing rehab for alcoholism in 1982, Richards was elected state treasurer, making her the first woman elected to a statewide post in Texas in 50 years. Of her return from addiction, she said: "I believe in recovery, and I believe that as a role model I have the responsibility to let young people know that you can make a mistake and come back from it."

4. When Richards gave the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention in 1988 -- where she zinged the elder George Bush -- "Poor George. He can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth" -- she also reminded the audience that she was only the second woman to give the keynote address at the convention in 160 years. The first was Barbara Jordan.

5. Richards may have lost her reelection bid to George W. Bush in 1994, but she beat another rich Texas oilman in her first governor's race: Clayton "Claytie" Williams, who during the campaign compared rape to the weather: "As long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it." That race was dubbed a match between "Claytie and the Lady," in which "the Lady" prevailed by a narrow margin. Sixty-one percent of women voters supported her, and she became the second woman ever to be governor of Texas.

6. As a feminist, Richards championed ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment in Texas. She led workshops for women campaign managers and political candidates before being elected to office herself. When she became the first woman in half a century to serve as governor, she celebrated by holding up a T-shirt that showed the State Capitol and read: "A woman's place is in the dome."

7. As governor, Richards made it a priority to appoint more women, African-Americans and Hispanics to state boards than any previous Texas governor. Before she left office in 1995, she said: "I did not want my tombstone to read, 'She kept a really clean house.' I think I'd like them to remember me by saying, 'She opened government to everyone.'" According to KWTX-TV she appointed "the first black University of Texas regent; the first crime victim to join the state Criminal Justice Board; the first disabled person to serve on the human services board; and the first teacher to lead the State Board of Education."

8. For her 60th birthday, Richards got a license to ride a motorcycle.

9. Late in life, Richards continued her advocacy for reproductive freedom. Appearing at a pro-choice rally in Austin in 2003, she denounced the influence of "a small group of religious right-wingers" on the Bush administration's policies and on Texas' abstinence-only sex education programs. One of her daughters, Cecile Richards, is now president of Planned Parenthood.

10. In her later years, Richards established the Ann Richards School for Young Women Leaders, which will open in 2007. Her family requests that memorial gifts be made to the school, through the Austin Community Foundation.

There'll never be another Ann Richards, but here's hoping her school graduates generations of her successors.

-- Katharine Mieszkowski

Quote of the day

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

Salon: Allen: My heart is pure (and sorry about that Confederate flag thing)

Gee, how could anyone take offense about the Confederate flag? This guy wants to be president, and hey, if GWB can do it, why not Allen?

Fresh off his "Ethnic Rally," Virginia Sen. George Allen told an audience of educators from historically black colleges Tuesday that he's sorry for his "macaca" moment and that he understands now -- he didn't before -- why his embrace of the Confederate flag might be a problem in the minds of African-Americans and others.

Allen used to keep Confederate flags in his home and in his office. He sported one on his lapel in college, and he included one in his first TV campaign ad. But as the Virginian-Pilot reports, Allen says now that he should have realized long ago that his embrace of the flag sent a message -- even if he didn't mean it to. "The point is, symbols matter, they should matter, and this is something that I wish I learned a lot earlier," Allen said. "Even if your heart is pure, the things you say and do and the symbols you use do matter because of the way others may take them."

Among the things that Allen has said and done? Aside from hanging a noose in this office and buddying up with the modern-day equivalent of the Ku Klux Klan, he opposed both the 1991 Civil Rights Act and the idea of a holiday commemorating the life of Martin Luther King Jr. It seems that Allen didn't mention any of that in his speech Tuesday. What he did say: Calling S.R. Sidarth "macaca" came in a "careless moment" when "I fell short of my own standards, of my own positive way of living and what I strive and aspire to be."

Coming soon for the senator: "George Allen's 11th Annual Hoe Down," where $5,000 will make you a "Ranch Boss" and get you and your guests into a private reception with Allen and talk-show host Laura Ingraham, who plugs the event in an interview with Allen over what sounds like the first few notes of "Dueling Banjos."

Guns on a plane | Salon.com

Another gem from Garrison Keillor.

Guns on a plane | Salon.com: "The way to stop terrorists on planes is to encourage passengers to bring loaded firearms aboard: guys in orange vests sitting in exit rows with deer rifles on their laps, ladies with Mr. Colt in their purses, kids with peashooters. Somebody wake up the NRA. Does the Second Amendment say 'The right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed except on commercial airliners'? Where is the right wing when you really need them?"

How bad is he? | Salon News

How bad is he? | Salon News: "Bush ran as a moderate, tacked right and governed ineffectually -- before 9/11. Since then he's become the most radical American president in history -- and arguably the worst."

Widow's Pique

Sometimes I wonder if she makes this stuff up. With friends like this, who need enemies?

Widow's Pique: "Dear Miss Manners:

A woman I thought was my friend lost her husband about two months ago. They had tickets to an event I was dying to see, but we just didn't have the connections she did, I guess.

Then after Tony died I figured she wouldn't be going. I called her and told her I knew it wouldn't be the same going by herself so, rather than waste the tickets, my George has a tuxedo. She seemed to appreciate my offer and said, 'And you are volunteering George?'

I went to a lot of trouble to get ready. I had my hair, nails and everything done. George rented a tux. When we went by her place to pick up the tickets, there she was in an evening dress. She thought I was going to let her date my husband!

Instead of saying she was sorry for the mix-up, she said that since she was going to be putting the extra ticket at the box office in case somebody needed it, she'd better leave. Then she put us out the door.

George says the polite thing would have been to let him just escort her. HA! I know how widows are. Inasmuch as she didn't have the good grace to let us use the tickets after we went to so much trouble, don't you think she owes us for all the preparations we made? I was so disappointed that I didn't get to attend this event.

Somebody here should be saying, 'And I thought she was my friend!' Miss Manners is only surprised to hear that it is you.

Ah, but you say that you know how widows are. They are reclusive, so that you can safely assume that they want to be left out of things, and so befuddled that it should be easy to pluck what you want from them. At the same time, they are so predatory that husbands cannot be trusted in their company.

Even words do not deter you. Any sensible person would interpret what you said as a kind offer to have your husband escort your friend to the event and your answer to her question as a confirmation. But then you also stated that your husband owns evening clothewhen he does not.

Now your idea is to dun the lady for money to assuage your suffering. Miss Manners would not advise this. Not all widows are helpless."

The Ethicist - New York Times

Interesting. This is one of the columns I read every week.

The Ethicist - New York Times: "Once a week I pick up donated bakery items and deliver them to the food bank to be distributed to needy families. One morning I helped myself to a box of doughnuts. The following week I took some cookies for my grandson; then it was a pecan pie, etc. Is this wrong? There seems to be plenty of food for the needy. Marjorie S. Desimone, Lansdowne, VA.

I see where this is going: first you swipe a few doughnuts, then it’s a whole pie and before you know it you’re shooting it out with the cops at a Sara Lee factory. It’s an old, old story. Here’s one way to think about it. Suppose you were collecting cash for this same charity: would you help yourself to a few bucks if there were still “plenty” for the needy? If it’s wrong to take a wad of $10 bills, why is it right to take a wad of doughnuts? (Do they come by the wad?) I admire your work for the food bank, but you should stop skimming pastry.

Here’s another way to think about it: If you didn’t know the answer, you wouldn’t have asked the question. It is often said that if you feel uneasy about your conduct, you’re probably doing wrong. But is that so? The proddings of the conscience are unreliable. Some people have a hypersensitive conscience and feel guilty about nearly everything. (Hence all those jokes that, in different versions, Jews and Catholics tell about themselves.) Other people do appalling things and sleep through the night untroubled. There’s no consistent calibration of the conscience; feelings are not a reliable substitute for thought. That’s why therapists flourish. And columnists proffering ethical advice."

Some facts about hybrid automobiles

Saw this in the local paper today. I didn't know the second item, about the airconditioning being different.

• The gas engines shut down when the vehicle stops to conserve fuel and restart when the driver's foot leaves the brake.
• They use electric instead of gas engine-driven air conditioning compressors to save fuel and maintain cooling when the engine shuts off at traffic lights.
• The feel of the brakes is like driving into a deep puddle of water. That's because activating the brakes also engages an electric generator in which magnets provide resistance when the brake pedal is depressed or the vehicle coasts.
• The nickel-metal hydride battery packs and their cooling systems steal space from the trunks of hybrid cars. The Camry Hybrid has a 30 percent smaller trunk than the conventional Camry, and the Civic has a 33 percent smaller trunk.

War Room - Salon.com: This just in: No evidence of Saddam-al-Qaida ties

War Room - Salon.com: "This just in: No evidence of Saddam-al-Qaida ties

It's old news to those who've been paying attention, and it will probably never sink in for those who haven't: The Senate Intelligence Committee announced today that there's no evidence that Saddam Hussein had ties to al-Qaida or to Abu Musab al-Zarqawi before the United States invaded Iraq.

The revelation, such as it is, comes in a nearly 400-page report on a portion of the Intelligence Committee's investigation into prewar intelligence and the manipulation thereof. As the length of the report suggests, there is a good deal of new detail here. Among other things, the report reveals for the first time that a CIA assessment in October 2005 concluded that Saddam 'did not have a relationship, harbor, or turn a blind eye toward Zarqawi and his associates.'"

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

"Rumor once was spread by word of mouth. Now, it's done on the Internet, much faster and more damaging. It's a shame that we have come to the point that before we can believe the best or the worst of anyone we have to go to Google or Yahoo to see if there's a grain of truth in the report. Too many people don't go to the trouble to separate lies from legends before passing them on." -- A.C. Snow, columnist

Salon quote of the day

Quote of the Day

"Did you tell her I intend to kick his sorry mother fucking ass all over the Mideast?" -- George W. Bush, when told in May 2002 that Helen Thomas was questioning the need to overthrow Saddam Hussein. The quote comes from "Hubris: The Inside Story of Spin, Scandal, and the Selling of the Iraq War," whose authors note that it reveals Bush's plan for Iraq nearly a year before he invaded and even as he was saying publicly that he hoped to avoid war.

-- Tim Grieve

Dancing Grandma on YouTube

Good for her!

Our magnificent isolation | Salon.com

Smart man that Garrison Keillor.

Our magnificent isolation | Salon.com: "I don't get much hope from Democrats these days, a timid and skittish bunch, slow to learn, unable to sing the hymns and express the steady optimism that is at the heart of the heart of the country. I get no hope at all from Republicans, whose policies seem predicated on the Second Coming occurring in the very near future. If Jesus does not descend through the clouds to take them directly to paradise, and do it now, they are going to have to answer to the rest of us."

From my dad: *Raise Refusal*

For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at
a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I
was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president.

A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me
the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't
doing my job.

Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby
or talking on the phone.

This will make you smile

Are you too wired?

Loved this. I think I flunked the test?

Are you too wired? Eight sure signs you need to disconnect! by ZDNet's Donna Bogatin -- I recently noted that being always-on is not always a good thing, especially when it comes to your sex life! Take my quick test to see if it is time for you to turn-off the always-on button, just in time for a holiday weekend!

Podcast of the Week - Daily Giz Wiz

This is my number one don't miss podcast of the day. Dick DeBartolo is one of the long lived writers from MAD magazine. He is also a gadget freak, so what is there not to like?

---

Mad's maddest writer and The Giz Wiz, Dick DeBartolo, digs into his massive gadget collection for the gadget of the day. Released every weekday. This program is co-hosted by Leo Laporte.

DailyTech - RadioShack Employees Get the Boot Via Email

Cold man, this is very cold. Think I will take my business elsewhere.

DailyTech - RadioShack Employees Get the Boot Via Email: "It's bad enough getting fired from a job, but to get your pink slip in an email? That seems to be business as usual at RadioShack these days. The Boston Globe is reporting that 400 RadioShack employees were fired via email on Tuesday morning. The message was short and to the point:

The work force reduction notification is currently in progress. Unfortunately your position is one that has been eliminated."

America eats its young | Salon.com

A different Garrison Keillor than you hear on"A Prairie Home Companion."

America eats its young | Salon.com: "Cutting out healthcare for one-third of the population -- the folks with Bush-Cheney bumper stickers, who still believe the man is doing a heckuva job -- will save enough money to pay off the national debt, not a bad legacy for Republicans. As Scrooge said, let them die and reduce the surplus population. In return, we can offer them a reduction in the estate tax. All in favor, blow your nose."

Bush to widow: "No point" in talking about the war

On his way to vacation at his parents' compound in Kennebunkport, George W. Bush stopped at a local elementary school Thursday to meet with family members of U.S. troops who have lost their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan. After the meetings ended, Hildi Halley, whose husband died in Afghanistan in June, said she told the president that it's "time to stop the bleeding" and "swallow our pride and find a solution."
Bush's response? Halley said the president told her that "there was no point in us having a philosophical discussion about the pros and cons of the war."

Quote for the day

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Seuss

True Majority: Enough JonBenet!

Last week, guess which story topped the national evening news on ABC, CBS, and NBC? JonBenet Ramsey1. Who was the big guest on Nightline and the Today Show? JonBenet Ramsey’s father. What story made front-pages of America’s newspapers, including the New York Times? You got it.

It wasn’t the war in Iraq or the tenuous truce in Lebanon, or even 10 million kids here at home who lack health insurance. It was JonBenet.

Sure, it’s an interesting mystery and a terrible murder, but under what criteria of professional journalism could it possibly merit being the top story in America last week? We’re so disgusted with “journalism” in America that we’re suggesting an action today that we’ve never suggested before.

Contact the News Anchors at ABC, CBS, and NBC, and tell them we’ve had enough JonBenet.

To sign the petition Click here.

Bush on Global Warming - Kind of

Will Ferrell - Bush on Global Warming on Transbuddha

Katherine Harris in heaven? It's more likely than the U.S. Senate

Truly crazy people in the U.S. right now.

"But the real issue is why should Baptists care, why should people care? If you are not electing Christians, tried and true, under public scrutiny and pressure, if you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin. They can legislate sin. They can say that abortion is all right. They can vote to sustain gay marriage. And that will take Western civilization, indeed other nations because people look to our country as one nation as under God, and whenever we legislate sin and we say abortion is permissible and we say gay unions are permissible, then average citizens who are not Christians, because they don’t know better, we are leading them astray and it's wrong."

Harris' standing in the polls would suggest that the world is in a whole heap o' trouble: She trails Nelson by 35 points. But Harris? She's covered no matter what happens. She says there's "no question" but that she'll be spending eternity in heaven. If God ever asks her why she deserves the trip up, Harris says she'd say: "Because I loved your son and because I know he died for my sins. I know he was resurrected at your right hand and I served him. You know, we're covered with, our sins are covered with his blood and so we are blameless before him. We are as white as snow."

The Blog | Bill Maher: Why Not Impeachment? | The Huffington Post

The Blog | Bill Maher: Why Not Impeachment? | The Huffington Post: "So a judge has ruled that not only is Bush's warrantless wiretapping program illegal, it's also unconstitutional. And not just unconstitutional, but doubly unconstitutional; it violates both the 1st and 4th amendments. We're talking a smackdown of Judge Judy-esque proportions."

Videora iPod Converter - iPod Video Converter

Videora iPod Converter - iPod Video Converter

Videora iPod Converter is a free video conversion application developed by the creators of Videora. It allows you to convert your regular PC video files (avi, mpeg, etc) into the proper video format that your iPod understands.

AMERICAblog: Because a great nation deserves the truth

AMERICAblog: Because a great nation deserves the truth: "Someone give George Bush a God damn civics lesson "

Fat Factors

Intereseting article in the NY TImes on Sunday. http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/13/magazine/13obesity.html?ex=1313121600&en=f843a5b06faa63f8&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

One thing that popped out at me, and I know it from all too personal experience, is that once you lose weight you can't go back to eating like a regular person.

This is typical of people who have lost weight — not only a lot of weight, as Janet has, but even a little weight. According to Rudolph Leibel, an obesity researcher at Columbia University who was involved in the discovery of the first human gene implicated in obesity, if you take two nonobese people of the same weight, they will require different amounts of food depending on whether or not they were once obese. It goes in precisely the maddening direction you might expect: formerly fat people need to eat less than never-fat people to maintain exactly the same weight. In other words, a 150-pound woman who has always weighed 150 might be able to get away with eating, say, 2,500 calories a day, but a 150-pound woman who once weighed more — 20 pounds more, 200 pounds more, the exact amount doesn’t matter — would have to consume about 15 percent fewer calories to keep from regaining the weight. The change occurs as soon as the person starts reducing, Leibel said, and it “is not proportional to amount of weight lost, and persists over time.”

ABC News: Film Documents Families Coping With Autism

ABC News: Film Documents Families Coping With Autism: "Aug. 8, 2006 — Autism can isolate a child from loved ones and friends.

It takes a toll on not just the child who suffers from it, but also his or her family.

Although the condition is extremely prevalent — according to Autismspeaks.org, one in 166 children is diagnosed with autism and more children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes and cancer combined — many people do not understand what it is.

'Autism Every Day' is a new documentary about the everyday life of families with an autistic child, focusing on Alison Singer, whose daughter Jodie suffers from autism."

Faith Promoting Story

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him...



Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Joke

Herr Professor Doktor Weiss' reputation was made when he conclusively proved the fraudulency of the Mayan codex that claimed to show that that ancient people knew the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter to an exactitude unknown until modern times, in his article, "Bye, Bye, Mesoamerican Pi."

Kim Komando: Getting a grip on flash drives

I have recently been hearing about flash drives. I know they are portable devices, but I was wondering how they work. And how do they differ from thumb drives and hard drives?

I'll bet you're not the only one confused by this. We have thumb and hard drives. We won't even talk about floppy and optical drives. The makers should publish scorecards.

Flash drives are also known as thumb, jump and USB drives, among others. They are all the same thing. These drives use a type of memory known as flash.

Flash has no moving parts. Instead, it is made of rows and columns. Each juncture of row and column has two transistors. One of these is known as the floating gate. The amount of charge passing through it determines whether it is a 1 or 0.

Flash has a number of advantages. For one, it's tiny. So flash is easy to slip into small places.

Flash drives can hold as much as 8 gigabytes of data. But you can easily put them in your pocket. They make transferring data between widely separated computers easy.

Flash also runs cool. So you can comfortably hold a flash drive in your hand.

Although the largest flash drives are expensive, smaller ones are not. These drives are following the same trajectory as hard drives. Capacity is growing rapidly as prices plummet.

Flash memory is much newer technology than hard drives. Most hard drives have platters that spin at 5,400 or 7,200 RPM. More expensive ones spin at up to 15,000 RPM.

Hard drives are descended from drives developed by IBM in the 1950s. So they've been around a long time. They have gotten new life in devices such as the iPod. However, flash memory could supplant them in some applications, such as laptops.

Hard drives have read-write heads that move very quickly above the platters. They occasionally hit the platters, an event known as a head crash. That destroys the drive. Even a speck of dust can cause a head crash. So all this movement has its downside.

However, hard drives can hold vastly more data than flash drives. Currently, the largest consumer hard drive holds 750GB. Compare that to flash drives, which top out at 8GB. The hard drive is not that much more expensive, either.

So, to answer your question, flash drives and hard drives don't have much in common. They both hold data. Neither is volatile, so they don't lose data when shut down. Both are relatively inexpensive. And both are small, considering their capacity.

Flash is solid state, which means it won't break. But hard drives hold a lot more information. If you're editing video, for instance, that's really important.

Life in the 1500's

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence: the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying: Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof when it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying: It's raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying: dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the word: threshold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence: the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone -house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead ringer.

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring!!

Educate someone. Share these facts with a friend

The Pastors Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life . . . Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Interesting take on flag burning

What if the troops were as important as the flag?



The mathematics of pandering politics.

GIZ WIZ BIZ - all about Gizmos & Gadgets!

My new favorite podcast. I have always loved Mad Magazine and gadgets. Can't beat the combination.

GIZ WIZ BIZ - all about Gizmos & Gadgets!: "It's true, Leo Laporte, the founder of TWiT and Dick DeBartolo, The Giz Wiz, are together again!

On Monday, February 20th, we started a daily gadget podcast called THE DAILY GIZWIZ! We're on on iTunes, AOL Radio and lots of other places! We have thousands of daily subscribers already, but now we're power crazy and we want more! Monday through Thursday we talk about one new gadget each day, and on Friday's we go to the Giz Wiz Warehouse and talk about a strange or break-through gadget of the past! Join us please. I think you'll find it good fun! And each podcast is under ten minutes, so you don't have to pay that much attention! Follow this link to learn all the places were you can subscribe to the Daily GizWiz: http://twit.tv/dgw1"

SPECIAL CHILDREN WILL NEED SPECIAL DADS AND MOMS

DEAR ABBY: Years ago you printed a poem that said God sends children with special needs to special parents because he knows that they will be well cared for. (These were children with various disabilities.) I wish you would print that poem once again. I am sure it would help many parents who have a disabled child. -- FAITHFUL ILLINOIS READER

DEAR FAITHFUL READER: The poem is very moving, and I'm pleased to reprint it. It was written 50 years ago by Edna Massimilla of Hatboro, Pa., the widow of a pastor, when their daughter, a child with Down syndrome, was born. (She is now with the Lord.) When I spoke with Edna -- who is 90 -- she explained that she wrote the poem to emphasize that every creation is for a purpose, and she's still writing poems and songs especially for children with disabilities. Read on:

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth

It was time again for another birth.

Said the Angels to the Lord above --

"This special child will need much love.

"Her progress may be very slow

"Accomplishment she may not show.

"And she'll require extra care

"From the folks she meets down there.

"She may not run or laugh or play

"Her thoughts may seem quite far away

"So many times she will be labeled

"'different,' 'helpless' and disabled.

"So, let's be careful where she's sent.

"We want her life to be content.

"Please, Lord, find the parents who

"Will do a special job for you.

"The leading role they are asked to play.

"But with this child sent from above

"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

"And soon they'll know the privilege given

"In caring for their gift from heaven.

"Their precious charge, so meek and mild

"Is heaven's very special child."

Memorial Day Joke (Kim Komando)

ARE YOU COOKING THIS MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND?

David, a chef, liked to relax at the zoo. In particular, he found the
sloth fascinating. He would watch it hang for hours. When a co-worker
complained of stress, David suggested he watch the sloth. Other chefs
joined in. Eventually, David arranged for all the chefs to go together.
But as they watched, the sloth fell and rolled into a moat. To the
chefs' horror, the water boiled furiously, roasting the sloth! David
quickly realized what had happened. "We should have known better!" he
shouted. "Too many cooks boil the sloth!"

Australia!: My Weekend Alone (in pictures)

Australia!: My Weekend Alone (in pictures)

Can't wait to visit Australia in June. I have always wanted to go there and it will be doubly fun to be there with Rachel and her brother Russell!

Australia!: I'm Scared of Animals

Australia!: I'm Scared of Animals

Rachel goes to the zoo and meets a kangaroo!

Me

Only adding this so I can reference the picture in my Blogger profile....

Could be Worse?

Bush Joke

President Bush recently went to a primary school in Macon, Georgia, to talk
about the world. After his talk, he asked if the children had any questions.
One little boy put up his hand, and the president asked him his name.

"Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have three questions:
1 ... Whatever happened to the weapons of mass destruction?
2 ... Why did you give a tax break to the super wealthy?
3 ... Did you steal votes to win both elections?"

Just then the bell rang for recess. President Bush informed the kiddies that
they would continue after recess. When they resumed, the President said "OK,
where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy put his hand up. Bush pointed him out and asked him
his name.

"Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"

"I have five questions:
1 ...Whatever happened to the weapons of mass destruction?
2 ...Why did you give a tax break to the super wealthy?
3 ...Did you steal votes to win both elections?
4 ...Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
5 ...What happened to Kenneth?"

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

From my dad.

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that,
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.

---

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's
winners:

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

2. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

3. Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

4. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

5. Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

6. Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.

7. Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

8. Karmageddon (n) It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

9. Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

10. Glibido (v) All talk and no action.

11. Dopeler effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

12. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

13. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

14. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:


Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a__hole.

"Kingdom Coming: The Rise of Christian Nationalism"

Now if this doesn't scare you....

Salon.com Books | "Kingdom Coming: The Rise of Christian Nationalism": "Still, it's worth noting that thousands of Americans nationwide have flocked to rallies at which military men don uniforms and pledge to seize the reins of power in America on behalf of Christianity. In many places, local religious leaders and politicians lend their support to AVIDD's cause. And at least some of the people at these rallies speak with seething resentment about the tyranny of Jews over America's Christian majority.

'People who call themselves Jews represent maybe 2 or 3 percent of our people,' Cabaniss told me after a January 2005 rally in Austin. 'Christians represent a huge percent, and we don't believe that a small percentage should destroy the values of the larger percentage.'"

Australia!

Australia!

Rachel goes to Australia.

Church News

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."



He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"



Church was pretty much over at that point...

Voting Republican

 

Subject: Voting Republican

 

What You Need To Believe To Be A RepublicanWhat You Need To Believe To Be A Republican*
 

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton
 
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
 

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
 
 The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
 
  A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions                                    affecting all mankind without regulation.
 
  The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and
 combat pay.
 
  If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
 
  A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
 
  Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
 
  Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
 
  A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
 
  Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
 

  The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
 
  Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and
 you need our prayers for your recovery.

  Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)
 
  What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
 
  Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
 
  Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
 
  Friends don't let friends vote Republican.Powered By Qumana

Which Superhero are you?

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 80% Spider-Man 75% Hulk 65% Robin 60% Iron Man 60% Batman 60% The Flash 60% Green Lantern 60% Supergirl 55% Wonder Woman 40% Catwoman 35%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

QUOTE

"Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible
and swore to uphold the Constitution. You didn't place your hand on the
Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible." -- Constitutional law professor
Jamie Raskin, to a Maryland Senate committee on marriage equality

Movie theaters may ask to jam cell phones - Yahoo! News

Movie theaters may ask to jam cell phones - Yahoo! News: "AS VEGAS (Reuters) - Movie theater owners faced with falling attendance are considering asking federal authorities for permission to jam cell phone reception in an attempt to stop annoying conversations during films, the head of the industry's trade group said on Tuesday.
ADVERTISEMENT

Industry leaders at the ShoWest conference for theater owners want to find ways to win back crowds."

Russell and Jack

Jack was very happy to have anyone hold him. Seemed to find Uncle Russell especially comfortable. 

Rachel on Christmas

Looking especially beautiful. Was wonderful having all my kids at home. 

Liked his snack

 

Harry in a Box

I guess it is true. Harry loved playing in the box with styrofoam peanuts as much as he liked any of his toys on Christmas morning. Unfortunately, he also like to eat them so the playtime was short lived.

 

Me and Baby Jack

Finally got around to moving pictures from my camera to my PC. 

TheDenverChannel.com - Local News - Strange-Looking Car Leads To Explosives Charges

TheDenverChannel.com - Local News - Strange-Looking Car Leads To Explosives Charges: "A man from Sheridan is facing explosives charges after he accidentally blew up his own car with a gas-filled balloon he was taking to a Super Bowl party."

Homeland Security Tool?

 

Why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......



The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Doctor: Autistic boy died from drug mixup

Doctor: Autistic boy died from drug mixup: "THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

PITTSBURGH -- A 5-year-old autistic boy died from a drug mixup, not the lead-poisoning treatment that was attempted to ease his disorder, a federal health official who reviewed the boy's autopsy results said.

Instead of a synthetic amino acid that treats lead poisoning, Abubakar Tariq Nadama was given a medication that removes calcium, said Dr. Mary Jean Brown, chief of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's lead poisoning prevention branch.

'It's a case of look-alike/sound-alike medications,' Brown said Tuesday. The drug 'acted as a claw' that pulled too much calcium from his blood, causing an emergency event.

She said the child was given Disodium EDTA instead of Calcium Disodium EDTA. 'They sound alike. They're clear and colorless and odorless. They were mixed up,' Brown said.

The treatment Abubakar was receiving, called chelation therapy, is FDA-approved for lead poisoning. The therapy has not been proven to help autistic patients, though some parents and doctors advocate it because they believe autism is caused by heavy metals.

Abubakar of Monroeville died Aug. 23 in his doctor's office after his third chelation treatment, the coroner has said. Brown reviewed the autopsy report for the CDC.

Dr. Roy Eugene Kerry, who treated Abubakar, did not immediately return a message left at his office Wednesday morning by The Associated Press.

Butler County Coroner William Young has said he plans to meet soon with District Attorney Randa Clark and the state police to determine if an inquest is warranted. For now, Young is classifying the death as an accident."

The, Um, 'Class' of '06

The, Um, 'Class' of '06: "Dear Miss Manners:

My daughter will graduate in May. I have had discussions with her about the benefits of homeownership and thought it would be great to start a 'my future home' account for her, and have her monetary graduation gifts directed there. She likes that idea.


I spoke with my financial adviser and found that we could very easily set up a trust for that purpose. The problem is getting the word out. I believe that it is perfectly acceptable to include the trust information in the graduation announcement. She thinks it's tacky and in poor taste and believes that I should call everyone and share the information personally.

If you agree with me, please let me know how I can tastefully word the insert; if not, what would you suggest as an alternative?

As an alternative, Miss Manners would suggest teaching your daughter that financial responsibility means paying your own bills, not begging from others, and that common sense says that no one, no matter how fond of your daughter, wants to buy her a house.

It is not only the magnitude of your nerve that makes it rude. Soliciting donations and presents has become so commonplace that people now believe trolling for money and goods is tasteless only when it seems especially greedy. You would get the prize for that, but those who make smaller demands are no less rude. Just less imaginative."

Salon.com | The big lie

I love Garrison Keillor. I wonder who he is talking about?

Salon.com | The big lie: "But who tells the truth to the man who is driving straight into the setting sun and thinks he's heading due east? His wife murmurs that, uh, maybe we should look at a map, and he accuses her of being a defeatist who tries to tear him down any way she can in order to conceal her own lack of ideas. The man is heading the wrong way and speeding and the idiot light is flashing -- low oil pressure -- and the idiot is trying to be manly and authoritative but everyone can see he's faking it, hoping for God to rearrange the landscape for his convenience. Someone ought to speak up, and yet he is fascinating. As the administration is these days, so resonant and believable. The Arctic icecap melts and the Chinese finance our tax cuts and someday we will have spent six years and trillions of dollars to bring democracy to Iraq, whatever that may mean, and the SUV of state turns toward the setting sun, driven by cocker spaniels. And there is so much intensity there, and they are so much in the moment."

LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION!

Thought for the day

---

LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION!

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In vet medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

BobGeiger.com: Why Does George W. Bush Hate America?

BobGeiger.com: Why Does George W. Bush Hate America?: " If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator' ~ George W. Bush, December 18, 2000


Here's something that President Bush has been saying a lot this week: '... we should not fear debate. It's one of the great strengths of our democracy that we can discuss our differences openly and honestly -- even in times of war.'


And no matter how many times he or his surrogates mouth the words, they ring just as false as the last.


I'm really beginning to wonder why Bush doesn't just cut to the chase and start rounding up all of us who disagree with the Iraq war -- and his entire method of governing -- and ship us off to some massive forced-labor camp in the middle of the Nevada desert. He can use subtle code phrases all he likes, but the words coming out of this president's mouth might as well have been spoken by any two-bit dictator in the world.


Debate is good – just so you agree with him. And dissent on the Iraq war is fine – just so long as you don't mind aiding and abetting the terrorists. Bush has given two big speeches in the last 48 hours and in both of them he tried very hard to frame the 'debate' in exactly that way, while still coming off as reasonable to his sycophantic audiences."

AlterNet: Six Degrees of Osama bin Laden

AlterNet: Six Degrees of Osama bin Laden: "Do you remember a parlor game that was popular a few years ago called 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon'? The game was to name any actor and then see who could connect him to the actor Kevin Bacon in the least number of moves. For example, Elvis Presley: Presley once appeared in a film with Ed Asner, Ed Asner later appeared in a film with Kevin Bacon, therefore Presley has a Bacon score of two.

How long do you think it would take to connect you to Osama bin Laden?"

AlterNet: The War on Xma$

AlterNet: The War on Xma$: "Will Durst's 2005 Xma$ Gift Wi$h Li$t

# For former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich, who says he's thinking of running for the presidency in 2008: Second thoughts.
# For hotel heiress Paris Hilton: A yearlong sabbatical in Kazakhstan. Actually, that gift is for the rest of us.
# For Bill O'Reilly: A four-day, all-expenses-paid trip to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco.
# For Gavin Newsom: A copy of the unrated version of 'Requiem for a Dream,' so he can see what sexist and offensive really looks like.
# For Hillary Clinton: A new best seller entitled 'It Takes an Impeachment.'
# For the Democratic Senate: The gumption to continue the fight for the rights of minorities. Even if the main minority they're fighting for these days is themselves.
# For San Francisco Police Chief Heather Fong: A sense of humor.
# For Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: One blessedly quiet year in a Donald-Rumsfeld-free zone.
# For the Democratic House of Representatives: A spine.
# For George W. Bush: An approval rating higher than his average test scores in college.
# For televangelist Pat Robertson: A 'Clue Train' Fast Pass so he can ride for free for 30 days.
# For Supreme Court Justice nominee Samuel Alito: A Harriet Miers Swimsuit Calendar.
# For Cindy Sheehan: Whatever it takes to prompt more"

Letterman is God!

Salon.com Arts & Entertainment | The Fix: "Letterman's mind control: A woman in New Mexico has filed a restraining order against David Letterman, claiming that he's been tormenting her with secret, coded messages through the television. The woman, Colleen Nestler, claims that Letterman communicated to her that he wants to marry her and make her his co-host on 'The Late Show.' The 'mental cruelty' and 'sleep deprivation' that Letterman allegedly inflicted on Nestler apparently came in the form of gestures and eye expressions, songs sung by guest bands on the show, and the letter C on baseball caps. The proposal came in 1993 when Letterman joked on-screen, 'Marry me, Oprah.' Nestler claims that Oprah is one of her code names. In the temporary restraining order, which was granted by Santa Fe District Judge Daniel Sanchez, Nestler stipulates that Letterman stay three yards away from her and that he not 'think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering.' (E! Online)"

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOT

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT


ABBOTT

Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?



COSTELLO

Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.



ABBOTT

Mac?



COSTELLO

No, the name's Lou.



ABBOTT

Your computer?



COSTELLO

I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.



ABBOTT

Mac?



COSTELLO

I told you, my name's Lou.



ABBOTT

What about Windows?



COSTELLO

Why? Will it get stuffy in here?



ABBOTT

Do you want a computer with Windows?



COSTELLO

I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?



ABBOTT

Wallpaper.



COSTELLO

Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.



ABBOTT

Software for Windows?



COSTELLO

No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?



ABBOTT

Office.



COSTELLO

Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?



ABBOTT

I just did.



COSTELLO

You just did what?



ABBOTT

Recommend something.



COSTELLO

You recommended something?



ABBOTT

Yes.



COSTELLO

For my office?



ABBOTT

Yes.



COSTELLO

OK, what did you recommend for my office?



ABBOTT

Office.



COSTELLO

Yes, for my office!



ABBOTT

I recommend Office with Windows.



COSTELLO

I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?



ABBOTT

Word.



COSTELLO

What word?



ABBOTT

Word in Office.



COSTELLO

The only word in office is office.



ABBOTT

The Word in Office for Windows.



COSTELLO

Which word in office for windows?



ABBOTT

The Word you get when you click the blue "W".



COSTELLO

I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?



ABBOTT

Money.



COSTELLO

That's right. What do you have?



ABBOTT

Money.



COSTELLO

I need money to track my money?



ABBOTT

It comes bundled with your computer.



COSTELLO

What's bundled with my computer?



ABBOTT

Money.



COSTELLO

Money comes with my computer?



ABBOTT

Yes. No extra charge.



COSTELLO

I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?



ABBOTT

One copy.



COSTELLO

Isn't it illegal to copy money?



ABBOTT

Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.



COSTELLO

They can give you a license to copy money?



ABBOTT

Why not? THEY OWN IT!



(A few days later)


ABBOTT

Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?



COSTELLO

How do I turn my computer off?



ABBOTT

Click on "START".............

12 Days of Christmas

Christmas legend?

---

There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me.



What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?



Today, I found out. From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly.



Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.



It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church.



Each element in the carol has a code word for a > religious reality, which the children could remember.



The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ. Two turtledoves were the Old and New Testaments Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.



The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.



The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.



The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.



Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.



The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.



Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. The ten lords a-leaping were the Ten Commandments.



The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.



The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in The Apostles' Creed.



So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol...so pass it on if you wish.

Salon.com Arts & Entertainment | The Fix

Salon.com Arts & Entertainment | The Fix: "Money Quotes:
Mike Wallace on what questions he'd ask George W. Bush -- who has declined to be interviewed by Wallace -- if he were given the chance: 'What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? … You apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military … Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [bleeped] up?'"

Salon.com Books | "The Truth (With Jokes)"

Al Franken pukes into his wastebasket in Chapter 4 of his new book, then spends Chapter 5 in "Rove-induced septic shock."
Salon.com Books | "The Truth (With Jokes)": "He then analyzes this victory, citing figures from the Economist showing that the percentage of the electorate who voted on the basis of 'moral or ethical issues' was actually lower in 2004 than in the two previous elections. 'Okay? All right? So it wasn't moral values, asshole. (Although coarse language may have played a role.) It was terror. Terror. TERROR!!!' writes Franken. He cites some 'not so widely reported' remarks made by Dick Cheney while campaigning: 'We have very credible evidence that tells us that if [John] Kerry wins, the following states will be hit: Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania ...' This, like many others in the book, is one of those jokes you don't laugh at so much as nod at, thinking, 'Oh man, that's so true.' Indeed, here and elsewhere, Franken's not just being funny. He includes some pretty interesting stuff about a subfield of social psychology called 'terror management theory.' One TMT study showed that -- paraphrasing here, but not making it up -- test subjects, including liberals, were more likely to prefer Bush over Kerry if they'd been prompted first to think about death."

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.


2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.


3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.


4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you?"


5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.


7. Things you buy now won't wear out.


8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.


9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.


10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.


11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.


12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.


13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.


14. You sing along with elevator music.


15. Your eyes won't get much worse.


16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.


17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.


18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.


19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


20. You can't remember who sent you this list. And, you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Quotes of the Day - The Quotations Page

Quotes of the Day - The Quotations Page: "Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.

- Alfred E. Newman"

Salon.com | The land of Republican perfection

Salon.com | The land of Republican perfection: "At this point in time, I don't see Karl Rove or Tom DeLay writing a good mea culpa, and I doubt that Colin Powell or Donald Rumsfeld will either. And of course presidents never do, and here is one more proof that we are not now nor have we ever been a Christian nation. Confession is at the heart of the faith. (All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.) But under this administration, the faith has been revised, all the stuff about the poor has been tabled and the confession of sin omitted, and prayer is now a promotional device in which you thank God for making you the terrific person you are. In the Christian view of the world, these folks rank lower than outright atheists, which is a terrifying aspect of the faith -- better never to have believed than to use sacred things for your grimy self-aggrandizement -- and which might scare a Republican into writing a decent book. One can hope for this."

Qoute of the day

Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness.
- Cullen Hightower

Chicago Tribune - Obituaries

Now here is a man after my own heart.
Chicago Tribune - Obituaries: "In lieu of flowers, please send acerbic letters to Republicans."

Great cartoon. http://www.thenation.com/doc/20051010/comix 

Great pic 

AlterNet: From The Wire

AlterNet: From The Wire: "From the Wire

Provided by HuffingtonPost.com

Electricity Turned On In New Orleans Neighborhood For Bush, Turned Off When He Left...
Posted on September 16, 2005 at 1:22 PM.

I am duty-bound to report the talk of the New Orleans warehouse district last night: there was rejoicing (well, there would have been without the curfew, but the few people I saw on the streets were excited) when the power came back on for blocks on end. Kevin Tibbles was positively jubilant on the live update edition of Nightly News that we fed to the West Coast. The mini-mart, long ago cleaned out by looters, was nonetheless bathed in light, including the empty, roped-off gas pumps. The motorcade route through the district was partially lit no more than 30 minutes before POTUS drove through. And yet last night, no more than an hour after the President departed, the lights went out. The entire area was plunged into total darkness again, to audible groans. It's enough to make some of the folks here who witnessed it... jump to certain conclusions."

Me

I need to post this so I can get the URL.

God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

NEW ORLEANS—Throughout the Gulf Coast, Caucasian suburbanites attempting to gather food and drink in the shattered wreckage of shopping districts have reported seeing African?Americans 'looting snacks and beer from damaged businesses.' 'I was in the abandoned Wal-Mart gathering an air mattress so I could float out the potato chips, beef jerky, and Budweiser I'd managed to find,' said white survivor Lars Wrightson, who had carefully selected foodstuffs whose salt and alcohol content provide protection against contamination. 'Then I look up, and I see a whole family of [African-Americans] going straight for the booze. Hell, you could see they had already looted a fortune in diapers.' Radio stations still in operation are advising store owners and white people in the affected areas to locate firearms in sporting-goods stores in order to protect themselves against marauding blacks looting gun shops."

New Scripture -- The 23rd Qualm

3rd QUALM .... Freudian Slipture

Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.

He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.

He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness. He restoreth my fears.

He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war, I will find no exit, for Bush still art in office.

His tax cuts for the rich and his media control, they discomfort me.

He preparest an agenda of deception in the pretense of true religion.

He anointest my head with blood-won oil. My health insurance runneth out.

Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of his term,

And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.

Author unknown

SF Gate: Multimedia (image)

SF Gate: Multimedia (image): "Two faces to Piraro's art / Revised cartoon deletes reference to same-sex marriage
The two different Bizarro cartoons. Images courtesy of King Features Syndicate "

My son James and his son Harry share a bottle. 

Grandpa and Jack. 

Jack in his blessing (confirmation) outfit. 

My son Russell and my good friend Larry. 

Me and the grandkids. Harry wanted me to give him his baby brother. 

Me and Harry out for a walk. 

Couldn't have said it better myself. 

Bush light bulb joke

...How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?

None.

Nothing is wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are
improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a
delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served
honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect.

Why do you hate freedom?

--Annonymous