Quote for the day

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Peter De Vries

Christmas at work

Another Christmas tradition in progress. John gets a little panicky on a holiday when most things are closed, so we come into my office for an hour or so at a time. John has his pc, I have mine. I won't really do much in the way of work today, just chill out with John. Free Cokes, popcorn for John, what more can a guy want?

This year we will probably not be going to IHOP like we do most other years since my friend aka John's uncle Andy is out of town.

Only in Texas: Women: Demon afflicted co-worker

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Two women fired from the University of Texas at Arlington anointed a co-worker's cubicle with olive oil because they felt the worker was "demonically oppressed," according to university personnel records.

Evelyne Micky Shatkin and Linda Shifflett have filed a lawsuit alleging that they were wrongfully fired last spring based on their religion, age and gender after praying in the office for another staff worker.

The women say they and a male co-worker, who was not fired, stayed after work March 3 for the praying and religious cleansing.

According to the personnel records, the male co-worker became uncomfortable when Shatkin began chanting and rubbing scented oil on an absent co-worker's cubicle wall. In an e-mail to supervisors, the man quotes Shatkin as praying: "You vicious evil dogs. Get the hell out of here, in the name of Jesus. I command you to leave."

Shatkin and the co-worker for whom she was praying had a history of problems that led to mediation last year, according to the personnel files.

Most outrageous comments of 2006

Most outrageous comments of 2006: highlights and lowlights of the rightwing smear machine --

I remember coupons

The ones we got were better than these though! Babysitting coupons were very much appreciated.

Santa as I remember him as a kid

The Santa we all know and love was created for Coca-Cola in 1931 by Haddon Sundblom. FollowinThe Santa we all know and love was created for Coca-Cola in 1931 by Haddon Sundblom. Following are just a few examples of the Santa Claus ads used throughout the 35 years of Haddon Sundblom's Santa paintings.g are just a few examples of the Santa Claus ads used throughout the 35 years of Haddon Sundblom's Santa paintings.

Click on the link to see more examples.

NEOLOGISMS

Here is a case where I would normally send this off to everyone that I have an email address for. That is why there are blogs, so I can restrain myself.


Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words .
The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very,very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole.

Russell is home!

He actually came home Tuesday and it is great to have him home with us.

I often think of Russell and Christmas. When he was three or four he brought me in the K-Mart advertisement that featured a Batman Bike. I went to K-Mart, bought the bike, and he was as happy as could be on Christmas morning. Russell taught me a lot about asking for what you want present wise.

This year I will be as happy as can be because I will have what I really want, and that is the new toilets! Not to mention having all my kids home together again, along with my lovely daughter-in-law and wonderful grandchildren.

Overeater's Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care,
In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.

While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.

The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer,
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.

From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
Now dash away pounds; now dash away all.
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.

My droll little mouth and my round little belly
They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger beside my heartburn
Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry
If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.

And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
"In the morning I'll starve...
'til I take that first bite!"

John at the office

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Originally uploaded by davidmaus.

We spend a lot of time at the office while John is off school. It gives him somewhere he can go and the folks here at work are always glad to get a little more work out of me.

I just learned about flickr and the seamless way it adds photos to my blog. I took this picture in October on the way out of the office. John used to ask to go to the candy machine but now will happily eat a banana. That and the diet Coke make any visit to the office complete.

The Beaver Trilogy

This is episode 226 first played on 12/6/02. I love This American Life and you can imagine my joy to hear a segment that featured Beaver, Utah. You can listen to it online for free.

Act One. Action! Action! Action! Starlee Kine tells the story of a man more obsessed with reruns than even she is. Director Trent Harris made a movie called The Beaver Trilogy. It's whole movie that's a rerun, based on a personal rerun that Trent found himself caught in. Starlee saw the movie, and tells the remarkable story of why it was made. (27 minutes.)

Holiday Birthdays

For all my friends and family who have birthdays close to the holidays.

Self Serve Christmas

From my dad:

A kindly 90-year-old grandmother found buying presents for family and friends a bit much one Christmas, so she wrote out checks for all of them to put in their Christmas cards.

In each card she wrote, "Buy your own present" and then sent them off.

After the Christmas festivities were over, she found the checks in her desk!

Everyone had gotten a Christmas card from her with "Buy your own present" written inside, but without the checks!

Wisdom

I dialed a number and got the following recording:

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

---

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

---

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

---

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

---

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

---

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

---

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

---

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

What were they thinking?

Saw this in the paper this morning:

'Extreme Makeover' cast holds fundraiser at La Zona Rosa

The goal was to raise $140,000 to pay off the mortgage for the O'Donnell family, whose current home has mold, a leaky roof and other problems.

Five of the six O'Donnell children have autism, and the new house will include amenities to help the children.

Not to be unkind, but why do people keep having more and more children with autism? I can barely handle one.

Memories

I just had to laugh when I saw this.

I don't think that there is a parent alive who has had teenagers who doesn't relate.

Struggling family needs car to take mom for cancer treatments

And I thought I had things bad....

Sernas rally around faith, one another in tough times.

AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Monday, December 11, 2006

Emma, Christopher and their 12-year-old son, Rueben, are grateful for each other and the comfort they find in their faith. The many challenges they face have not diminished their hope for a better, healthier future.

Emma is battling cancer for the third time and has had numerous surgeries, including a mastectomy and the removal of a malignant brain tumor. Her husband, Christopher, is diabetic and suffers back pain, and Rueben is also a cancer survivor with a prosthetic eye that needs to be replaced soon.

Emma has limited vision, but the family has not been able to afford treatment. Thanks to Brushy Creek Eye Care of Round Rock, she will get the eye care she needs.

"This is a very deserving family," said Dr. Javier Zamora, who was moved to help after reading about the Serna family. "I found out Mrs. Serna has not been able to see well in years. I'm glad our gift will help improve her vision."

The Sernas also have received the beds they needed. But their most urgent and biggest need remains: a reliable vehicle to get Emma from San Marcos to San Antonio for cancer treatment. She often has to make the trip every day, and it's a mad scramble to try to find transportation.

They would also like to have a computer for Rueben, a straight-A student who sells newspapers on the weekend to help with family finances. And a television would bring some entertainment into their lives.

After the Sernas' needs are met, Community Action Inc. will distribute additional donations to other families with similar needs. To reach the agency, call (512) 392-1161.

Plaid Tidings

Had the best time tonight watching this at the Zachary Scott Theater.
I had seen Forever Plaid years ago at the Zach so this was a lot of fun. Two of the singers were in the original production.

This was the first time I had been to a production in their new theater. It used to be a bike shop next door to the other theaters. The stage was nice but there was a lack of bathrooms. There were two porta potties in front of the building. Glad I didn't have to make a potty break at intermission.

Nice moment

With all the craziness of remodeling, no toilets and waiting on delivery men and plumbers, it was nice to have a happy lunch with John today.

On Saturday I promised him that we would have lunch at Macaroni Grill today. We both ordered our favorites, John loves the Spaghetti and meatballs, I had the spinach salad. John was very happy to be there, was on his very best behavior, and was a joy to sit with. Since we were there early, we got to sit by a nice warm fire on this cold and rainy day.

One things about dining out with John, they remember you. I went with a co-worker there one time when it was busy. The manager recognized me and sat us immediately because I was a valued customer.

Flatulent passenger grounds flight

Here is an example of something I would probably send to everyone I know if I didn't have a blog...

NASHVILLE, Tenn., Dec 6 (Reuters Life!) - It may be one problem airline security officials never envisioned -- a passenger lighting matches in flight to mask odors from her flatulence.

The woman's actions resulted in an emergency landing on Monday in Nashville of an American Airlines flight bound for Dallas from Washington, D.C., said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for Nashville's airport.

Other passengers reported the odor of burned matches, but the woman was not forthcoming when asked about it, Lowrance said on Wednesday.

"Of course, she was scared and embarrassed but all the passengers had to disembark, all the luggage had to be searched, a canine team was brought in, and about three hours were consumed in sorting out the situation," she said.

The woman was not allowed back on the flight and barred from flying on American Airlines, Lowrance said.

"Since there was no malice involved and the incident was accidental, she was not charged with anything," she said.

Passengers are permitted four books of paper safety matches on a plane but cannot light them during flight, Lowrance said.