Dean delivers top 10 list on Letterman

Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean turned to late-night comedy Thursday to poke fun at his arm-waving outburst in Iowa that has proven politically damaging. Dean taped an appearance on "Late Night with David Letterman" in which he presented the Top 10 list. The last Democrat to deliver the list was Rep. Dick Gephardt of Missouri on Jan. 12. After a poor showing in Iowa Monday, Gephardt abandoned his presidential bid.

The subject of Dean's list was "Ways, I, Howard Dean, can turn things around."

10. Switch to decaf.

9. Unveil new slogan, "Vote for Dean and get one dollar off your next purchase at Blimpie."

8. Marry Rachel on the final episode of "Friends."

7. Don't change a thing, it's going great.

6. Show a little more skin.

5. Go on "American Idol" and give them a taste of those pipes.

4. Start working out and speaking with an Austrian accent.

3. I can't give specifics yet, but it involves Ted Danson.

2. Fire the staffer who suggested I do this lousy Top 10 List instead of actually campaigning.

1. Oh, I don't know -- maybe fewer, crazy, red-faced rants.

The TRUE Stella Awards -- 2003 Winners
by Randy Cassingham
Issued 21 January 2003

  Unlike the FAKE cases that have been highly circulated online for the
last several years (see http://www.StellaAwards.com/bogus.html for
details), the following cases have been researched from public sources
and are confirmed TRUE by the ONLY legitimate source for the Stella
Awards: www.StellaAwards.com . To confirm this copy is legitimate, see
http://www.StellaAwards.com/2003.html

                                   -v-

THE RUNNERS UP FOR THE 2003 TRUE STELLA AWARDS ARE:

#8: Stephen Joseph of San Francisco, Calif. Joseph runs a non-profit
  group whose goal is to ban the "trans fats" used in many processed
  foods and which are indeed very unhealthy. But to help gain publicity
  for his cause, Joseph, an attorney, chose one food that uses trans
  fats -- Oreo cookies -- and sued Kraft Foods for putting the stuff in
  the snack. The resulting publicity over "suing Oreos" was so intense
  that Joseph dropped the suit after just 13 days. He never even served
  the suit on Kraft, showing that he had no interest in actually getting
  the case heard in court. What real cases got pushed aside during his
  abuse of the courts to get publicity for his pet organization?

#7: Shawn Perkins of Laurel, Ind. Perkins was hit by lightning in the
  parking lot Paramount's Kings Island amusement park in Mason, Ohio. A
  classic "act of God", right? No, says Perkins' lawyer. "That would be
  a lot of people's knee-jerk reaction in these types of situations."
  The lawyer has filed suit against the amusement park asking
  unspecified damages, arguing the park should have "warned" people not
  to be outside during a thunderstorm.

#6: Caesar Barber, 56, of New York City. Barber, who is 5-foot-10 and 270
  pounds, says he is obese, diabetic, and suffers from heart disease
  because fast food restaurants forced him to eat their fatty food four
  to five times per week. He filed suit against McDonald's, Burger King,
  Wendy's and KFC, who "profited enormously" and asked for unspecified
  damages because the eateries didn't warn him that junk food isn't good
  for him. The judge threw the case out twice, and barred it from being
  filed a third time. Is that the end of such McCases? No way: lawyers
  will just find another plaintiff and start over, legal scholars say.

#5: Cole Bartiromo, 18, of Mission Viejo, Calif. After making over $1
  million in the stock market, the feds made Bartiromo pay it all back:
  he gained his profits, they said, using fraud. Bartiromo played
  baseball at school, but after his fraud case broke he was no longer
  allowed to participate in extracurricular sports. Bartiromo clearly
  learned a lot while sitting in federal court: he wrote and filed his
  own lawsuit against his high school, reasoning that he had planned on
  a pro baseball career but, because he was kicked off the school's
  team, pro scouts wouldn't be able to discover him. His suit demands
  the school reimburse him for the great salary he would have made in
  the majors, which he figures is $50 million.

#4: Priest David Hanser, 70. Hanser was one of the first Catholic priests
  to be caught up in the sex abuse scandal. In 1990, he settled a suit
  filed by one of his victims for $65,000. In the settlement, Hanser
  agreed not to work with children anymore, but the victim learned that
  Hanser was ignoring that part of the agreement. The victim appealed to
  the church, asking it to stop Hanser from working near children, but
  the church would not intervene. "It's up to the church to decide where
  he works," argued the priest's lawyer. When the outraged victim went
  to the press to warn the public that a pedo priest was near children,
  Hanser sued him for the same $65,000 because he violated his own part
  of the deal -- to keep the settlement secret. The message is clear:
  shut up about outrageous abuse, or we'll sue you for catching us.

#3: Wanda Hudson, 44, of Mobile, Ala. After Hudson lost her home to
  foreclosure, she moved her belongings to a storage unit. She says she
  was inside her unit one night "looking for some papers" when the
  storage yard manager found the door to her unit ajar -- and locked it.
  She denies that she was sleeping inside, but incredibly did not call
  for help or bang on the door to be let out! She was not found for 63
  days and barely survived; the formerly "plump" 150-pound woman lived
  on food she just happened to have in the unit, and was a mere 83
  pounds when she was found. She sued the storage yard for $10 million
  claiming negligence. Even though the jury was not allowed to learn
  that Hudson had previously diagnosed mental problems, it found Hudson
  was nearly 100 percent responsible for her own predicament -- but
  still awarded her $100,000.

#2: Doug Baker, 45, of Portland, Ore. Baker says God "steered" him to a
  stray dog. He admits "People thought I was crazy" to spend $4,000 in
  vet bills to bring the injured mutt back to health, but hey, it was
  God's dog! But $4,000 was nothing: he couldn't even take his
  girlfriend out to dinner without getting a dog-sitter to watch him.
  When the skittish dog escaped the sitter, Baker didn't just put an ad
  in the paper, he bought display ads so he could include a photo. His
  business collapsed since he devoted full time to the search for the
  dog. He didn't propose to his girlfriend because he wanted the dog to
  deliver the ring to her. He hired four "animal psychics" to give him
  clues to the animal's whereabouts, and hired a witch to cast spells.
  He even spread his own urine around to "mark his territory" to try to
  lure the dog home! And, he said, he cried every day. Two months in to
  the search, he went looking for the dog where it got lost -- and
  quickly found it. His first task: he put a collar on the mutt. (He
  hadn't done that before for a dog that was so "valuable"?!) After
  finding the dog, he sued the dog sitter, demanding $20,000 for the
  cost of his search, $30,000 for the income he lost by letting his
  business collapse, $10,000 for "the temporary loss of the special
  value" of the dog, and $100,000 in "emotional damages" -- $160,000
  total. God has not been named as a defendant.

AND THE WINNER of the 2003 True Stella Awards: The City of Madera, Calif.
  Madera police officer Marcy Noriega had the suspect from a minor
  disturbance handcuffed in the back of her patrol car. When the suspect
  started to kick at the car's windows, Officer Noriega decided to
  subdue him with her Taser. Incredibly, instead of pulling her stun gun
  from her belt, she pulled her service sidearm and shot the man in the
  chest, killing him instantly. The city, however, says the killing is
  not the officer's fault; it argues that "any reasonable police
  officer" could "mistakenly draw and fire a handgun instead of the
  Taser device" and has filed suit against Taser, arguing the company
  should pay for any award from the wrongful death lawsuit the man's
  family has filed. What a slur against every professionally trained
  police officer who knows the difference between a real gun and a stun
  gun! And what a cowardly attempt to escape responsibility for the
  actions of its own under-trained officer.

TO CONFIRM THE VALIDITY OF THESE CASES, get more information on the True
  Stella Awards, or sign up for a free e-mail subscription to new cases
  as they are issued, see http://www.StellaAwards.com/2003.html

Copyright 2004 www.StellaAwards.com . This message may be forwarded as
  long as it remains complete and unaltered.

The Village Voice: Nation: Mondo Washington: Warnings During Wartime by James Ridgeway

The Village Voice: Nation: Mondo Washington: Warnings During Wartime by James Ridgeway: "One thing we learned from the Taliban is how to get rid of drugs through harsh penalties for anyone breaking the law. In recent days articles have trumpeted the success of the Taliban's drug program, the only one in the world that has actually worked. As for all those promiscuous girls (and some boys, too) out there, let them practice abstinence as a way to fight STDs and drugs, which a growing chorus of get-tough lawmakers, even some right-wingers who fear rising prison costs may raise their taxes, say don't work. Let's reward schools that follow the Taliban-style enforcement program with a $23 million federal drug-testing program under the heading of 'a tool to save children's lives' against sexually transmitted diseases. The government will give them a heftier federal handout if they coerce their students into taking drug tests. "

NPR : Mormon Cinema, a Growing Indie Scene

NPR : Mormon Cinema, a Growing Indie Scene: "New Breed of Films Promote Values of Latter-day Saints"

Gibson's "Passion" to hit U.S. screens

Reuters | Latest Financial News / Full News Coverage: "Mel Gibson's controversial new film, 'The Passion of Christ,' which at first had a hard time finding a distributor, will be independently released on about 2,000 screens in the United States next month, a Gibson spokesman said on Wednesday."

Salon.com | America's final wakeup call

Salon.com | America's final wakeup call: "America's final wakeup call
Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill's damning book may finally clue Americans in to the deadly consequences of being governed by a disengaged dolt in the hands of a fanatical cabal."

My Belief-O-Matic Score

1.  Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%) 2.  Liberal Quakers (93%) 3.  Unitarian Universalism (92%) 4.  Neo-Pagan (84%) 5.  New Age (77%) 6.  Theravada Buddhism (77%) 7.  Mahayana Buddhism (76%) 8.  Bahá'í Faith (74%) 9.  Reform Judaism (69%) 10.  Secular Humanism (69%) 11.  Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (58%) 12.  Taoism (58%) 13.  Orthodox Quaker (57%) 14.  Jainism (56%) 15.  New Thought (56%) 16.  Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (55%) 17.  Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (53%) 18.  Sikhism (50%) 19.  Scientology (49%) 20.  Jehovah's Witness (45%) 21.  Nontheist (43%) 22.  Orthodox Judaism (42%) 23.  Hinduism (38%) 24.  Islam (35%) 25.  Seventh Day Adventist (29%) 26.  Eastern Orthodox (23%) 27.  Roman Catholic (23%)

Belief-O-Matic -- A personality quiz about your religious beliefs and spiritual beliefs - a quiz answering What Religion Am I -- Beliefnet.com

Belief-O-Matic -- A personality quiz about your religious beliefs and spiritual beliefs - a quiz answering What Religion Am I -- Beliefnet.com: "Even if YOU don't know what faith you are, Belief-O-Matic? knows. Answer 20 questions about your concept of God, the afterlife, human nature, and more, and Belief-O-Matic? will tell you what religion (if any) you practice...or ought to consider practicing. "

Salon.com Technology | No safety net for programmers

Salon.com Technology | No safety net for programmers: "When manufacturing jobs go overseas, laid-off workers are eligible for a host of benefits. But if you're one of the tens of thousands of software producers whose jobs have been outsourced, you're out of luck."

Arianna Huffington

Salon.com | Dean, Bobby and the ghost of landslides past
Of course Dean is angry. Take a look at what's happening in Iraq, with another 236 American soldiers killed or wounded since Saddam was dragged out of his spider hole. And take a look closer to home, where we have 12 million children living in poverty, six out of seven working poor families unable to afford quality child care, record levels of personal debt, and more and more U.S. jobs being "outsourced" overseas. If you still have a pulse -- are you listening, Joe Lieberman? -- you should be royally pissed.

And the Press Thinks He's Nuts?

The Village Voice: Nation: Mondo Washington: Dean Calls 9-11 by James Ridgeway: "WASHINGTON—Setting aside Sunday's puerile attacks on Howard Dean by a desperate John Kerry and the by now embarrassing Joe Lieberman, the so-called Iowa debate briefly touched on the true bottom-line issue of the coming election: the extent of the U.S. government's foreknowledge of 9-11. "

Salon.com | God to America: Don't reelect Bush!

Salon.com | God to America: Don't reelect Bush!: "Pat Robertson says that God is calling a Bush blowout. My own pipeline to the Almighty says it's not a prediction, it's a warning."

Bush in 30 Seconds

Bush in 30 Seconds

The Village Voice: Nation: Mondo Washington: The Martial Plan by James Ridgeway

The Village Voice: Nation: Mondo Washington: The Martial Plan by James RidgewayWASHINGTON—Every day the U.S. looks more like a police state.



An internal Justice Department probe, based on surveillance videos made by the government inside federal detention facilities, shows that the U.S. harassed, beat, and kept in solitary confinement without access to family or lawyers men it picked up off the streets of New York after 9-11. More likely than not, these men were seized on grounds that some cop or FBI agent thought they looked like Osama followers. Or that a business partner or neighbor decided he could get the man's money or property by charging him first with theft and then telling the cops, "Oh, by the way, I think the guy is Al Qaeda," a claim that one magistrate after another accepted as the reason to set bails so high no one but a millionaire could pay to get out.



And this doesn't even scratch the surface of what's been going on. Lawyers were not told the numbers of courtrooms to where their clients were being shuttled because the room locations were secret. Members of Congress, government, the press, and the judiciary knew from the very get-go that any FBI agent, acting on his or her own, could make an affidavit asserting that any individual was a suspected terrorist.



Every day, Ashcroft and Bush work the country toward something like martial law, though the administration has suffered setbacks, like last week's rulings by two federal appellate courts in Padilla v. Rumsfeld and Gherebi v. Bush. Both of those decisions, for now at least, hamper the government's ability to simply lock up suspects indefinitely.



But the government has other targets and other ways of dealing with them. The most recent crackdown seems to be on the foreign press—the source of much of the substantial critique of its policies.



U.S. immigration authorities are detaining foreign correspondents on grounds they have not obtained special visas permitting them to operate here, reports the Associated Press. True, there is a law stipulating a special visa for journalists, but few have ever heard of it and it is seldom enforced. No more. No one ever told the visiting journalists it had suddenly been revived. As a result, immigration officials aren't allowing reporters from abroad to come in under ordinary 90-day tourist visa waivers.



Peter Krobath, chief editor for the Austrian movie magazine Skip, was seized and held overnight in a cold room with 45 others who landed without visas. Is he an Osama follower? A disguised fedayeen from Saddam's clan? No. He is guilty of flying to the U.S. to interview Ben Affleck.



Thomas Sjoerup, a photographer for the Danish paper Ekstra Bladet, had to give the American authorities fingerprints, a mug shot, and a DNA sample, and he was promptly sent back home anyway.



Six French journalists were marched across a terminal at Los Angeles International Airport in handcuffs, having had their belts and shoelaces removed. The International Press Institute, based in Vienna, along with the International Federation of Journalists, headquartered in Brussels, is protesting this treatment.



The U.S. response? An embassy official in Vienna insisted that the government was only acting in accordance with the letter of the law.

Spell this word

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her, "Hello, How are you ! We've been waiting for you ! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in ?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been ?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion And, my wife and I travelled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer. How do I get in ?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word ?" her husband asked

"Czechoslovakia."

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry ... there'll be Hell to pay later.

Man says he gave wife toilet seat as gift


- - - - - - - - - - - -


Dec. 23, 2003 | LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) -- Gary and Karri Clark haven't forgotten their second Christmas together. He knew she wanted bathroom accessories, so he wrapped up a couple of gifts and waited.

The toilet seat and towel rack didn't go over too well.

"Here I thought I was doing good," he recalled with a laugh. "It was something she can always use, day after day. It's the gift that keeps on giving."

The Clarks were among those who responded to requests by the Daily Times-Call newspaper to share their stories about bungled gifts and best intentions -- the waffle makers, blenders and vacuum cleaners given with love and practicality in mind that will never be forgotten or forgiven.

Karri Clark admits she wanted a new toilet seat a decade ago because there was a crack in the old one. She just didn't think she'd get one gift wrapped.

"I could not believe it," she said. "What man gives you a toilet seat for Christmas?"

Stan Stanley said he learned his lesson about practical gifts in the early 1980s after presenting his wife with a garage door opener one Christmas. There was no entrance from the garage into the house, a source of irritation for Connie Stanley.

"I was so excited about opening it. I had no idea what it was," she said. After 57 years of marriage, she said, she has to forgive Stan when he makes a mistake like that.

Tom Tinkle remembers giving his wife a birthday blender and how she did a wonderful job of oohing and aahing before setting the box aside. When she finally took the blender out of the box, she discovered a sapphire bracelet slipped inside.

"It was a surprise for her and possibly made her rethink her opinions of her doofus husband giving her a bonehead blender for a gift," Tinkle said.

Gary Clark admits his bathroom gifts were out of desperation: It was Christmas Eve, he was at Kmart and he couldn't think of what to buy his wife.

"She wanted it, but not for Christmas," he said. Since then, he's done better: His wife received a Ford Explorer for her birthday this year.

St. Louis Post-Dispatch

The retailer that stole XMAS

ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH



Saturday, December 20, 2003



N ORTH POLE -- Troubled toy maker Santa Claus Inc., (NYSE: XMAS) (this week) announced that had filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, the latest victim of the retailing juggernaut that is Wal-Mart Inc.



Santa N. Claus, XMAS chairman and CEO, said his 2,000-year-old firm would lay off 2,500 workers at its North Pole toy factory. Claus said manufacturing would be shifted to factories in China and Korea.



Claus also announced the liquidation of "certain livestock assets," specifically, eight tiny reindeer working in XMAS' delivery operations. "We can't afford on-time delivery any more," Claus said bitterly, "not when Wal-Mart has people coming to 4,300 stores around the world to pick the stuff up for themselves."



The action by XMAS follows the announcement last week that the upscale FAO Schwarz toy company had sought bankruptcy protection. In November, Toys "R" Us, the $11 billion toy chain, announced a $38 million third-quarter loss, closed 182 stores and laid off 3,000 workers.



Over the past year, FAO Schwarz has closed its Zany Brainy stores, and Toys "R" Us has closed 146 Kids "R" Us clothing stores and its Imaginarium toy stores. Toys "R" Us shares have dropped 73 percent to around $11.75 in the past decade.



Not coincidentally, in the past decade Wal-Mart has more than doubled its share of the nation's annual $25 billion toy business. Nearly one in every four dollars spent on toys in the United States goes to Wal-Mart.



Claus explained, "Take your Hokey Pokey Elmo, the `it' toy for this year. Wal-Mart is selling Hokey Pokey Elmo at $19.46. That's 30 percent under list and about what it costs me to make it. They sell toys at low margin and make it up on volume. Plus they use toys as loss leaders, getting people into their stores and selling them other stuff while they're there. I don't sell tires and groceries and besides, the delivery costs would kill me. Man doesn't live on milk and cookies alone, you know."



Economists predicted that competing with Wal-Mart would make Claus' operation more efficient. "Wal-Mart is the greatest thing that ever happened to low-income Americans," W. Michael Cox, chief economist of the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas, told The New York Times. "They can stretch their dollars and afford things they otherwise couldn't."



Meanwhile, at Wal-Mart headquarters in Bentonville, Ark., a company spokesman said the firm would soon debut "Sammy Claus," a Christmas mascot modeled on the company's late founder, Sam Walton. "Sammy Claus and his trusty bird dog, Roy, will fly through the air in a magic bass boat pulled by an old pickup truck," the spokesman said. "Sammy Claus will wear a blue vest, and instead of `Ho, ho, ho,' he'll be saying, `Low, low, low."'



Informed that Sammy Claus would soon be coming to town, Santa Claus was philosophical. "I guess I can get a job as a greeter at Wal-Mart."

Salon.com News | "This is not America"

Salon.com News | "This is not America": "Afterward, many observers said the same thing: 'This is not America.' Civil libertarians, though, worry that -- in an era when legitimate homeland security fears have begun to edge over into hysterical paranoia about 'anarchists' -- it might offer a glimpse of where America's response to protest is headed. "

Thanks from a grateful nation

Salon.com News | Dearly deported: "Just months after Zeferino Colunga Sr. lost his GI son in Iraq, the government arrested him and sent him back to Mexico. "

Got to love those fun loving Republicans

Cruisin' for a Bruisin' December 9, 2003: "The plan by House Majority Leader, Tom 'the Hammer' DeLay, to quarantine Republican politicians, donors, and delegates on a cruise ship in the Hudson during next year?s Republican National Convention has been sunk. But for Bush opponents, there sure is a lot of blood in the water. With Democrats hooting and howling, and many fellow Republicans quietly wincing, DeLay caved, but only after letting the controversy play out for a while, so determined was he to have his colleagues stay docked off Manhattan Island. The dramatic debacle revealed that the Republicans?including Tough Guy DeLay?are wimps of the first order, scared to death of mingling among the Clinton-loving, sodomite-friendly masses. "

Microsoft fires worker over weblog

Microsoft fires worker over weblog: "As the weblogging phenomenon has taken off, there have been isolated incidents around the country in which companies fired employees for posting in their personal weblogs work-related material that executives consider compromising or inappropriate. But Hanscom appears to be the first person let go for that reason from Microsoft, where an ever increasing number of employee webloggers regularly post work-related material."

What I am reading

Dry: A Memoir

by Augusten Burroughs

One of the best books I have read in years. Highly recommend.

“I was addicted to “Bewitched” as a kid. I worshipped Darren Stevens the First. When he’d come home from work and Samantha would say, ‘Darren, would you like me to fix you a drink?’ He’d always rest his briefcase on the table below the mirror in the foyer, wipe his forehead with a monogrammed handkerchief and say, ‘Better make it a double.’” (from Chapter Two)

New York Daily News - Daily Dish & Gossip - Rush & Molloy: Tasteless gags Maher a Hillary tribute

New York Daily News - Daily Dish & Gossip - Rush & Molloy: Tasteless gags Maher a Hillary tribute: "'Queer Eye' guy Carson Kressley asks Cher in Us Weekly who she'd most like to have as a co-joined twin. Attorney General John Ashcroft, she says. 'So I could influence him a bit - or just beat the s-- out of him.' Kresley notes that Cher doesn't seem to be a Republican, 'Are you kidding me?' she says. 'I'd rather stick needles in my eyes' ..."

I like John Kerry more and more

New York Post Online Edition: news: "December 6, 2003 -- Struggling 2004 Democratic wannabe John Kerry fires an X-rated attack at President Bush over Iraq and uses the f-word - highly unusual language for a presidential contender - in a stunning new interview with Rolling Stone magazine. "

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today

• Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you?re a conservative radio host. Then it?s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  
  
  
  
• The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
  
  
  
  
• Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
  
  
  
  
• ?Standing Tall for America? means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
  
  
  
  
• A woman can?t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
  
  
  
  
• Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
  
  
  
  
• The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans? benefits and combat pay.
  
  
  
  
• Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
  
  
  
  
• If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won?t have sex.
  
  
  
  
• A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
  
  
  
  
• HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
  
  
  
  
• Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  
  
  
  
• Global warming and tobacco?s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  
  
  
  
• Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush?s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a ?we can?t find Bin Laden? diversion.
  
  
  
  
• A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
  
  
  
  
• Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
  
  
  
  
• The public has a right to know about Hillary?s cattle trades, but George Bush?s driving record is none of our business.
  
  
  
  
• You support states? rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
  
  
  
  
• What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ?80s is irrelevant.
  
  
  
  
• Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
  

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in

liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage?

suitable for use as a mixer.?



It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.??

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and

it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a

good old fashioned "stiff drink".??



Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO."

Light Bulb

Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able to take flex. But there had to be a way........



One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work," the man whispered.



"How?" hissed the blonde at the next workstation.



Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.



Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.



"I'm a light bulb," answered the public servant.



"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of here -that's an order - and I don't want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?"



"Yes sir," the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.



The blonde was hot on his heels.



"Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.



"Home," she said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."

God continues to stay on our side apparently

The Village Voice: Nation: Mondo Washington: Rummy's Kids by James Ridgeway: "Attending a National Prayer Breakfast, General Boykin described 'a demonic presence in [Mogadishu, Somalia] that God revealed to me as the enemy,' reports The Washington Post. Speaking of Somali warlord Osman Ato, Boykin said, 'He went on CNN and he laughed at us, and he said, 'They'll never get me because Allah will protect me. Allah will protect me.' Well, you know what, I knew that my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real God and his was an idol.' "

The Good Samaritan



As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."



The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"



Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window.



Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"



When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.



He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says."Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the damn SALT TRUCK!

What I am reading - pure trash but it is a fun read

Amazon.com: Books: Santa Fe Rules: "You're a rich, successful Hollywood producer who awakens the morning before Thanksgiving in your Santa Fe home with no memory of the previous night. Ignoring your dog's attempts to get you to visit the guest wing of the house, you leave and fly your private plane to Los Angeles. But you never get there: a breakdown forces you to spend the holiday isolated in a small airport town. When you finally see the newspaper the next day, you read that the bodies of your wife, your business partner and a third man--assumed to be you--have been found in the guest room of the Santa Fe residence. Further, you learn that your wife is not who you thought she was and has a most sleazy past. You don't know what's going on--or even whether you committed the murders yourself. That's the premise of Woods's ( Palindrome ) newest thriller. Wolf Willett decides to stay 'dead' for a while and finish work on his new film, then hires a top defense attorney and turns himself in. Things keep moving thereafter at the same mad pace, with ever more improbable plot twists pushing the reader's suspension of disbelief to the limit--if not beyond. Willett may be the dumbest protagonist any writer will create this year. Woods is a master of this sort of thing, however, and unfolds his tale in an easy style that will keep readers engrossed and probably put his name on the bestseller lists again. 75,000 first printing; $125,000 ad/promo; Doubleday Book Club and Mystery Guild selections; Literary Guild alternate; author tour. "

Only in Texas

Yahoo! News - Ben Sargent

Yahoo! News - Study Finds No Link Between Vaccines, Autism

Yahoo! News - Study Finds No Link Between Vaccines, Autism: "But public health activists, including those who work with autism sufferers, said that neurological disorders had been found at significantly high rates in the original analysis of the study in 2000, but had been watered down in the final version. "

Do they ever have my number

Salon.com Technology | Hackers on Atkins: "Geeks who go low-carb see it as more than just taking off pounds -- they're reengineering the human organism, overclocking their own bodies."

Yahoo! News - Americans Flock to Get on NRA Blacklist

Yahoo! News - Americans Flock to Get on NRA Blacklist: "Most blacklists are designed to intimidate. But thousands of Americans are clamoring to join one drawn up by the National Rifle Association (NRA)."

Boy, I hope this is the beginning of something

BW Online | October 27, 2003 | The Hidden Costs of IT Outsourcing: "While moving software development and tech support offshore is all the rage, many companies find the overall savings aren't that great "

WorkingForChange-This Modern World: Like father, like son

WorkingForChange-This Modern World: Like father, like son

WorkingForChange-This Modern World: Interesting Things We Have Learned From Republicans Lately

WorkingForChange-This Modern World: Interesting Things We Have Learned From Republicans Lately:

This is good news, I started the Atkins diet 11 days ago.

Yahoo! News - Low-Carb Diets Are Working, Study Says: "The dietary establishment has long argued it's impossible, but a new study offers intriguing evidence for the idea that people on low-carbohydrate diets can actually eat more than folks on standard lowfat plans and still lose weight. "

After Sunday service the minister was passing a group of young teens laying on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.



"Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."



"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."



In unison they all replied, "You win!"

Dolphin Stress Test

Dolphin Stress Test: "It's a simple test designed to indicate whether people have too much stress in their life. "

Response to Austism post on Salon.com

[Read "Planet Autism," by Scot Sea.]

I suspect this is small comfort to Scott Sea, but the ability to write so gorgeously about such a mysteriously tragic reality -- his daughter's severe autism -- says something breathtaking about human life.

The article was a gift to your readers; yet in resonance with the author's experience, it's impossible to describe precisely what that gift was. I remain forever grateful that there are people who can do this.

-- Barbara Regenspan

Scot Sea's "Planet Autism" is heart-wrenching, vivid and the most "real" account of the daily lives of families with challenged children I have read. As a pediatric nurse I counseled parents on strategies and helped them manage their children when they were in the office or the hospital.

I always knew and respected the fact that these parents were the experts, the soldiers in the trench. I have long admired the way many parents of these children hold their heads up and accept what the day brings, which is usually a predictable kind of unpredictability that most of us would not accept for an hour.

Few of us know what it's like to make cleaning feces and other body fluids off everyday objects part of our routine, or to suffer from the lack of a shower or a trip to the store on our own. There is not a comment I can make to comfort a family member in this situation. I hope that people read the article and understand that the world is a completely different shape in some households.

-- Teresa Courtney

I found the article on autism both fascinating and heartbreaking.

In a civilized world, governments would exist for one reason only: to take care of their people, to help them with the necessities of life that they can't provide for themselves. Food, shelter, healthcare (no matter how specialized) and education are every human being's right. These things should not be subject to "free market" whims, political expediency or, God forbid, insurance industry regulations.

Lack of money is the most common excuse for the existence of human suffering. In a country that can afford trillions of dollars for vanity wars, foreign aid to despots, and boondoggle/pork barrel projects, this is obviously a fallacy. Lack of vision, compassion and will is the reason behind this story and millions of others like it.

-- Joseph Thomas

Tell Scot he is not alone. I understand exactly what he is talking about, having a 15-year-old daughter with PDD-NOS and OCD who gets violent. Our family has been destroyed through police calls, moving everywhere to find a decent spot for her, to running out on the rent as all the money went to care for her ever-growing needs.

We are bankrupt, living with family, and are numb with exhaustion. I cannot work full time as her high school calls daily about whatever she has done lately that they will not handle.

There was also a grandmother in Sacramento who shot her adult granddaughter rather than watch her daughter go through moving the granddaughter to yet another school, another disaster. I nodded grimly at the news, knowing what drove the grandmother to that extreme. I wonder what will happen when I finally cannot take any more?

-- Michelle Eventide

As the proud parent of a wonderful 14-year-old young man who is severely autistic, I obviously strongly empathize with the author and his wife and daughter.

Simply put, parenting a large, physically powerful and nonverbal young man such as my son is an incredibly challenging and stressful experience that could not be comprehended by anyone who had not been through the experience themselves. I myself have found my strength stretched to its absolute limit.

That being said, at no point in the article did I detect any love for Sea's daughter or enjoyment of her company. Those are the two things that allow me to cope with my son and make him the best thing that has ever happened to me.

-- Steven L. Fine

As an older sibling of an autistic man, I take great offense to Scot Sea's article, "Planet Autism." Mr. Sea would like to categorize the autistic as either savants or savages. My brother, Jeffrey, was diagnosed in the early '70s. He went on to attend two of the best schools for special needs in New York State, Pre-Schooler's Workshop and Rosemary Kennedy School.

Because of this strong educational background and loving family support, my brother has a job and an active social life. I don't "feel" for the man who killed his child and himself. Did he exhaust every opportunity for his child's development?

Families with an autistic child are obligated to provide the best educational and social opportunities, just like any other family. But we just have to work a little harder so we can avoid resentment and tragedy.

-- Karen Christina Jones

Thank you, Scott Sea, for writing this article. It is the most truthful account I have ever read of what it is like to be the parent of a severely disabled child. My 23-year-old son has severe cerebral palsy, frequent seizures, and is mentally retarded.

The issues are different than for your daughter. But the sense of living on another planet, surrounded by clueless neighbors and store clerks, enduring unimaginable inconvenience at home: All this I recognize. Thank you for speaking the truth.

-- Jan Gallant

I know that man (who killed his autistic child), and I know the author. I am living their lives. I love my son with all my heart, but when my husband and I are gone or when we become too ill to handle him, what will happen to my son? I would not wish this on anyone.

-- Suzanne Leonard

As the mother of a 15-year-old child with tuberous sclerosis who has many autistic-type symptoms as a result, I could really relate to the chaos, embarrassment and frustration expressed. Especially when it comes to the clueless and stupid attitudes, comments and delusions comfortably nurtured by those who don't have to live through something like this.

Burdens like these "blessings" are a nice place to visit, but nowhere anyone would want to live, and as character-building experiences they are highly overrated. More like character-deteriorating through the continual stress. It never stops. It never changes. It never goes away or gets better. Or worse, it seems to for a time and then returns with a vengeance.

I wish the world could really see what it's like through the eyes of this article but unfortunately, I don't have the faith in human nature required to believe it will really happen.

-- Name Withheld

Scot Sea's piece on autism is, without a doubt, one of the most courageously written articles I've ever read. Courage is not often associated with writing anymore, but to make people try to see or feel the reality of an (un)certain situation is admirable.

The phrase "She is atomic" is a masterstroke. I don't know when, or if, that quote will ever leave my head.

-- Michael Deme

Please convey my gratitude to Scot Sea for vividly telling the truth about life with an autistic child. While I am only an occasional visitor to their planet, I've had a glimpse of what life is like there for my sisters and their families (one has two autistic daughters, and one has a son with Asperger's syndrome).

On behalf of them, I'd like to thank Mr. Sea for sharing what daily life is really like for the parents of "special needs" children, and for including the full range of emotions that the necessary yet relentless, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, monitoring of these children can elicit.

-- Cynthia Winters

Many thanks to Scot Sea for writing that excellent slice-of-autistic-life piece, and to Salon for publishing it. For me it couldn't have been more perfectly timed as I dragged myself into work after getting up at 4 a.m. to tend to my 11-year-old daughter giggling and running naked around our backyard.

Since we learned of our daughter's condition, my wife has been a stay-at-home mom. She slid reluctantly into the role of advocate, therapist and caretaker and gave up her career as a software developer.

Sometimes it's hard to decide if you should try and lead a normal life or not. Is it bad to pretend that everything's fine? "Let's go the mall!" you say on a fine fall morning. Two hours later you leave the store with your child screaming, with everyone looking at you like you're an abusive parent. But sometimes it works. Sometimes no one knows but you that it could all fall apart in a few seconds.

And sometimes she laughs at her private joke, and her face shines as she sings her current favorite song, and you hug her and kiss her beautiful face and you find you can get through another day.

-- Charlie Evett

The Outing of a CIA Employee Is a Predictable Move in the Bush Government's Attack on Constitutional Rights

The Village Voice: Nation: Mondo Washington: Spy Scam by James Ridgeway: "WASHINGTON, D.C.—Outing Ambassador Wilson's wife as a covered CIA employee is another predictable step in the Bush government crude witch hunt politics.
Washington is crawling with covered and uncovered CIA employees as well as spooks from other agencies, such as the Defense Intelligence Agency and the National Security Agency. Many people cooperate with and/or are employed by the spy agencies. In the past they have included prestigious university professors along with any number of journalists. Ramparts Magazine rose to fame in the 1960s with its revelation of various student organizations used as CIA fronts. Ivy League universities recruited spies. Publishing companies have been financed and directed by the intelligence services.
So, it is inconceivable that Ambassador Wilson's wife was identified without everyone involved—from reporters to editors to lawyers to newspaper owners—knowing perfectly well that placing her name amid such an incendiary case in a major newspaper would lead to her ruin. And as a warning to everyone else in or around the spook community to shut up on the Iraq war or stand ready to be taken down. As Wilson told Reuters back in August: 'The reason for it was not to smear me or to even smear my wife,' Wilson said. 'The reason was to intimidate others from coming forward.'
Wilson himself is a whistleblower. And the Bush administration, with cooperation of the Congress, has successfully sought to curb what modest laws exist to protect whistleblowers. No one within the government—Democrat or Republican—has ever seriously tried to promote whistleblowing. This government, perhaps more so than the others, thrives on secrecy. "

As I Mature

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.



I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.



I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.



I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.



I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.



I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.



I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.



I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!



I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it



I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Repulican Family Values?

Women say Arnold groped, humiliated them: "One woman who says she was deeply offended by Schwarzenegger's words was a waitress at the Bicycle Shop cafe on Wilshire Boulevard in West Los Angeles, where the actor used to hang out with about half a dozen pals on Sunday mornings in the late 1980s.

'They always sat in my section,' she said. The group was friendly and chatty with her, and always took their lead from Schwarzenegger. They tipped well, too. 'There was definitely harmless flirtation with all of them,' said the woman, who also worked sporadically as a TV actress.

One Sunday, she said, she was pouring coffee at the table when Schwarzenegger beckoned her.

'I bent down to listen to him,' she recalled. 'He said, a little louder than a whisper, 'I want you to do a favor for me.' I thought, OK, maybe he wanted more bread. And he said, 'I want you to go in the bathroom, stick your finger in your (vagina), and bring it out to me.' '

She stood upright. 'I was thoroughly disgusted' but said nothing to Schwarzenegger, she recalled. 'There was drama in the silence of it,' she said. 'He looked up, and it looked like I was threatening (him) with the coffee pot.'

Everyone at the table then glanced over at the restaurant owner, Andre Driollet. He wagged his finger at the waitress, she said, apparently fearful that she was going to dump the coffee on Schwarzenegger.

'I was so appalled, and when Andre looked at me (as if) to say you better not, I immediately went to him to tell him what happened,' she recounted. What Schwarzenegger had said 'was above and beyond what was acceptable. I think he should have had hot coffee poured in his lap.'

Driollet, who according to a relative is living on a boat in the Caribbean, could "

Salon.com | Matt Drudge, GOP scourge?: "Liberals, Bush-haters, disillusioned right wingers: Meet your new journalistic hero, your muckraking defender of the everyman, your razor-sharp slasher of the Bush White House and Arnold Schwarzenegger's drive to take over California for the GOP.
Meet Matt Drudge.
OK, don't sign him up for a Salon Premium subscription just yet. But as unlikely as it seems, the online bottom feeder, who made his mark in the '90s spreading allegations that Bill Clinton got Oval Office nookie (true) and his aide Sidney Blumenthal beat his wife (false), is now going after the Bush White House with similar gusto. "

The Village Voice: Nation: Mondo Washington: Eyes Right on Hillary by James Ridgeway: "Of course, conservatives have another motive here. Just as they are trying to energize their Christian base with Bush talking like he wants a constitutional amendment against gays getting married, they can hit all their bases with Hillary as a foe. Every conservative Republican will vote if she runs. Right now, Republicans figure they can beat any of the Democrat doofs, but if Bush's figures continue to fall—and the Gallup poll suggests that's the case—and Hillary appears, then they will need to turn out their base across the country. Like nothing else, Hillary will get right-wingers to the polls. "

The Village Voice: Machine Age: Mr. Roboto: They've Got Your Number by Brendan I. Koerner: "In the days running up to WLNP, if you're considered a high-value customer, you may get a friendly call from your current provider, trying to suss out whether you intend to jump ship. Mr. Roboto's advice: Even if you're planning on staying put, lie and say you're bolting. The telemarketer on the other end will be authorized to offer some 'retention bonuses' to keep you on board. You probably won't get a rate cut, but they might toss in, say, free text messaging. Dishonesty has its rewards.
Even if you don't get the call—likely because you spend less than $75 a month—you can still leverage WLNP as an extortion tool. In late October, give your carrier's toll-free number a dial and pull an angry old man act—say you're bummed about the coverage and you're going to switch if things don't get better right quick. You will probably be transferred to a rep who can hand out a perk, like an early starting time for night minutes. This was the carrot offered to Mr. Roboto after he recently called to give Sprint PCS a piece of his mind. No, it won't stop him from skipping out come Zero Day—what, no service near the Flatiron Building?—but it's nice to hear the Man quaking in his boots. "

Salon.com Life | Loving Bush: Day 2: "So I sat there in church working this through in my mind, tugging at it, yet hunkered down on the inside to protect myself from having to take it in, and then the pastor said the most stunning thing I've ever heard her say: 'When someone is acting butt-ugly, God loves them just the same as God loves the innocent. They are still just as loved by God.' I was shocked. I thought, Boy, are you going to get it when Mom finds out. Also, I thought she was talking about the White House, but then she kept on preaching, about Jesus, and Dr. King, and -- if you read between the lines -- the people in my church. All of us -- and there are some exquisitely good people in this church. It was outrageous. She said you don't have to support people's political agenda, but you did have to love them, if you want to follow Jesus. She said you could tell if people were following Jesus, instead of following the people who follow Jesus, because they are feeding the poor, sharing their wealth, and making sure everyone has medical insurance. Then I zoned out. "

The End Of The World



When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?


USA Today: WE'RE DEAD


The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS


National Enquirer: SHEEP MISSING ALL OVER WORLD


Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE


Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER


Wired: THE LAST NEW THING


Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR


Readers Digest: BYE


Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?


TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!


Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS. BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!


America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 100 YEARS


Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE


Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.


IBM: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!


N.Y. Post: WHAASSSUP ?


Boston Globe: STRONG N.E. WINDS PREDICTED


Cuba Libre: BUSH BLOWS UP WORLD


Arizona Republic: TEMPERATURES EXPECTED TO HIT 1016 F TODAY

MTV.com - News -RIAA Drops Piracy Suit Against 66-Year-Old Grandmother: "On Friday, the Recording Industry Association of America withdrew its lawsuit against Sarah Seabury Ward of Newbury, Massachusetts, after the 66-year-old grandmother said she had never used or even downloaded any peer-to-peer file-sharing software. Bolstering her claim is the fact that Ward and her husband own a Macintosh computer, which is incompatible with the Kazaa file-sharing network they're accused of using to share more than 2,000 songs."

CBS News | Prison Sentences For Faked Cancer | September 25, 2003 06:53:44:
"Teresa Milbrandt shaved her daughter's hair and gave her sleeping pills to make it appear she was receiving chemotherapy, made her wear a protective mask and put her in counseling to prepare for death, police said. Authorities said the Milbrandts fooled 65 people and businesses into donating an estimated $31,000 for their daughter's treatment. "

Dumbyaonic Plague

An affliction which carries a self-righteous, condescending and arrogant minority into the fevered delusion that they are called upon to dupe an ill-informed and naive citizenry into believing that endless war, economic inequities, environmental pollution, domestic surveillance, irrational paranoia, religious zealotry, sexual insecurity, media suppression and abdication of civil rights are necessary components of a democracy.



Its symptoms include equating debate with sedition and opposition with treason. Persons suffering from this affliction can often be heard uttering phrases like ?It?s all Clinton?s fault?, "liberal whackos", "love it or leave it", ?Bring ?em on? and "more tax cuts".



Ineffective treatments have included wrapping oneself in a large flag and singing "God Bless America".

Yahoo! News - Ted Rall

Salon.com | Black helicopters over 43rd Street!: "Sept. 23, 2003 | Conspiracy theories, like old habits, die hard. In Monday's New York Times, William Safire, formerly of the Nixon White House, advanced the theory that the Clintons are encouraging Gen. Wesley Clark in his bid for the presidency to extend their nefarious hold over the Democratic Party, keeping Howard Dean's pesky upstarts in check and ensuring that the party keeps a center-left agenda. As Safire sees it, Bill and Hillary are waiting for Bush to become vulnerable (become vulnerable?) so 'the politically inexperienced' Clark, having routed all the other Democratic candidates, can step aside to make way for Hillary. "

The Village Voice: Nation: Nat Hentoff: Bush Accused by Lords of the Bar by Nat Hentoff: "Ignored by most media, an array of prominent federal judges, government officials, and other members of the legal establishment has joined in a historic rebellion against George W. Bush's unprecedented and unconstitutional arrogance of power that threatens the fundamental right of American citizens to have access to their lawyers before disappearing indefinitely into military custody without charges, without seeing an attorney or anyone except their guards. "

Sun prevents cancer : HindustanTimes.com: "“American Cancer Society statistics show that sun-inhibited internal cancers kill at more than 100-times-greater frequency than do sun-promoted skin cancers, so increasing sun exposure will save many lives”, Ainsleigh said."
YOu just can't win for losing.

Hurricane Isabel Photo - Netlore Archive: "Netlore Archive: Emailed photo purports to show the approach of Hurricane Isabel at sea, September 2003 "

Email Protest - Target Corp. Subsidiary Sells FCUK Brand Products - Netlore Archive: "Netlore Archive: Email flier criticizes Target Corp. subsidiary Marshall Field's for marketing 'FCUK' brand fragrance and clothing to teenagers "

The Globe and Mail: "Redlands, Calif. — Spike Lee, whose movies often have a political edge, says Americans need to think more about important issues and lay off the fluff.
'We as a people are more concerned with J.Lo and Ben Affleck than these so-called weapons of mass destruction,' he told 750 people who gathered Tuesday night at the University of Redlands. "

Funny Definitions

BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.



MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"



ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.



EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.



PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.



DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer.



FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.



JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.



ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.



NAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.



DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for 8 hours!

Doctors - Home Remedy

If you want a quick fix for flagging energy levels there's no better snack than a banana. Bananas contains three natural sugars --sucrose, fructose and glucose -- combined with fiber one banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions making it a must to add to your daily diet.



Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain trypotophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.



PMS: Forget the pills -- eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.



Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.



Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.



Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.



Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.



Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.



Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.



Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.



Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.



Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.



Overweight and at work?: Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.



Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronic ulcer cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.



Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.



Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer, trypotophan.



Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.



Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water-balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, there by reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.



Strokes: According to research in 'The New England Journal of Medicine' eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!



Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that, if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!



So you see, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A. and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around.



So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say,



"A Banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

The Village Voice: Features: Mondo Washington: Let George Undo It by James Ridgeway: "s of this week, at least, the Bush campaign is running on the success of the 'war against terror'—in Iraq and Afghanistan and at home. This is an attempt to deflect attention from what's happening with George W. Bush's main base of support: corporate execs rewarding his policies on taxes, the environment, and other business issues with more and more campaign cash. "

---

The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus - A BuzzFlash Reader Commentary: "A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION
from Al Franken and Don Simpson
Read 'The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus' and then see Al on the 'Fair and Balanced Tour'"

Salon.com | When corrections need correcting: "So, Wolfowitz and the administration might prove to be right after all. Not about Iraq's ties with bin Laden before the invasion. Nor about the nonexistent weapons of mass destruction the president used to scare up support for war. But by turning its claim that Iraq is the 'central front' in the war on terrorism into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Without this claim, the president's men would be revealed as imperial adventurers who wasted the lives and resources of this country to redraw the map of the world. That scheme, including 'preemptive military intervention,' can be traced to a 'Defense Planning Guidance' document prepared by Wolfowitz in 1992 when he was Cheney's undersecretary of defense for policy. "

The Village Voice: Features: Richard Goldstein: The Great Butch Hope by Richard Goldstein: "Gender is the great unspoken force in American politics. It's every bit as powerful as race and class, perhaps more so because it seldom gets addressed. The fear and loathing that feminism inspires in many men (most of whom won't admit their terror) have enabled the Republicans to adapt the racial strategy that won them the South to the contours of sexual politics. The result is a gender gap in which straight white men tend to root for Republicans while women and minorities lean Democratic. This alignment is the reason why Al Gore beat Bush in the popular vote. "

Color Me Dangerous September 16, 2003: "First we got color codes from the Department of Homeland Security. Remember when they raised the terror alert to orange and urged us to clear the store shelves of duct tape? (By the way, did you know that almost half of the duct tape in this country is suspiciously made by one Ohio company whose owner happened to be a big Republican donor?) Now, the Transportation Security Administration, created after 9/11 with the intention of protecting us in the air–and which is under attack for spending lots of money while still showing alarming lapses in safeguards–has decided to color-code each and every one of us the moment we buy a plane ticket. You won’t know it, but they’ll be assigning you a hue, color-coding your name in a computer soon after you trudge into the airport. Think of it as electronic tattooing or high-tech branding, all in the name of the war on terror. "

The Village Voice: Features: Come Out Fighting by Rick Perlstein: "I fantasize about the Democratic nominee kicking off his campaign with a TV spot like this:
Picture a man standing in an office, handsome, serious. It is Rand Beers, a former top Bush administration counterterrorism expert, looking into the camera and telling America the exact same words he told The Washington Post this past June when he resigned from his job with the National Security Council and joined the John Kerry presidential campaign: 'The administration wasn't matching its deeds to its words in the war on terrorism. They're making us less secure, not more secure.' (The words appear along the bottom of the screen, for emphasis: They're making us less secure, not more secure.) "

No license plate holders allowed in Texas?-Fiction!: "The eRumor says that as of September 1, 2003, it is illegal in the state of Texas to have a bracket around your license plate...the kind that have names of dealerships, sports teams, etc."

Paul Krugman, New York Times Columnist and Author of "The Great Unraveling: Losing Our Way in the New Century" - A BuzzFlash Interview: "BUZZFLASH: As a professor, if you were giving a lecture and you had to define the economic policy of the Bush administration, could you get your arms around it? How would you define it?
KRUGMAN: There is no economic policy. That's really important to say. The general modus operandi of the Bushies is that they don't make policies to deal with problems. They use problems to justify things they wanted to do anyway. So there is no policy to deal with the lack of jobs. There really isn't even a policy to deal with terrorism. It's all about how can we spin what's happening out there to do what we want to do. "

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (2003): "This genre-busting movie has the appearance of a love story but morphs into a thriller, told cleverly in a nonlinear style. Think 'Sliding Doors' crossed with 'The Sixth Sense,' with a little 'Memento' thrown in."

THINGS TO PONDER

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunkydunk."


Can you cry under water



How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?



If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?



Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?



Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?



Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?



Why does a round pizza come in a square box?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wakeup like every two hours?



If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?



If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?



Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?



Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.



If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?



I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!



Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?



Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.



My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.



Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.



Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?



If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!



Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

The Bull!

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was that of breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and should make a full recovery.

General Negligence Home News Article - Slack & Davis, L.L.P. www.slackdavis.com

Guardian Unlimited Politics | Special Reports | This war on terrorism is bogus

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.





As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair.







While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.





While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"





To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too."....

Salon.com Technology | One nation, united under economic antidepressants

Flight Reports

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe

sheets before the next flight.



Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.



(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Engine on right wing missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

Salt Lake City Weekly - Going for Broke

A good deal in Rome

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, and tries to make your life miserable.



A New York woman was at her hairdresser's on Park Avenue getting her hair cut prior to a vacation in Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? Italy's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.



So, how are you getting there?"



"Were taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"



"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late."



So, where are you staying in Rome?"



"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left bank called Teste..."



"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced".



"So, whatcha doing when you get there?"



"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."



"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're! going to need it."



A month later, the woman ran into the hairdresser on the street. The hairdresser asked her about her vacation in Rome.



"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "we not only flew on one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me!



The hotel was marvelous, they'd just finished a $5-million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"



"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."



"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand!



I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "



"Oh, really...what'd he say?"



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