12 Reasons You Shouldn’t Freelance

Nothing I have ever wanted to do. Except for the sleep all day part.

 

 

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12 Reasons You Shouldn’t Freelance

via FreelanceFolder by Amber Weinberg on 1/27/10

Going into business for the wrong reasons can bring ruin into both your financial and professional life. While freelancing comes with many perks, it's important not to base your self-employment decision solely on those perks, as you may run yourself out of business.

What are some of these perks of freelancing?

• You can choose your own hours
• You can choose your own clients
• You can choose the type of work you do
• You can choose your rates

We've discussed great reasons to start freelancing, but we haven't really talked about why you shouldn't start freelancing. Let's take a look at some of the worst reasons to go into business for yourself.

Reason 1: To Sleep in All Day and Leave Work Early

It's true that as a freelancer, you can set the hours you work. However, if you think that means you can sleep in all day and get off early, you'll be sadly disappointed.

Clients still expect you to keep some normal business hours. While it's ok to shift your schedule to times where you're most productive, you'll still have clients who request to speak to you by phone during nine to five hours. Limiting your work hours to starting at midnight and ending at 3 a.m. will cause you to lose a lot of potential business.

Reason 2: Freelancing Will Make You Rich

If you want to start freelancing, you shouldn't do it solely for the money. While you're free to set your rates, chances are you'll have little or no money when starting out. Making tons of cash, even if you're a seasoned professional, is pretty unlikely.

Reason 3: You Hate Working with People

Sorry to burst your bubble, but even if you plan on working by yourself, you still have to work with people. You may have to work with clients, agencies or other freelancers.

Reason 4: To Spend the Day with Your Kids

Unless you're planning on only working part-time, expecting to be able to spend ample amounts of time with your kids is a huge potential pitfall. Once you get your business going, you'll rarely have time for lunch and bathroom breaks; much less to change diapers, have playtime and offer help with homework.

Plus, if you're not careful, staying at home with your kids can be a huge distraction and prevent you from getting any work done. Especially with younger kids, the temptation to spend time with them can often throw a productive day out the door.

This isn't to say freelancing isn't a good option for stay-at-home parents. You just have to be realistic in your goal settings and realize you're not going to be able to be as productive, busy or profitable as a regular freelancer.

Reason 5: You Can Charge Whatever You Want

Related to Reason 2 above, you can't simply charge any amount of money for your work and expect anyone to hire you. Your rates have to fall into what the market can bear and take into account your quality of work and experience you offer.

Of course, the busier and more well known you become the more you can charge to "fit" in those clients or schedule them in months ahead of time.

Reason 6: Freelancing Is An Easy Job

Freelancing is one of the hardest jobs out there. It's one of the few careers where you're truly alone, in the sense that you're responsible for everything. This includes finding the work, doing the work, billing for it, tracking down late payments and taking care of the books and taxes. That's a lot of work for one person!

Reason 7: To Keep Up with the Household Chores

It drives me nuts to wake up to a kitchen full of dishes or stuff where it shouldn't be. However, I often have to hold back this urge until lunchtime or after work. Just like kids, it can be tempting to take just a "few" minutes to pick up the house and promise yourself you'll get "right" back to work. Before you know it, half the day is gone and you haven't done any work…paid work that is.

Personally, I try to have the dishes from the night before finished that night so I don't wake up with them in the sink. I try to pick up as I go throughout the day so there isn't a mess, or I wait until my lunch break to clean up what's needed.

Reason 8: Work Will Just Come to You

It takes a lot of work to freelance before you even start "working". Just sitting at your computer everyday and staring at your screen won't get you clients.

Reason 9: No Boss!

Without having someone behind you to make sure you're staying productive, it can be tough to stay motivated and on target. You have to make sure you have enough drive to push yourself to make it through the boring everyday tasks of freelancing.

Reason 10: You'll Save Lots of Money

While it's true you'll no longer have to fight morning or evening traffic, that doesn't mean you can sell the car and save lots of money. It gets lonely in your own office so you'll want to work remotely a few times a week.

Often, you'll find yourself going to your local bookstore, cafe, or restaurant to work for a few hours and you'll probably end up spending some money there as well. After you factor in this spending money and gas, plus the extra money you'll spend on electricity and water now that you're home more often, freelancing can easily add up to be more expensive than a nine to five job.

I once spent a ton of money at Target when I had no money coming in because I was "bored" from being at home all the time. Don't make the same mistake!

Reason 11: You'll Have More Free Time

When you're a freelancer, you'll actually have a lot less free time than when you were working a regular nine to five job, even if you keep the same or less hours than before.

Why? The biggest reasons are overscheduling and procrastinating. It'll take some time to properly schedule your work, but even then it's impossible to predict if a client is going to have last minute changes or a rush project. You may even end up working nights and weekends.

Reason 12: Your Family Will Respect You More

Most non-web people don't understand what we do at all. They understand even less what we do as freelancers. You'll probably have some difficulty getting your family members to understand that you're really working, even if you're at home. They may not understand you're running a real business and trying to make some real money.

To this day, my mom still doesn't understand that I can't just drop everything I'm doing in the middle of the day to do something with her. Just because I set my own hours, doesn't mean I can make myself free whenever I want to, as I still have to take care of my clients.

If you're married, or living with a significant other, it's easier for them to see you're doing real work if bills are getting paid, but sometimes they forget and may try to talk to you or ask you to do things around the house. The best thing to do is to try and talk to them and explain that you need to be left alone, as if you're working at a regular job, during your office hours. You may need to close and/or lock the office door while you're working to prevent interruptions.

Freelancing Is the Best Job Ever

But, it's also the hardest and most demanding job ever. It can be frustrating because you have no one else to share the business duties with. People, including clients, misunderstand what you do and may not think you're a real business who charges real rates for real work.

That being said, I do believe it's the best job ever. Really, I wouldn't go back to a full-time job, even if they offered me a six figure salary. Like everything else, it has it's drawbacks but it also has lots of good perks.

The important thing is to make sure you really like working independently and you have the drive to do this all by yourself. The freedom and satisfaction from being able to control your own career is reward in itself.

What About You?

What were some of the reasons you started freelancing? Where they good or bad reasons? Did they work out? Please share you experiences!

Image by joeyparsons

Related posts:

1. Freelancing — A Career Choice or Lifestyle?
2. 5 Reasons Freelancers Can't Ignore Twitter
3. 10 Ways To Make Your Freelance Business Fail

 

 

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I wonder if they used this one on their Christmas card?

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On Being A Grandparent

For all you Grandparents and those who will be.    I especially like the last one.  ENJOY




Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change,
and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret

Grandmothers are just 'antique' little girls. ~Author Unknown

Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.
~  Welsh Proverb

 

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead
of the television.. ~Author Unknown

Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just
a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown


Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because
Grandfathers have only so many horsy rides in them. ~Gene Perret

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
~Ogden Nash

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just
you all day and now the day was complete. ~ Marcy DeMaree



Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. ~Author unknown

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our
hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren,
I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after
two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. ~Gene Perret

If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should
advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is
no fun for old people like it! ~Hannah Whithall Smith

It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the
world calls her grandmother. ~Author Unknown 



Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing
old. ~Mary H. Waldrip

You do not really understand something unless you can explain
it to your grandmother. ~Proverb

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.
Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Gene Perret 



The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You
feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long
periods, which is why most grandparents flee to  Florida  . ~Dave Barry

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for
self-defense. ~Gene Perret

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas
are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do
Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of
little children. ~Alex Haley



Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of
practice. ~Author Unknown

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on
the inside. ~Author Unknown

One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new
grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. ~Joy Hargrove

It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you
become one. ~Author Unknown

If your baby is 'beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses,
sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the
time,' you're the grandma. ~Teresa Bloomingdale

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have
around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their
grandchildren. ~Author Unknown

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say
that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can
but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they
can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge
that he's married to a grandmother. ~G. Norman Collie

Dream On and Acceptance

I was riding in the car, amazed how well John was doing driving my car.  And I also noticed when he drove how well he was speaking.  I was just sitting there in my care, totally amazed, and happy.  And then of course I woke up and I remembered that John doesn't drive, and that he doesn't speak in complete sentences.

A few years ago a friend suggested that John needed to learn to drive in case of some emergency.  I replied that I couldn't think of any emergency that would involve having to drive to Popeye's at breakneck speed.  Or any emergency that would not be made worse with John driving.

And then I have to remember once again the principle of acceptance, something that I have heard numerous times in numerous 12 step meetings. 

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems
today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some
person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life
—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until
I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world
by mistake.

PLEASE READ QUIETLY AND SEND IT BACK ON IT'S WAY

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one. 


To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple. 


To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate. 


To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam. 


To realize The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn. 


To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby.... 


  To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane. 


To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident. 


Time waits for no one. 


Treasure every moment you have. 


You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special. 


To realize the value of a friend or family member: 

LOSE ONE. 




The origin of this letter is unknown,
But it brings blessings to everyone who passes it on. 
 
Remember... 
 
 Hold on tight to the ones you love! 


Do not keep this letter. 


Send it to 20 friends & family to whom you wish good luck 
And don't forget the one who sent it to you!

Peace, love and prosperity to all!

Abraham and Isaac

I have heard this passage explained away in various ways through the years. It still seems pretty darn odd to me. Then there are the crazies who use this as justification for their own brand of human sacrifice.

explorefaith.org - January 17: "After these things God tested Abraham. He said to him, 'Abraham!' And he said, 'Here I am.'He said, 'Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt-offering on one of the mountains that I shall show you.'
—Genesis 22: 1-2"

Making it through adversity

Good lesson today from Abraham.

explorefaith.org - January 13: "Help us, O God, in the midst of fear, to speak to you from our hearts, and then to look expectantly for a sign that all will be well. Amen."

explorefaith.org - January 12

explorefaith.org - January 12: "LORD, help me to listen carefully, to trust deeply, and to go forth without fear. Amen."

Jumping into the unknown is not something that I do willingly. Sometimes God has to give me an extra push.

Miss Manners on 'Happy Holidays'

I am in total agreement with Miss Manners on this!  As usual I may add.

Sunday Picture

John and myself at my work place, BMC Software, after church.  


John had a perfect Sunday so far, breakfast at IHOP, church, 7-11 and now time with me at the office.

Dear Abby: Word Is Out: Rudolph's Red Nose May Just Be Makeup

More than you ever wanted to know about reindeer.

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays here, songs about Santa and his reindeer are filling the air. I'm writing to talk about reindeer antlers. Reindeer are unique because they are the only members of the deer family in which both genders have antlers, which are made of bone and grown annually.
In the summer and fall, you cannot identify a reindeer as a "he" or a "she" without further investigation. In late December, however, only the females still have their antlers.
During the summer months, the males use their antlers to attract females and defend their harem (anywhere from five to 15 females) from other males. When they are no longer "looking for love," the males lose their antlers. The females, on the other hand, keep theirs through the winter and into the spring, and use them to compete for food and to protect their young.
The only reindeer with antlers at Christmastime are the GIRLS, Abby. So Rudolph would have been appropriately named "Rudolphia," and the other reindeer would have been laughing and calling HER names until the glow from HER nose guided Santa's sleigh that foggy Christmas eve. -- JOYCE CAMPBELL, PH.D.

DEAR DR. CAMPBELL: Fascinating. This clearly explains why Santa doesn't get lost at Christmas. Females are never reluctant to ask for directions ... ho, ho, ho.

What we want versus what we need

A good friend and a fellow 12-step traveler sends out a daily thought which often gives me something to think about. The thought for today is:

"We frequently aren't given what we want--But we are always given exactly what we need at the moment"

I probably get more out of the thoughts that I don't readily agree with than the ones that I do, and this thought certainly fits in that category.  I have no idea why my son James needs to have cancer right now, though I am sure there are lessons for James and his extended family to learn from the experience.  The price seems excessively high.  I will have to think about this for awhile.

Ice Fishing

Way too funny, way too cold.


EMBED-Insane Canadian Fisherman - Watch more free videos

Scrooged: 12 Xmas-themed Scams

Makes me wonder why I even bother to sign on sometimes.  Here is one that I am guilty of.  

Friend "requests"

If you are one of those people who will accept any friend request you get on Facebook, this is a particularly dangerous time of the year to be too friendly. Because of the information you disclose on social networking sites, they can be a goldmine for identity thieves.

"It's surprising to me how many people on Facebook put their birthday," said Cohn. "Not just the date, but the year."

According to GetSafeOnline, one in four people using social networking sites have posted confidential or personal information such as phone number, address or email on their online profile. To avoid identity theft, never offer personal information to anyone over a social networking site, even if the request is from a friend or relative. Do not offer your birth date, birth town and home address on your user profile, and always make sure you apply the right privacy settings to protect yourself. Avoid posting photos of expensive belongings or dates when you are away from home over the holidays.

Spirit of Hope

The sermon yesterday at church was about hope, which came at a great time for me.  I am of course very concerned about the health of my son James.  He continues to point out that his prognosis is excellent once he gets past the chemo therapy, and I of course continue to worry.  Part of being a parent I suppose.  We chatted on the phone about how he feels bad for some of the other people who are receiving treatment the same time that he is because, in his words, they have real cancer.  He means of course that their chances are not as good as his, but again, as a parent, his form of cancer is all too real.

Today I took my youngest son John to the dentist for his usual six month cleaning and checkup.  He was very cooperative, and we were in and out in less than 30 minutes.  I wish that my checkups went so quickly and smoothly.  The first time I remember taking John to the dentist, I held him on my lap while he screamed.  He was so agitated that the dentist was able to look in his mouth and determine that John needed some work.  In order to do that, we had to take him to a surgical center so he could be put under general anesthetic.  It was my hope that someday John would cooperate at the dentists, but I had a hard time believing it would really happen.  But it has.

Senator Orrin Hatch, Chanukah and Barbra Streisand, by Margo Howard | wowOwow

I stand all amazed.

"You should know that Senator Hatch wears a golden mezuzah on a neck chain every day. This is interesting because the senator is not a house, or even a doorway, which is where mezuzahs are meant to be placed. He also keeps a fake Torah in his Senate office. (It can’t be a real one because he’s not a Temple, either.) I think the guy secretly wants to be Jewish"

This Christmas give the Holy Spirit everything that would hurt you.

I am a big fan of author Carol Lynn Pearson, and I am on her email announcement list.  She said in part:

That statement from A Course in Miracles.  "This Christmas give the Holy Spirit everything that would hurt you."  I can do that, and I've been making my list.  To the Holy Spirit I will give: 

            *this old resentment that I wrap around me out of habit

            *that ragged worry I still clutch in the middle of the night

            *the judgment I made just this morning with my quick, creative skills

            *the fear that really doesn't go with the outfit of hope I look best in

I'll make the list as long as I can.  All the things that hurt me--how great that the Holy Spirit can use them.  And without them--miraculously I become more.

Don't give DVD box sets as gifts

Great piece in Slate today.  Money quote:

Television should be a glorious time waster, but being given three seasons of Lost on DVD is like being given a prison sentence. You slog through the first season, and not only is the hefty second season waiting around the corner, but it has brought its friends: Seasons 3, 4, and 5. Boxed sets have transformed television from light entertainment into homework.

Of course, with the help of Netflix and Hulu, I have been watching episodes of Perry Mason that were broadcast when I was but a tyke.

 

Gearing up for the holidays

I need to start thinking about Christmas shopping.   I stumbled across this when I should have been working.

Faced with facts like this, one cannot help but recall the economic discipline's most famous "Bah, humbug!" result: Joel Waldfogel's discovery, in 1993, that the typical $50 Christmas gift is valued by the recipient at between $35 and $43. It is this sort of finding, presumably, that accounts for the popularity of gift cards, which, according to Offenberg, are now the most popular gift in America.

Personally, I like photographs of my kids and grandkids.  They are priceless.

No One is What They Look Like

The other day I posted a picture on Facebook that showed me when I was 19 years old, probably December 1970.  I was a new missionary in Japan at the time, and still had most of my hair.  One of my friends seemed totally astounded that was really me.  At age 58, I look a lot different than I was 39 years ago.

Which got me thinking of a Barry Manilow song from his album Here At the Mayflower called Not What You See.  (You can here a part of the song by clicking on the link above.)  I wonder who the person in the mirror is somedays.....

Here is a link to the lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/barry_manilow/not_what_you_see-lyrics-42314.html

Sonny, no one is what
they look like
everyone's so much more
Sonny, no one is what
they look like
and we're not what you see
that's for sure 

Cheney to hit the campaign trail

Kind of like havingDarth Vader's endorsement.

Cheney to hit the campaign trail: "

There aren't all that many races where having former Vice President Dick Cheney on your side would give you a boost politically. But in a Republican primary in Texas? Well, that's a different story.

"

I Wish you Enough!

From a super friend.  


I wish you Enough !

Recently  I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had  announced the departure.

Standing  near the security gate, they hugged and the  Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you  enough.'

The daughter replied,  'Dad, our life together has been more than  enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish  you enough, too, Dad.'

They  kissed and the daughter left.  The Father walked  over to the window where I was seated. Standing  there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I  tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he  welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say  good-bye to someone knowing it would be  forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied.  'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she  lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and  the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you  were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish  you enough.' May I ask what that  means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish  that has been handed down from other  generations. My parents used to say it to  everyone..' He paused a moment and looked up as  if trying to remember it in detail, and he  smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you  enough,' we were wanting the other person to  have a life filled with just enough good things  to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he  shared the following as if he were reciting it  from memory.

I wish you enough sun  to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray  the day may appear.

I  wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even  more.

I wish you enough happiness  to keep your spirit alive and  everlasting.

I wish you enough pain  so that even the smallest of joys in life may  appear bigger.

I wish you enough  gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish  you enough loss to appreciate all that you  possess.

I wish you enough hellos  to get you through the final good-  bye.

He  then began to cry and walked  away.

They say it takes a minute to  find a special person, an hour to appreciate  them, a day to love them; but then an entire  life to forget them.

*Only if you wish send  this to the people you will never forget and  remember to send it back to the person who sent  it to you. If you don't send it to anyone it may  mean that you are in such a hurry that you have  forgotten your friends.

Take Time To Live..

To  all my friends and loved  ones, I wish you Enough !

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate - Thomas Jones

Dear Prudence Video: Picky About Garbage

How did the Red Cross deliver messages to Taliban hostage David Rohde?

Something that I didn't even know enough about to wonder about. Good work Red Cross!

How did the Red Cross deliver messages to Taliban hostage David Rohde?: "New York Times reporter David Rohde has written a five-part account of his seven-month ordeal as a prisoner of the Taliban. In the third installment, published Monday, Rohde mentions that he and his fellow hostages received letters from their families through the International Red Cross. How does the Red Cross deliver letters to hostages?

[more ...]

Man pleads guilty to DWI in motorized La-Z-Boy

Man pleads guilty to DWI in motorized La-Z-Boy: "DULUTH, Minn. (AP) -- A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk...."

Actually, when a motorized La-Z-Boy chair is mentioned in the article, the drunk part can just be assumed.

Great Service - "I am not God"

Probably all the services I go to are great, but sometimes I am more open than other days.  I suppose that this was one of the open days.

John went to church with me today, but our friend Andrew decided to keep his germs at home and get some rest, so we were on our own.  We were also on time this morning, so John and I got to meet and greet other people from the congregation before the services began.  I got plenty of hugs from some great people and John was greeted and he managed to shake hands.

In our congregation, we have what is known as community prayer.  Typically people stand and join hands during the prayer, but John and I have our own little variation, I put one arm around his should and the other hand close to his mouth in case he decides he wants to participate an in inappropriate moment during the prayer.  He will say 'Amen' if he thinks that the prayer is dragging.

We were alone on our row, but shortly before the prayer started, our pastor came back to stand on the other side of John, and she returned to her seat after the prayer.  It was one of those moments that I remembered that there are all kinds of angels watching over John, some on this side of mortality, and some on the other side.  Rev. Karen of course did not speak to us during the prayer, but it was nice to have her standing with us, reminding me that I am not alone. 

Years ago I was in a group with my youngest brother Joe when the discussion turned to the old saying that God never gives us more than we can handle.  Joe said he disagrees, things do happen to us which are too much for us sometimes, but that God also sends help.

The sermon was titled 'I am not God.'  I had to smile, it reminded me a lot of the discussions I used to hear when I was attending Al-anon. It was nice to have them reinforced with scripture.  I heard more than I had time to digest, so I will have to download the sermon again this week and listen to it again, when I don't have to worry about keeping John under control :)

Vidéo

Vidéo: "The first internet videos of Baby Victoria.

She of course is just totally adorable. Click the link to see the videos!

"

Komando.com, Website for The Kim Komando Radio Show®, Komando Downloads Protect your kids from bad sites

The price is right. We could have used something like that when John was younger and much more curious....

"You can't watch your kids all the time. But you can get a little peace of mind by installing parental control software.

Blue Coat's K9 Web Protection is a good free parental control program. It is based on software that many businesses use. It comes with a list of objectionable sites. But you can customize the list. You'll also get regular updates."

Cost: Free

Link: www.k9webprotection.com

Ala. woman lets daughter ride in box on top of van

When I read stuff like this, I am reminded that there are a hell of a lot worse parents than me in the world.

I have to wonder what the kid was thinking.

Click here to see photos.

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future..."

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Adult Care Center

I posted a few weeks back how guilty I felt dropping John weekday mornings at his adult care center.  I am feeling much less guilty lately.

John seems pretty happy to be going there in the morning.  I just sign him in and he walks into the main room and hangs up his back pack.  The people there seem nice and very competent.

Quote Details: Sydney Smith: You must not think... - The Quotations Page

"You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave.
Sydney Smith"

New Toy

Now I can blog from anywhere.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sermon: Sense and Sensuality

I enjoyed the sermon today.  I ended up taking John alone to church today, so I was quite happy that he was as cooperative as he was and I was able to concentrate on the sermon.

One of the best lessons I learned about sensuality was from my son John.  When he was just four years old, we took a family vacation to Salt Lake City right after Christmas.  I don't think John had ever seen snow before, so he had to go and investigate.  To completely understand what snow was, John took off his coat and the rest of his clothes and dived right into a snow bank.  Something I don't think would have occurred to me.

Quote from Mother Teresa

I heard this quote from the sermon at church this morning, and I need to blog it so I don't forget it quite so soon.  I had never thought of taking the sacrament (communion) in quite these terms before.

As St. Paul says "I live no longer I but Christ in me". Christ works in me, Christ thinks in me. Christ looks through my eyes, Christ speaks through my words, Christ works with my hands, Christ walks with my feet, Christ loves with my heart. St. Paul's prayer was "I belong to Christ and nothing will separate me from the love of Christ." It was that oneness, oneness with God, oneness with the Master in the Holy Spirit.

Taken from Mother Teresa, Essential Writings 

Miss Manners on Nosy Friends

Great line from Miss Manners. I need to remember it.

"'You're so kind to worry about my private life. But I assure you that your worry is misplaced.'"

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?

I totally relate...

Francois de La Rochefoucauld French author & moralist (1613 - 1680)

 

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.

Norm Papernick

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. Oscar Wilde

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is - Will Durst

I am actually not quite that bad. But my idea now of roughing it is staying at a Holiday Inn.

"The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it - Glaser and Way"

War Room - Finger bitten off at healthcare rally

War Room - Salon.com: "It was one thing when protests over healthcare reform at town halls featured a lot of angry people yelling over each other. Not exactly a great way to conduct an important debate, of course, but nothing out of the ordinary, really -- and we do have that First Amendment thing, after all.

But when people's fingers are getting bitten off, maybe it's time to cool things down a little bit."

Quote - Think twice before you speak....

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once - Evan Esar

Monday stuff

Over the weekend, John's adult care was moved to a new location. I was dreading this since my drive time to work is going to increase quite a bit.

Today was the first day and it didn't go too badly. The good news is that traffic wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be once I got past the nasty bottleneck on the expressway. The new facilities for the adult care seem a lot nicer also, so that is good.

For the last 18 years or so, I have a nice easy commute to work generally on back roads. I live close enough that I often just drive home for lunch. I just hope no one tries to schedule me for an early meeting ever again at work though.

Guilt

Barbara is back to school, so I am dropping John off every morning at an adult day care (for lack of a better term, I am sure I will be corrected later.)

I have to say that I am feeling very guilty about this. On one hand, I know that I have to make a living and that it is an okay place for him to be, he is taken care of, entertained, fed, and they won't let him hurt himself. On the other hand, I don't think he belongs there. I get the impression that he is certainly brighter and more aware than most of the other clients.

One of the reasons we chose this particular facility was because it is close to our house and pretty much on my way to work and on the way home for Barbara. This will all change next week, they are moving to a place where both of us will have to fight traffic getting there and coming back.

I am not sure what are alternatives are at the moment.

When John was diagnosed 19 plus years ago, we decided to take him to a learning center in Irving Texas, which was on my way to work back then. As I recall, he was only there for a few hours a couple of times a week, but it was heartbreaking leaving him there, I could hear him cry all the way out to my car. He doesn't cry now, but it doesn't feel much better to me.

Such is life. I of course am grateful that we found this place through one of my co-workers. Maybe we will find something better.

Police: Baby spotted in parked car before his death

This is such an incredibly sad story. Dad forgets that there is a baby in the back of the car and leaves the car in the hot Texas heat.

Then someone thinks they see a baby locked in a car and then they go inside and tell the security people who can't find the car with the baby.

Lesson: Call 911 and wait by the car until someone shows up.

Why I always dress casually

No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.

Sir Frederick G. Banting
Canadian physician & physiologist (1891 - 1941)

The Salt Lake Tribune: Disabled children need spiritual nurturing, LDS moms say

I already posted this on Facebook. I wanted to be able to reference the article later, so here it is on my blog also.

I personally have very bad memories of trying to take John to LDS services. If I kept him in the meetings, I got nasty looks, if I took him out in the hallways, I would get 'shushed.' It was easier for both of us when we started staying home and letting the other family members attend without us.

Though it could have been worse. Quote from the article:

Some parents of the disabled ask whether church is worth the struggle.

For Jeni Grossman, the answer was a definite "no."

About 25 years ago, Grossman and her husband joined the LDS Church in part because Mormon missionaries taught them that "those born with physical disabilities were once valiant spirits in the pre-[mortal] existence" and that the Mormon priesthood "has the sole authority on Earth to heal in the name of Jesus Christ."

The bishop promised them their son Zachary -- who had spina bifida that left him unable to walk or run -- would be able to do so when he went on a mission at 19.

For the next 14 years, Grossman said, her son endured humiliations such as having to crawl up the steps to his Sunday school class because there was no ramp.

When Zachary was ready for his mission, though, the bishop politely informed them the LDS First Presidency instructed bishops to stop sending the disabled on missions.

Their world collapsed, Grossman said, and they left the church. Their son has since earned a college degree in religious studies, traveled all over the world by himself and become a Catholic.

"With the Catholics, he finally felt God's love again," she said.

Does it really save gas to roll down your windows instead of flipping on the AC?

Does it really save gas to roll down your windows instead of flipping on the AC?: "It's summer, which means many drivers will be cranking up the AC or rolling down the windows to keep their cars from turning into mobile toaster ovens. Which method uses more gas? In a column first published last summer and reprinted below, the Green Lantern explained that it depends on how fast you're driving.

[more ...]

"

Facebook Error

Quote on Disasters

Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.

Quentin Crisp

Cynic

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

H. L. Mencken
US editor (1880 - 1956)

Another End of World Scenario

I grew up hearing that the world was going to end at the end of the century. I figured that I would be in my later 40s at the time, which at the time seemed like a very old age.

Since that was over nine years ago, I suppose that people are coming up with other scenarios.

Two good articles about Facebook

The first is about avoiding FB disasters. It offers some good reasons why you don't necessarily want to accept every application request you might get. I almost always turn down requests.

The second is the more interesting one to me, and that is how to set up FB privacy.

I get a lot of questions about FB privacy, and I would probably get more if people even there was such a thing as privacy on FB.

I thought you should see this story

Tiger escapes magic act, ends up on Vegas streets

http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_16032/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=3HZQQJxz

Sent from my iPod

Egotism

Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.

Frank Leahy

If you want to feel better, write a love letter!”

From a good 12 step friend of mine.

How to write a love letter/inventory

Begin by writing out steps 1, 2 and 3…

Step 1

I admit I am powerless over…so and so, (him, her, them or me) my pain, anger, finances, God, Higher Power, emotions, feelings, my mother, my father, my son/daughter, my husband/wife, AA/OA/NA/CODA/CEA HOW, my surgery, someone else’s surgery, the landlord, the doctor, insurance company, department stores, the grocery clerks, the weather…(whoever or whatever still causes you pain) and my *lives (and their *lives) are unmanageable by me.

Step 2

I do believe that you and only you, God, can restore me (and them) to sanity.

Step 3

I make a decision to turn my will and my *lives and so and so’s *lives over to your care and protection.

Write out: Please God, help me to be honest. Write through me your liberating and healing truth. Guide my hand, ,my heart and my mind in writing my thoughts in this matter.

Step 4 (or Step 10)

Write using the following format. Move through all the levels of feelings, until you get down to the love. Write as much as you can on each topic you can. Freedom comes from the writing, healing comes from sharing the writing (step 5) and peace comes from taking the rest of the steps on the writing.

1. Anger and Blame

I hate it that you…

I’m fed up with….

I don’t like it/didn’t like it when…

2. Hurt and Sadness

I feel hurt when…

I feel disappointed because…

I feel awful because…

I feel sad when…

3. Fear and Insecurity

I’m afraid that…

I feel scared that…

I worry that…

I should have/shouldn’t have…

*Lives – refers to the many roles we play: work life, home life, school life, etc.

4. Guilt and Responsibility

I’m sorry that….

I’m sorry for….

Please forgive me for…

I didn’t mean to….

5. Intention

I want…

I need…

6. Love, Forgiveness, and Understanding

I love you because…

I love when….

Thank you for….

I understand that…

I forgive you for…

Write out: Thank you Lord and so and so, for the revelations in this writing that are necessary for my growth.

Take Step 5

Read your writing to a friend, sponsor, mentor, etc. (not to the person the letter is addressed to!) then take the rest of the steps out loud with the friend or sponsor.

Take Steps 6 and 7

Repeat out loud with your sponsor:

“I am entirely ready to have you, Lord, remove all these defects of character (and if I am not willing, help me to be willing)

I humbly ask you to remove my shortcomings (the ones I see so clearly and the ones I’m not even aware of)”.

Seventh Step Prayer

(Repeat aloud)

My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen.

Steps 8 and 9

If amends are due, we work steps 8 and 9.

Step 8: We make a list of all people we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.

Steps 10

This letter is a 10^th step.

Step 11

(repeat aloud) “I am seeking through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out.”

Step 12

(repeat aloud) “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of “taking these steps”, I will try to carry this message to alcoholics, (addicts, compulsive eaters, codependents, anyone in need) and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

Thank you Lord, and amen.

IOU by Bertha Munro

This poem was read in a recent church service. I liked it enough that I wanted to blog it so I could find it again sometime. It was written by Dr. Bertha Munro, academic dean at Eastern Nazarene College from 1923 to 1957.

"I owe you respect for your personality. You too are that climax of God's creation, made in His likeness. I owe you a right to your opinion. You may differ with me without fear that I shall raise a barrier between us if we do not see eye to eye. We can disagree and still be friends.

"I owe you belief in your integrity. Since I do, I shall put the best possible construction on your actions. I shall trust your words and deeds, even those I am unable to understand.

"I owe you honest treatment; I shall not steal people's good opinion of you. I shall voice the sort of comment on you and your actions that I should wish made on me.

"I owe you a "taking off place." Though I value your friendship, I shall not enslave your spirit nor bind you so closely to me that you will lose the wealth of other friendships, or even fail to develop your own best potentialities.

"I owe you thoughtful consideration. I will not steal your time when you are evidently busy, just because I have free time to "kill."

"I owe you honest wages if I chance to be employer, honest work if I chance to be employed, honest measure and just weight in any case.

"I owe you special help in time of special need: my hand, my ear, my voice. I owe you patience with what seems to me your stupidity or slowness. I owe you the identification of Golden Rule imagination. I owe you "love unfeigned."

"I owe it to you not to push you down in order to lift myself. Rather, I owe it to you to see you forge ahead of me without any reaction of envy or jealousy- even to give you a push.

"I owe you a good example, a Christian testimony. I owe you the gospel of Christ to the limit I possess it. I owe it to you to prove its power to the full, that God may challenge and encourage you by the sight of what He has done for someone else.

"All this I owe you, and much more. I owe it to you not to fall behind with my payments. I shall always owe the abounding love that will meet those unforeseen and unexpected demands of the emergency and will save me from "Thou shalt" and "I must."

"Owe no man any thing, but to love."

Dear Prudence: Autism

I don't always agree with the advice given, but I enjoy reading the column. I got in the habit when I was a kid of reading Ann Landers in the paper.

Anyway, in today's column, she answers the question from a woman who had two pre-school daughters, the younger of the two has autism. The woman is irritated because her mother-in-law does not treat them the same.

I understand where the woman is coming from, but I also see the side of the grandmother. I think it is great that the grandmother can give the older daughter individual attention.

The hardest part about being a parent of a child with autism is also being there for the other children. I don't think I have always succeeded there. On my recent trip to Utah, I ended up spending the majority of my time with my son John, because he needs the majority of my time sometimes. He loves his siblings, in-laws and nephews, but it is hard for him sometimes. The week before we drove to Utah he was saying "Hello, Rachel, hello Rachel" over and over again.

Barbara reminds me that it takes a village to take care of a special needs child. That is just as true in John's case at age 22 as it was when he was 3. I am very grateful for the help that we continue to get from friends, family and church members. I am also grateful for those who have given my other children attention when they needed it.

Anyway, the letter.

Dear Prudence,
I have two beautiful preschool-age daughters. My youngest was diagnosed with autism a year ago. Since the diagnosis, my mother-in-law has been treating the girls very differently, inviting only my oldest daughter to dance recitals, holiday celebrations, movies, etc. She just called to invite her on a weekend getaway. I told her no, it wouldn't be fair to my youngest daughter. I believe she is ashamed or embarrassed by my little girl. My husband doesn't understand how his mom can be this way. I am this close to prohibiting my in-laws from seeing the children. My youngest is going to understand soon that she is being excluded from events. I was so afraid of how strangers would treat her, and the real problem lies in the family. What should I do?

—Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,
Your mother-in-law may be ashamed or embarrassed, but she also may just be afraid. Afraid that a child with autism is too much for her to handle, that your youngest daughter may act up in a way that leaves her baffled and helpless. Instead of getting angry, you and your husband should have an open, nonjudgmental discussion with her. Start by saying this diagnosis is painful for all of you and means a readjustment of your expectations of your family life, but that you can all agree you love your youngest and everyone wants the best for her. Allow your mother-in-law to air her concerns, and then come up with constructive ways to address them. Educating herself and getting to know other grandparents dealing with this would be particularly helpful. Direct her to the Web site of the Autism Society of America, where she can get information about autism, find a support group in her area, and get a list of books that will help her understand her granddaughter better. You might want to give her The Way I See It, by the remarkable Temple Grandin, a distinguished scientist with autism. But also don't insist that your mother-in-law always take both girls. In any family, it's wonderful for each child to get time alone with their parents and grandparents. Your youngest daughter, by necessity, is going to require a lot of attention and extra help from you and your husband. You will all benefit if your older daughter can enjoy some special time with her grandmother.

So, you want to be a Gmail ninja?

 

 

Sent to you by davidaustex via Google Reader:

 

 

So, you want to be a Gmail ninja?

via Gmail Blog by The Gmail Team on 6/23/09

Posted by Zach Yeskel, Product Marketing Manager

If you got 100 new messages, how long would it take you to get through them all? An hour? Five minutes? How would you find the important ones, reply to the ones that require an immediate reply, and mark the ones that you needed to take care of later? Would you use stars, filters, keyboard shortcuts, labels? What about Gmail Labs like tasks or canned responses?

Everybody has their own system for managing email, but some are definitely more efficient than others. Even if you only get a few messages a day, there are probably some simple things you can do to make it easier to get through your inbox and maybe even have a little fun along the way. We know time is valuable, so we asked lots of Googlers for their tips and tricks on how they make the most of Gmail, and we combined the best of these into a guide at www.gmail.com/tips, cheekily entitled "Become a Gmail Ninja." The tips are categorized into ninja belts (white, green, black and master ) based on how much mail you get each day.



For a handy reference that you can pin to your wall or keep on your desk, we even made a printable version of the guide where all the tips fit on one page front and back. And for the first 1024 of you who want them, we'll send a limited-edition, laminated guide for free. Just fill out this form with your address. Sorry, we can only ship to addresses in the US. If you're not one of the lucky 1024, you can still buy a laminated guide at www.barcharts.com/gmail.



If you're already a Gmail ninja and have your own tips you'd like to share, let us know and we'll add the best ones to the online guide.

*Our lawyers asked us to make sure it was clear that your contact information won't be maintained longer than necessary to send you the laminated guide and that this offer is "void where prohibited and only while supplies last."

 

 

Things you can do from here:

• Subscribe to Gmail Blog using Google Reader
• Get started using Google Reader to easily keep up with all your favorite sites

 

 

Thought for the day

From a good friend and former sponsor. This is very appropriate in my situation today.

"...can develop gratitude for all conditions, good or bad. Each has its necessary place in our development as healthy, happy (people.)"

The future will be better tomorrow.

Dan Quayle
US Republican politician (1947 - )

Yellow Bus

For almost 19 years (since John was 3 in Euless) we have had a school bus come by our house to take John to school.

John still refers to the bus as 'Yellow Bus' and through the years, that is what I call a school bus also.

The school bus will make its last stop at our house next Wednesday, June 3, 2009. It is definitely an end of an era for us.

It is going to be very difficult to explain to John why there isn't going to be any more high school, summer school, and of course, no more yellow bus.

Quote from a fried

And a former sponsor. "Sometimes all I can do is trust that all is well, even though it's not as I had hoped. On bad days I need only to reflect on the past to know that I am moving in the right direction."

This American Life: Where’s King Solomon When You Need Him?

I was listening to this today on my way to and back from church on my iPod. It was heartbreaking.

I think that this will extra meaning to those who have an LDS (Mormon) background.

Reporter Ted Gesing interviews Mike Nyberg about adopting a little girl from Samoa, only to learn over time that her Samoan family had no intention of giving her up for adoption. The US adoption agency had told the Nybergs that their adoption would be closed, and that their little girl Elleia had been living in a foster home waiting for adoptive parents; but in Samoa, Elleia’s parents were told that their daughter could come to the US and receive a better education, and that the adoptive family would send money and regular updates on their daughter’s progress. The whole situation leaves the Nybergs trying to find their way through sticky moral territory. (31 minutes)

I would think a jail cell would be more boring

'Extremely Bored' runaway juror faces jail time

http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_7735/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=NF4SbMHF

Sent from my iPod

Oh my

Rotten office fridge cleanup sends 7 to hospital

http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_7735/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=2kqZxmDr

Sent from my iPod

One more reason I don't rob banks

Police: Bank robber nabs $3K, leaves wallet behind

http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_7735/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=UbGhMx4Z

Sent from my iPod

I thought you should see this story

Police say accused Ohio shoplifter applied for job

http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_7735/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=XvjfcbCB

Sent from my iPod